Aching Desire
by Yui Miyamoto
Summary: [Dekita! Completed. ^_^] Tatsuha has a responsibility to do and yet he loves Ryuichi with all his heart. Life's a winding and bumpy road...let the angst begin. (Nagareboshi 3; sequel to Fallen Angel.)
1. Prologue – The day god fell to his knees

Disclaimer: Gravitation is not mine.  
  
Aching Desire By Miyamoto Yui  
  
Prologue - The day god fell to his knees.  
  
I came back to Kyoto because.well. I couldn't even finish my thought as my heart began to become heavy. My mouth let out a deep sigh. I just couldn't concentrate for meditations that night. And it didn't help that as much time as I had devoted to trying to start to meditate, it had done me no good. I was sitting with my legs on the ground and the birds starting to chirp for the coming of dawn. "Arghhh!" I had said as I took a cushion next to me and threw it across the room. It splattered on the wall and wiped against the wall as I myself backed to the wall and slid to the ground. "I can't stand it!" I shouted to myself knowing full well that I should have kept my mouth shut. But I didn't want to be quiet anymore.  
  
"What will you do, Tatsuha?" my father had said to me with a blank expression. I could still see it so clearly in my mind as if he had stood right in front of me at that moment. I couldn't tell if he was disappointed, upset, mad, happy, confused, or all of the above to the point that he couldn't give a face for it. The question repeated more and more in my head. And the worse half of it. "Ow." I had grabbed my chest as it crunched in pain.  
  
I didn't know what to do and I didn't want to think of it. But I had to.  
  
Wasn't I a monk? Shouldn't I know what to do in situations like this?  
  
Don't let desire get to you.  
  
But my brother got to be an author. My sister gets to what she wants to. Because of our family name, I was forced to do this. I didn't choose it. If I didn't, my father would have really died at that instant. I didn't want that to happen.  
  
"Ryuichi." I mumbled as if it were the most painful thing to say as my hands placed themselves on my forehead.  
  
I was so confused.  
  
My father was sick right now. As of this moment, he's on his death bed and I'm here stuck on my ass on the wooden floor. I don't want to disappoint him, but I don't want to give up what I want either. Because of my relationship with Ryuichi, my father had gotten sick from the shock when I told him how we were dating. Well, that and the whole freakin' nation knew about it. Tabloids. You've got to love them.  
  
And that just wasn't it.  
  
Like a coward, I ran away. As much as I loved Ryuichi and worshipped the very ground he walked on, I. What would happen to us? Come on, Tatsuha. You've got to think realistically. You are a monk. He is a rock superstar. He is fifteen years older. You guys are both men.  
  
Even if you guys do understand each other. Even if you guys do get to be together.  
  
Who will inherit this household?  
  
The centuries your ancestors put on this and you're really going to throw it away because of your passion? What? For Ryuichi Sakuma?  
  
I would give anything to be with Ryuichi. I had promised myself that ever since I knew of his existence. Even before I knew what love was.  
  
"Don't you understand?" I desparately said to no one in particular.  
  
Understand that this is what I want. This is my dream.  
  
I want to at least have a child. I can't do that with Ryuichi.  
  
Doesn't this sound kind of strange coming from a man?  
  
I began to walk to my room silently with the most perplexed face in the past eighteen years of my existence.  
  
I.I don't want to leave Ryuichi. But I can't avoid my responsibilities.  
  
Because of all these reasons and more unspoken ones, I left Ryuichi. I hid so that he could find someone else-  
  
Bang, bang, bang.  
  
I closed the door behind me and walked over to the window. I pulled on the curtain lightly to see what was happening while slowly opening the sliding window.  
  
"I'm sorry Sakuma-san, but he is out," I heard the maid say. "I know he's in here," he said to the maid. "Please don't lie to me." "I am not lying to you. Sakuma-san, if you will not vacate the premises, we'll call the police." "I will not leave without Tatsuha."  
  
The neighbors lights began to light up as they watched the scene outside the gate as I listened. The more I listened, the more I felt like crying. I couldn't take it.  
  
It was then that Ryuichi Sakuma did something that I didn't expect and my heart fell from its place.  
  
He bowed to the ground and pressed his head to the floor in front of the maid. "Onegai." he asked about to burst into tears.  
  
"Boku ni Tatsuha wo kudasai."  
  
I couldn't breathe at that moment as I felt my whole body become numb and full of emotion at the same time. I wanted to fall to the ground again.  
  
And again, he begged as his voice cracked, "Please.please give Tatsuha to me."  
  
  
  
To be continued.  
  
-- Author's comments: It's been such a long time since I've made a Ryuichi and Tatsuha fic. I hope that I'm not too rusty. But thank you thank you to all those who have been reading the gravi fics and actually wrote to tell me so. I really can't express my gratitude.  
  
I don't know really of where this is going and I know I have two other fics that I was asked to do, but I can't structure them yet. Not without the name of Mika's and Touma's child.  
  
If any of you are going to anime expo, come by the Orbit comics booth! I'll be Shuichi, Hatako, or Subaru from Tokyo Babylon! I'll also be in the karaoke contest as Shu. ^_~ 


	2. Chapter 1 I'll throw you away

Disclaimer: Gravitation is by Murakami-sensei.  
  
Aching Desire.  
(Nagareboshi 3)  
by Miyamoto Yui  
  
  
Chapter 1 - I'll throw you away.  
  
That was the last blow. I wish someone had just killed me then for me to live to ever see this day.  
I fell to the ground, but I caught my desk as I did so. And so, I got up unsteadily and walked out of my door quietly.  
  
I had to stand firm.   
  
Step, step.  
  
I held my hands in fists as I walked down the staircase.  
  
Doki, doki.  
  
My heart was pounding along with the creaking of the stairs. And each step just got louder and harder and harder.  
  
As I made my way to the front gate, my face became hard and grave.  
  
You must forget everything, Tatsuha.  
If you don't do this now, you'll disappoint him later.  
  
"Sir..." the maid said with wide eyes. "I tried. Sakuma-san would not leave-"  
  
I rose up my hand and I nodded with assurance. "Don't worry. You're not getting in trouble."  
  
She bowed as she excused herself with much thanks to me.  
  
How can you make me choose between you and my father?  
  
But...how could I make my god go down on his knees for me. He begged for me...  
His desparate voice repeated in my head, "Boku ni Tatsuha o kudasai."  
  
I then turned my head away from Ryuichi and closed my eyes for a split second.  
  
I...  
Can't...  
  
Can someone be kind and kill me now???  
  
  
"Kaero." I commanded in a cold, monotonous voice. "Go home, Ryuichi."  
Ryuichi got up with determined eyes. These ferocious eyes that only knew one thing: he wanted me.  
  
He loved me.  
He honestly loves me back...  
What the hell are you doing Tatsuha?!  
  
Your dream is crumbling in your own hands.  
  
"If you don't leave, I'll throw you out myself." I took a hold of his arm. With a harsh, firm grip, I threw him into the street.  
  
I can't believe I'm doing this...  
  
Pointing my head downward, I gravely said, "I'm not going with you, Ryuichi."  
  
"Tatsuha, you choose your own life."  
  
I turned around with my back to him. "From this day on, do not associate with me, _Sakuma_-san."  
  
That was the kill.  
  
Ryuichi walked up to me. Then, he took my collar and pulled it as he pressed his lips passionately on mine. Then, he let go of me.  
  
"Two years ago, you said you would jump off the ledge for me. And now, you're throwing me away." He looked then turned away and went to his car. "Don't lie to yourself, Tatsuha. That's why I love you."  
  
As he got into his car, he stuck one of his legs in and looked at me sorrowfully. "Did you lie to me, Tatsuha-kun? I...didn't think I'd ever see the day."  
  
Then, he laughed to himself and laughed. "I'm sorry to have bothered you, Uesugi-san."  
  
Painfully, I took a deep breath while I felt myself quivering from weakness.   
I watched his car drive away as I felt the stares of my neighbors burning into me partly in disgust, anger, and pity.  
  
But none of them bothered me in the least.  
  
I looked at them and shouted, "What are you staring at?! There's nothing to look at!"  
  
I turned around and went into my house quietly, but unashamed.  
  
I couldn't think straight as I walked over to the koi pond in my perfect daze. My heavy mask fell off and I was my distorted self.  
  
It had taken so much effort and I felt like I had cut off my heart.  
  
I threw him away...  
I threw my Ryuichi away...  
  
  
"There's nothing to look at..." I mumbled as I stared at my reflection.  
Nothing but a broken man...  
  
  
Thump.  
  
  
  
To be continued...  
  
--  
Author's note: Thank you Kuma kuma and Chibiukyou! * smiles widely * I'm so sorry for the delay of a month but I hope you liked the chapter!  
And yup! This is the sequel of a sequel! I really really liked Fallen Angel and now have continued it here. This is two years later if I wasn't clear in the prologue. 


	3. Chapter 2 Kikanai! I don't want to hea...

Disclaimer: Maki Murakami sensei is the one who made Gravitation. But I'm a Ryuichi Sakuma fan so I write fics.  
  
Aching Desire  
(nagareboshi 3)  
by Miyamoto Yui  
  
Chapter 2 – Kikanai yo! (I don't want to hear it!)  
  
My blurry eyes slowly opened to the white ceiling above me. The bright light from the sun shone over me as I turned my head to face the window.  
  
"Baka," Yuki aniki commented as he sat in the chair next to me.  
  
"Brotherly as always." I groaned. I looked from side to side slowly. "Where am I?"  
  
"In the hospital," he answered matter-of-factly. If he had a cigarette, this would have been perfect.  
  
"What's wrong, Tatsuha?" Yuki aniki was always straight to the point like that. "Love troubles?"  
  
"Geh." I twitched.   
I couldn't exactly facefault.  
  
He threw the tabloids carelessly into my lap. "It's not too hard to pinpoint your problem when it's circulating all over the damn nation. Again."  
  
"It would have never worked out." I laughed as I avoided looking at my older brother. Looking at the bright sky outside and contrasting with the dark clouds over my visage, I said, "Let's face it, Aniki. I've been living in my childhood dream."  
  
Then, I blinked as I positioned my head to look at him with a painful smile. "I've got to come back to reality some time."  
  
"If you weren't sick right now, I'd punch you, Tatsuha." Yuki got up angrily. His eye twitched in frustration as he looked down at me. "I'm not going to listen to these lies."  
  
"Yuki…" my older sister's voice mumbled. She patted Yuki as he left through the door.  
  
He held onto the side of the threshold as he said, "I came here for my little brother. Where is he?"  
  
Then, he left.  
  
Mika sighed as she patted my head while sitting now in the chair still warm from Yuki aniki's presence. "He's just worried, Tatsuha."  
  
"We're all worried." She looked from side to side unable to say the words. "This is not like you to just faint and have a high fever on top of it."  
  
She then glanced at me. "What is wrong? Please tell me."  
  
"I…I don't know what I want." I whispered weakly.  
  
"Because father is dying, your decision is set, isn't it?" Mika onee-san got up with a sigh. "This is the first time I've seen you so unhappy, Tatsuha."  
  
My eyes wandered to the side.   
  
My heart felt limp inside of me and I felt so weak that I couldn't even give any kind of resistance to anything at that moment.  
  
I want to be a little kid and hide in a little corner.  
  
I…  
I want a kumagorou to hug.  
  
"I threw him out, Onee-san," I finally mumbled. "I pushed Ryuichi away from me."  
  
Then, she asked, "Are you doing this for him…or for yourself, Tatsuha?"  
  
Straight to the mark as always.  
My eyes opened wide as I took a deep breath.  
  
I don't want him to ever leave me.  
So I had to leave him first.  
  
"I have a responsibility to do as the heir to the shrine," I answered calmly.  
  
But inside, I was breaking. I couldn't even breathe correctly.  
  
"Do you know what Ryuichi did after you threw him out," she asked as she walked towards the window and touched it.  
  
  
Doki. Doki. Doki…  
  
"What happened?" I asked uncertainly.  
  
My heart beat even harder as I felt even number than I could possibly feel at that moment.  
  
But nothing could have prepared me for this one…  
  
"Ryuichi…" she turned towards me with her hand over her mouth. "I…I can't be the one to tell you this."  
  
She began to cry and my body began to quiver with nervousness.  
If my composed, blunt, strong sister is crying…it must be bad…  
  
Touma Seguchi came into my room and gave me a pitiful smile.  
  
I don't like this one bit.  
  
"How are you doing, Tatsuha-kun?"   
  
"I think I'm becoming more sick."  
  
He patted my head and smiled softly.  
  
I didn't….  
I never liked it when he smiled like that.  
  
It was like the time he told me my brother had 'changed'.  
  
"Well, I have something to tell you." Touma-san said as he sighed. "I'm sorry to tell you this while you are ill…"  
  
He sighed as I saw him, for the first time, lose his cool as he looked liked he couldn't breathe.  
  
Grabbing my hand, he squeezed it, "But Ryuichi…"  
  
Even though he was saying this in one sentence, it felt like forever to me.  
  
Dokidokidokidokidokidoki…  
  
Why do I feel like I'd rather jump out that damn window than listen to this?  
  
Idon'twanttohearthis.Idon'twantohearthis.Idon'twantohearthis..  
  
  
A tear slipped from the side of my face as soon as my heart stopped when he finished,  
  
"Ryuichi Sakuma has lost his voice, Tatsuha."  
  
  
  
To be continued…  
  
--  
Author's note: * smiles * Well, you didn't have to wait too long for the next update. How was that for you? ^_^  
But… WAHHHH!!!!!!!! RYUICHI LOST HIS VOICE?! I felt like my heart was going to fall out or cringe even more as I made this chapter.  
  
I honestly didn't know that there were only a few Ryuichi x Tatsuha fics out there! Have I been out of it or what? I asked this to one of my gravi ml's and then immediately, there were already two responses to my question. It really was shocking to me. So, I hope to update more often due to the shortage. * sticks out tongue * ^_~ 


	4. Chapter 3 – Namida ga koboreta Fallen ...

Disclaimer: Gravitation is by Maki Murakami. I write fanfics for my love of writing. So, you get a fanfic. ^_^v  
  
Aching Desire.  
(Nagareboshi 3)  
by Miyamoto Yui  
  
Ch. 3 – Namida ga koboreta. (Fallen tears.)  
  
I stopped breathing as I started to cough.  
  
Touma patted my back as he comforted, "Calm down, calm down…"  
  
"I * cough * can't." I answered breathlessly.  
  
It's my fault…  
IT'S ALL MY FAULT!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
I shook my head as I grabbed onto his shirt with all my might and tried to get up with much denial surfacing upon my face.  
  
I was expecting a car accident…  
Even death…  
  
But Touma, as well as everyone else around me, knew that this was worse than death for any singer.  
Especially Ryuichi.  
  
Any singer would rather die than lose that one thing that gives them a reason to live:  
Their voice.  
  
I don't sing at all, but ever since I met Ryuichi in real life, I understood this trance that he had. I understood the passion that he gave on the stage.  
I understood his insecurities fade away and melt to the ground as he performed for everyone.  
  
My head felt even hotter and my grip was loosening as my weakness was taking over. My fever was much as a disease as this guilt crushing my body and mind at the same time.  
  
"How is Ryuichi?" I asked as my hands shook as I gulped.  
  
I couldn't even say 'my Ryuichi' anymore-  
It used to be such a running joke with us.  
  
But those days have suddenly ended.  
  
A battle cry sounded at that moment.  
"TATSUHA-KUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
A pink genki ball came running into the room and halted to a loud screech at the foot of my bed.  
  
SCREEEEECHH!  
  
Touma nodded his head as he closed his eyes while getting up. "I guess Shindou-san will let you know. See you again and please take good care of yourself."  
  
He winked. "I'll take care of Mika and Yuki."  
  
I nodded my head in thanks as he patted Shuichi on the shoulder.  
  
But as soon as Touma left, my stomach churned as I looked at the fiery eyes of Shuichi Shindou in front of me.  
  
So, we stared at one another.   
  
Shuichi then came next to me and took up my collar. "WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE?"  
  
It wasn't because he was Ryuichi's fan…  
It wasn't because we were all friends…  
  
This was honestly the first time I had ever seen Shuichi so pissed off in his whole life.  
  
I did the only thing I could do: In silence, my eyes glanced to one side.  
  
"I don't care if you are sick. But Ryuichi is in some hotel room right now losing his mind. So you can probably guess where I was just right now. And you know what?"   
  
Over me.  
Over this unworthy person?!   
He's going crazy?!  
  
Shuichi shook me until I felt more nauseous. "While you stay here feeling sorry for yourself, the man you love is deteriorating by the minute."  
  
You've become my conscience over him, Shuichi. I know you understand that. We've become good friends since that time.  
  
"You should be the one there, Tatsuha! Not me or K!" Shuichi shouted. "Not Seguchi-san or anyone else! YOU!"  
  
His words two years ago repeated inside of my heart, "I know more than ANYONE how much you love Sakuma-san!!! You've gotta at least tell him that much!!"  
  
I blinked my eyes as I found some courage to look straight into Shuichi's face.  
  
He didn't have to tell me to my face. That's why I avoided his eyes all this time.  
His eyes told me: "I'm so disappointed in you, Tatsuha."   
  
I sighed as I watched the hot tears falling down Shuichi's eyes.  
  
And I felt like Ryuichi was crying in front of me…  
  
My eyes became blurred with tears.  
  
  
Shuichi he gently let me go.  
Tap, tap.  
And I heard him walk out of the door.  
  
  
  
To be continued…  
  
--  
Author's note: I tried to convey my feelings if I ever lost of my voice because I love to sing. That's why I love Full Moon wo Sagashite so much and started writing fanfics for that series.  
I remember my best friend Wingxduality mention I think about Quatre in Fablespinner-san's fic about a Christmas program's solo. Since I haven't finished Gwing yet, my crazed friend tells me about the fanfics and this was one that I remember her telling me   
because I was very touched. 


	5. Chapter 4 Torn in two

Disclaimer: I write fanfics for the pure appreciation of Maki Murakami's work called Gravitation. All rights are held to her except for the lyrics called 'Don't Lie to Me' because I made them with my mediocre Japanese. ^^;;;  
  
Aching Desire  
By Miyamoto Yui  
  
Chapter 4 – Torn in two.  
  
You were going to leave me someday, Ryuichi. Everytime I looked at you, I thought this. I was just living in a dream,   
I know that very well.   
But I loved the dream you showed me whenever we were together. You know I am sincere with everything.  
  
Except…  
You need someone to inherit that great body, voice, and personality. I need to stay with my family because there is no one left to do it. Can't anyone understand that?  
I can't be reckless and abandon it all. That's not how the world works. I have no right when my family has treated me well.  
Even now, my brother is still trying to guide me to the right path.  
  
And I know he is right.  
  
"Follow your emotions," he said to me one time as he patted my shoulders. We looked at each other eye-to-eye.  
"I want to be a writer. I want to be with Shuichi." He said. "If I can't have this, I will always find a way to. No one can ever stop me from what I want."  
  
Maybe…  
But we think differently, Yuki aniki.  
  
Late in the night, I sneaked out of my room with a large trenchcoat. I don't know how I did it, but I slipped out the hospital.  
At the street corner, I hailed for a cab and gave him a piece of paper. He nodded.  
  
I know where you are, Ryuichi.  
They said you left without a trace, but I know exactly where you are. You cannot fool me.  
  
No matter what may come, I will always be connected to you, will I? I laughed to myself as I smiled while looking out the window at the blur of city lights.  
  
The Chinese call this 'Yin Yuan'. We the Japanese call it 'The Red Threat of Fate'. But no, you called your own philosophy on this one. I even laughed at you for it. You called it, "Kumogorou's Law of Magnets".  
  
I remember saying while laughing with my hand over my mouth, "What the hell?"  
You smiled and threw Kumogorou on my lap. "See? Kumogorou is attracted to you because he likes you."  
"You mean his owner does." I answered matter-of-factly as I watched the car window. The lights on the Seto bridge were dim yet nice to look at.  
"And his owner only throws him in two ways." Ryuichi then took Kumagorou again into his hands and smiled. He threw him on my head. "See this is to give you an idea. But when I aim this to Tatsuha's heart, that means Tatsuha is mine. That's how the world works."  
"And I only get touched by Kumagorou? Aww…" I sighed in fake display of defeat with a pout. "That's boring.  
"Don't tempt me or I'll jump you right here and now."  
I laughed aloud as my eyes opened in shock. "There's a driver beyond that dark screen in front of us, you know," I whispered.  
"I'll have you even if I had the windows open," he seriously said as he leaned over me.  
"This is my car. I rule my own world…"  
"Whatever you want, your highness…" I replied with a seductive smile while inviting the kiss that he had started…  
  
I clenched my hands as I started to begin to have tears in my hands. "That's how the world works…" I mumbled.  
  
At that moment, the radio announcer said, "For those of you who haven't heard yet, Ryuichi Sakuma has been ill for a day now and we'd like to pay a tribute for him. So, just call in with your Nittle Grasper requests and we'll play them all night long."  
  
My heart sank lower and even more from guilt.  
  
Fate's really wringing me out now. No, it can't. Not until it has every drop of my blood while I sit here with a 100 degree fever and feel like I'm lifting imaginary weights.  
  
"Ah!" The announcer continued, "We'll start off with 'Don't Lie to Me."  
  
I sunk lower and lower into my seat wishing I could disappear.  
  
Ryuichi's beautiful voice sang passionately with the fast tempo:  
"Wakaranai. Wakaranai.  
Uso to iu ka?  
Kono kotoba wa boku no yume  
demo...  
Can you reach me?  
Can you reach me?  
  
Jibun no naka de,  
ienai, nakitai yo.  
I want to reach for you.  
Do you understand me?  
  
Kono omoi...  
oboeteimasu ka?  
Te to te  
Me to me.  
Miseteru.  
But I feel like I'm not there.  
Ima, touku yume wa  
boku no mae ni.  
  
Oshienasai,   
boku no kokoro ga motto kowashita?  
Humans are not meant to live this way.  
Aisenai to omotte  
Dekinai.  
  
Pick up the pieces that I can't fix   
I push you away   
Don't care if I say I don't love you   
Kill me if you must   
But don't ever lie to me.   
  
(whisper)  
Want to touch you  
Want to feel you  
Why can't I feel you're near  
when you're in front of me.  
You tell me you love me  
with your eyes.  
  
Kowashita jibun  
Gurasu no kagami ni  
Datenshi  
Namida ga koboreta,  
demo kimi ga mienai.  
  
Pick up the pieces that I can't fix anymore (hold me closer)  
I push you away (because I want you near me)  
Don't care if I say I don't love you (when I really do)  
Kill me if you must (I don't care anymore)  
But don't ever lie to me. (That would be worse than death.)"  
  
I didn't mean to do this, Ryuichi. Please forgive me.  
If you knew an inkling about how much this all feels right now, being torn between two sides of myself, you'd be strong for me too.  
  
You know I would never do this to you. Trust me.  
Please, just trust me on this one.  
  
"I hope he gets better soon," the cab driver mumbled to himself.  
  
"Me too." I answered without hesitation. I sighed to myself as I watched time pass like an eternity.  
  
I have to get there as soon as I can.  
  
  
I think-  
No, I _know_ I'm the only one who can make my Baby better…  
  
  
To be continued.  
--  
Author's note: Actually, the song was one I made up yesterday for my Yami no Matsuei fic called 'I'll stand by you.' And it was sung by Tsuzuki.  
Well, thanks so far for the support, but guys, we've got to remember that I'm the one doing all the cruel things to Tatsuha. :^^;; Gomen ne! We can't blame him all the way. And I'm trying my best to bring out the chapters, but I've also got a lot of other series going too. Currently I'm also trying to finish X, Tokyo Babylon, and other fics. I believe that if I do rush these chapters, I won't give the care and love each fanfic needs. Besides, waiting is half of the fun, ne? * thinks about "Te Amo" by Akuma *  
  
translation to Ryuichi's song for those interested:  
"Wakaranai. Wakaranai.  
I don't know. I don't know.  
  
Uso to iu ka?  
Did you say a lie?  
  
Kono kotoba wa boku no yume demo...  
These words are my dream, but...  
  
Can you reach me?  
Can you reach me?  
  
Jibun no naka de,  
Inside of myself,  
  
ienai, nakitai yo.  
I can't say. I want to cry!  
  
I want to reach for you.  
Do you understand me?  
  
Kono omoi...  
These thoughts...  
  
oboeteimasu ka?  
Do you remember?  
  
Te to te  
Hand to hand.  
  
Me to me.  
Eye to eye.  
  
Miseteru.  
Staring at one another.  
  
But I feel like I'm not there.  
  
Ima, touku yume wa boku no mae ni.  
The faraway dream is in front of me now.  
  
Oshienasai,   
(Commanding you to) Tell me,  
  
boku no kokoro ga motto kowashita?  
Why is my heart so broken?  
  
Humans are not meant to live this way.  
  
Aisenai to omotte  
I think, 'I cannot love'.  
  
Dekinai.  
I can't.  
  
Pick up the pieces that I can't fix   
I push you away   
Don't care if I say I don't love you   
Kill me if you must   
But don't ever lie to me.   
  
  
(whisper)  
Want to touch you  
Want to feel you  
Why can't I feel you're near  
when you're in front of me.  
You tell me you love me  
with your eyes.  
  
Kowashita jibun  
The broken self  
  
Gurasu no kagami ni  
In the glass mirror  
  
Datenshi  
The fallen angel  
  
Namida ga koboreta,  
tears had fallen.  
  
demo kimi ga mienai.  
but you can't see them.  
  
Pick up the pieces that I can't fix anymore (hold me closer)  
I push you away (because I want you near me)  
Don't care if I say I don't love you (when I really do)  
Kill me if you must (I don't care anymore)  
But don't ever lie to me. (That would be worse than death.)" 


	6. Chapter 5 Naninani o shita ka? Whatwha...

Disclaimer: Gravitation is by Maki Murakami. Song lyrics such as 'Fallen Angel' are mine.  
  
Aching Desire.  
(Nagareboshi 3)  
By Miyamoto Yui  
  
Chapter 5 - "Nani...nani o shita ka?' ('What...what have I done?')  
  
As the more songs played, the more I sank into my seat. I thought I was almost there, but then I shook my head as my lips pursed in annoyance at Fate. For you know what she did?  
  
She played Nagareboshi for me. How sweet.   
The song I had made with Ryuichi in this hotel was coming back to me. "You are so near, yet so far from me," I had whispered to him.  
I even held him almost in tears wondering about him leaving for America that night after the concert. He would think that there is nothing more to us.  
  
Well, that's what I had thought...  
...until he gave me kumogorou as his guarantee...  
  
"Nagareboshi" was still playing as I paid the driver an indecent sum and walked as quickly as I could in my sick condition. And since it was what time in the morning, the street was somewhat quiet.  
It echoed off the building in the distance. But to me, the song's words and music were very clear.   
  
It was playing in my head like a mantra along with my heartbeat following its fast tempo.  
  
"I'll jump off the ledge for you too!" he had shouted to the audience.  
  
I pressed the 'up' button of the elevator and entered as soon as it opened before me.  
The floor numbers rose and I felt like gravity was pushing my heart further and further.  
  
"Calm down, Tatsuha," I whispered to myself like a lunatic on the loose.  
  
I am.  
  
I almost laughed as I stood in that elevator.  
  
I walked quickly towards his door as the elevator opened before me. I was coughing and my body felt like hell itself enclosed, but I found myself running.  
  
I have to get there on time. I have to get there on time. I have to get there on time...  
  
Knock, knock.  
  
How will I say sorry to you, Ryuichi? How can we get through this?  
I can't say goodbye-  
  
Will you forgive me?  
  
Click.  
  
Ryuichi stood before me in pajamas and a tired face. He rubbed his eyes with one hand while the other held his infamous Kumagorou firmly.  
  
"Ryuichi...I'm-" I started to say.  
  
He glared at me like a child who had just lost their best friend.   
  
Yes, I know...  
I took him away from you.  
  
I'm competing against myself, don't you know that?  
  
He took a hold of my arm and threw me to the ground. And it was even harsher because he couldn't say anything.   
But his eyes made up for half of the share his voice cannot cover at the moment.  
  
I sat on the ground too stunned to do anything.  
  
He started to kneel on the ground. When he did, he threw Kumogorou at my chest.  
But then, I felt his fists softly pounding on my heart too.   
  
My eyes had been closed the whole time and I had really expected to be beaten for what I had done. It was not a fair judgment though. I needed more torture for my guilt to go away.  
  
Plip, plop.  
  
His tears landed on my cheeks as if I had cried myself. With his eyes tightly shut, his mouth wanted to shout, "TATSUHA! BAAAKAAAAA!!!!"  
  
I could hear his voice clear in my mind though...  
  
I then looked at the empty hallway and got up. I took my idol into my arms and found the strength to lift him up.  
He shook his head slowly in protest, but then, as I entered the room, I held him firmly.   
I finally heard the radio station playing the Nittle Grasper songs that it had promised for the night.   
The door closed in back of me and I leaned upon it. Slipping to the ground, I held Ryuichi tightly in my lap as I whispered over and over, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry..."  
  
And he continued to sob.  
  
My god has gone crazy...  
For this unworthy person...  
  
For an instant, a portion of my life flashed over my mind as I thought about the time that Ryuichi had jumped into my arms at the airport. After that day, he took me to the beach to spend a vacation with me...  
  
"I don't know what I'd ever do if I couldn't have you, Tatsuha..." his voice trailed off.  
The wind blew as he leaned his arms on the railing of the balcony of his beach house over looking the sea.  
I had gotten some tea for both of us to drink and came back to him saying that. He didn't even turn his head. But he looked so serious in contemplation with his hands folded.  
  
His knuckles were turning white...  
  
I laughed at him. "Why would you say something like that, Ryuichi?" I answered as I walked towards him.  
"You're my Kumogorou. I can't give you back. I can't go back to the way I used to be."  
As I stood next to him, he still looked out to the sea before him as I blinked my eyes with a loss for words.   
  
"Ryuichi..." I leaned my head on his shoulder.  
That's what I had thought when I first saw you perform in a concert...  
  
  
The memory began to haze as I held onto him.  
  
  
You always know what you want, Ryuichi. That's something with experience, I guess. I don't know much about life yet...  
But there was only one thing I was sure of: You.   
I don't know why.  
  
The person who took fate in his hands and twisted it for himself...  
He's collapsed into my arms.   
  
I...I did this to him.  
  
  
I shook my head as I kissed his hair over and over. "Please forgive me, Ryuichi. I promise I won't let this happen again."  
  
He pushed me lightly away.   
At that moment, my ears heard the words as Ryuichi looked at me with a lost and forsaken expression in his eyes. Putting his hands over my ears, my eyes opened in horror.  
  
I then saw what was under his sleeves. He guiltily held out his wrists with a 'little kid lost' look.  
It was only then did I finally understand what Shuichi had meant...  
  
The white gauze was starting to come out both of his arms...  
With splotches of blood everywhere...  
  
Ryuichi then tilted his head sweetly at me and sang in lip sync to "Fallen Angel"'s last lyrics,  
  
"Through the shadows of myself (Grasping blindly for anything)  
I reach deep into this feeling (This burning desire)  
that makes all humans fall apart. (And puts gods to their knees)  
Falling deeper into you, (More than you'll ever know)  
I've forsaken Heaven. (To find you)  
Fallen Angel. (Come back to me.)"  
  
It was eerie and heartbreaking to watch him. His song played...  
But here my beloved singer was before me...  
  
With his desparate eyes with a mouth that had nothing coming from it.   
  
  
I looked deeply back into his eyes and shook my head in more denial as I began to form tears in my eyes.  
  
"What...what have I done?"   
  
--  
Author's note: Hi guys! Sorry for this fic being way too dramatic, but I can help it. Hope you guys liked it! 


	7. Chapter 6 Kimi no mono Yours

Disclaimer: Gravitation is done by Murakami-sensei. 'Nagareboshi' lyrics are mine.  
  
Aching Desire  
(Nagareboshi 3)  
by Miyamoto Yui  
  
  
Chapter 6 - Kimi no mono. (Yours.)  
  
While we were in the bathroom, I pushed him on the toilet seat as I continued to unwrap the already loose bandages. As I did so, I carefully lifted his arms because I didn't know what had happened.  
I was even more apprehensive and afraid to ask. Yes, I was very scared to find out what that answer would be.  
He blinked at me and watched me as I avoided his gaze.  
  
Like a chant that one repeats over and over, I damned myself every time I unwound the gauze.   
I didn't even want to look at what damage I had done.  
  
When I was done, I looked at the arms that were supported by my hands.   
I don't think I've ever seen so many bruises in my life. Well, that's to say except when my brother beat up people that would even THINK of making fun of his siblings and himself.  
There was a large gash through each of the arms. I...  
  
I could even see some raw flesh...  
  
I began to cry again.   
"I...Ryuichi..." I couldn't even form a single coherent thought.  
  
Ryuichi took his arms away and cupped his hands on my face. But I wouldn't even look at him.   
  
I just couldn't.  
  
He slowly turned my head towards him and I looked at him straight in the face.   
"Daijoubu..." his lips moved.  
  
I turned my head abruptly and he let go. "No, it isn't okay," I replied.  
  
I then took his arms and put them on the sink to wash them. "I'm sorry, but you know this will sting a bit."  
He nodded his head.  
Then, I took him to the bedroom and we sat on the bed with the first aid kit laid out in the middle of it. He sat on the foot of the bed as I knelt before him trying to rub the alcohol on his arms.  
"I don't want them infected more than you do," I mumbled softly..  
  
But all the while, I continued to avoid his lonely gaze at me.  
  
I took out the new white bandages and wrapped them on his arms as I said, "Ryuichi. You are thirty-three years old. You can't just go do things like this."  
  
"I know it's my fault..." I sighed.   
  
But I honestly didn't think he would ever react this way to me.  
  
  
He began to sniff and I looked at him to find him biting his lip like a little kid with tears in his eyes.  
"Stop, stop!" I said worriedly. "Anything! Anything but that look, okay?"  
He sniffed again, but stopped sobbing. With a small nod, he still looked into my eyes.   
I grabbed a Kleenex. "Here. Blow your nose."  
Then, I threw the Kleenex away as I started to wrap the bandages once more.  
  
"I'm not scolding you, Ryuichi," I comforted. "I'm just saying you're thirty-three years old..."  
I looked at Kumagorou on the cushions. "Okay, thirty-three with a pink bunny as your companion."  
He pouted at me with a big lip and blinked at me with a 'You're saying it like it's such a problem now.?' I shook my head in response.  
  
Hell no! That's what made me crazy about you when I met you in real life!   
You drive me nuts whenever you act like a little kid!!  
  
Ryuichi then pointed at me. "Kimi mo," his lips said.  
  
I smiled at that moment.   
After all I've done...  
  
He began to flash me his fabulous smile and I...  
  
I was really trying my hardest not to jump him.   
No, you just don't understand, I WANTED him right then and there whenever he smiled like _that_.  
  
"Stop that." I lightly scolded as I stopped in the middle of wrapping the other arm.  
  
"Nani?" His mouth asked as he laughed while he poking me.  
  
"_That_ ." I replied as I smiled back even more widely.  
  
He then grabbed me and pushed onto the bed and I watched him shocked at what he was doing and in horror because of his wounds.  
"Don't do that, you'll hurt yourself!" I said as he leaned lower and closer to my face and body.  
  
I smirked as I looked up at him. He still kept his firm grip on my wrists as he pushed them onto the bed.  
  
"You..." I laughed. "I'm sick. You'll get sick too. And your arms..."  
  
He shook his head. "Are you going to stop me," his lips mumbled.  
  
"Is that a trick question?" I playfully answered back.  
  
There's no stopping him when he's like this.  
I know.  
  
And I'm not complaining. * wink *  
  
Not like he hasn't done it before either. * big sweatdrop *  
  
He then sat on my lap as I laid there on the bed not wanting to resist at all. He then let go of my wrists as he undid my shirt slowly.  
I watched him as he did so and didn't look away.  
  
Ryuichi then placed his hands inside my shirt and swept it off smoothly as he began to lean down to kiss my chest...  
  
As the night passed on, the radio still played softly in the background.   
I breathlessly pulled his head and whispered to his ear, "The neighbors might hear us."  
  
That's when I blushed as I blinked at him. I was...vocal. * ahem *  
Too vocal.   
  
His shook his head and said what he always lived by: "I don't care," I read from his lips.  
  
"I always did like the way you thought." I then turned our bodies over and I began to kiss him all over his body.   
He grabbed the sheets with his hands as I tainted him lower and lower...  
  
  
When the night was over, I just laid there next to him. And he once again became the possessive little boy I had known him to be.  
I then got up to turn off the radio. His sleeping eyes were closed shut and I stared at him.  
  
Closely, I sang softly,  
"The falling stars keep on falling (even to the edge  
of the earth)  
You can't touch something so hot (though you're a moth  
to a flame)  
You'll burn yourself, (It doesn't matter)  
And yet we try (to keep this feeling inside)  
To keep it alive (a forbidden desire)  
Even if we die. (Catch me.)"  
  
"Kimi no mono," I whispered as I snuggled next to his warm body.  
  
  
To be continued...  
--  
Author's note: Okay guys, I cannot write lemon, so this is as yaoi as it gets. Gomen ne! I can't write that type of stuff well...and I don't want to... * blinks *  
Hope you enjoyed it though. It took quite awhile due to distractions. ^^;;;  
But I just wanted to say thanks again for the support! And you guys actually read my random notes. I love talking to you guys! (My Aim is, btw: KanglinShimriya)  
Also, just to let you know because some have been asking me and I cannot write back to e-mails right now since I've been bogged down with stuff, but thanks!!!!   
  
(So, just know that I do have a personal mailing list if you want to subscribe and/or other fics if you want to read. Sorry if this is a repeat to other mls, I just need to inform the rest. ^^;; Just please look it up on my ff.net profile: http://fanfiction.net/profile.php?userid=188649)  
  
Kimi mo - you too / you also 


	8. Chapter 7 You worship me

Disclaimer: Gravitation is by Maki Murakami. DJ Sammy's Heaven is theirs. ^^;;; (the song I use right in the beginning)  
  
Aching Desire  
(Nagareboshi 3)  
by Miyamoto Yui  
  
  
Chapter 7 - You worship me.  
  
"...Baby, you're all that I want. When you're lying here in my arms. I'm finding it hard to believe. We're in heaven..." the clock alarm played as I blinked my eyes.  
  
A bare-chested Ryuichi and buckling his pants. He turned his head to me as the sun shone on him while he smiled at me. "Ohaiyo."  
  
I still sighed though I could hear his voice talking in my head. "What are you going to do?"  
  
I then opened my eyes and grabbed the phone. "I have to make a phone call!"  
  
Ring...ring.  
  
"Nani?" an annoyed voice answered.   
Yup, that's my brother all right and not Shuichi stealing his cell phone again.  
"It's me," I replied.  
"Don't worry. I got it all covered," my brother said with a deadpan tone.  
"You didn't..." I said with a smile on my face.   
"Told father I took you to our place to explain why you're here in Tokyo instead of Kyoto. Used my influence on the hospital to make them shut up." He sighed in relief. "You owe me _big_ for this one, Tatsuha. But at least you're using your head now."  
I laughed. "Thanks, Aniki..."  
"Tatsuha?!" I heard two people say in the background.  
"Uh, how'd you know I was in Tokyo?" I blinked at the phone and waited for an answer.  
"Tatsuha, wherever the HELL Ryuichi is, you're sure to follow. And vice versa." He sighed in frustration. "You're so stupid sometimes."  
Then he laughed. "Welcome back, little brother."  
  
He has his good points...  
  
"TATSUHA-KUN~!" Shuichi screamed into the phone.  
"BAKA!" Yuki aniki shouted back.   
I held the phone out. "Are you okay, Tatsuha?! Did you see Ryuichi?! You probably have, but you're not dying or anything, right? Ne? Ne? Ne?!"  
"Yes, yes, and yes. Don't worry!" I sighed into the phone.   
  
Then, I smiled to myself. "Thanks..."  
  
"You would have done the same thing for me." He answered back. "But you're in tro-"  
  
"Tatsuha Uesugi! You are in trouble!" another voice scolded on the phone. "Yes, that's right."  
"Uh oh..." I blinked. Whenever K said my full name and spoke in full English to me, I was in a shit load of trouble. * blink, blink *  
"You better give Ryuichi back or else I will blow your head off."  
  
He never did beat around the bush. Eh heh heh...  
  
Ryuichi sneezed at that moment and I sweatdropped while smiling at him.  
  
"K, huh?" he asked and I nodded.  
  
"You still owe me for last time, Tatsuha!" the phone shouted at me.  
  
Then I blocked off the mouthpiece and whispered to Ryuichi, "He's still bitter from the last time...I, uh...made you late for work."  
  
"Tatsuha?" K waited for an answer and I could hear him with his gun clicking on the other line.  
  
He was doing an awesome job of making me feel like my ass could be kicked through the telephone lines. Damn, I wish I could learn that too!  
  
"I didn't kidnap him this time, I swear!" I protested.   
  
Then again, he _wanted_ to be kidnapped too. It's not exactly too hard when you've got your boyfriend pinned to the sliding door of his beach house and start kissing him with all the windows open.  
Hey, it's a remote place. No one can see you or hear you scream.  
Think of it as personal stadium with only one for an audience.  
  
I smirked to myself and blushed.  
  
"Well, you better find a way to make his voice come back for the concert in TWO WEEKS! GOT THAT?! TWO WEEKS!!!"  
My ears were ringing as I nodded my head at the phone. "I'm trying, I'm trying!"  
"This is your fault, Tatsuha!"  
"Okay, okay, I know!" I said helplessly. "Stop rubbing it in already!"  
  
"Good luck. I'm counting on you, Tatsuha-kun," yet another voice talked into the phone.  
"I'm trying my best, Touma-san!" I said as I sweatdropped more.  
"No repeat performances...Or ELSE," the calm, yet threatening voice said to me and I could hear his sadistic smile in his tone.  
"Mission accepted," I answered in an 'eep' voice.  
  
"Okay, have fun with Ryuichi and get here by tonight so that you can call your dad from our place," Shuichi whispered.  
"Hai, hai."  
"Bye."  
"Ja."  
  
Click.  
  
I let out a sigh as Ryuichi patted my head. "Doushita no?  
"They think I kidnapped you again." I blinked at him. "Plus, they're really REALLY mad that I stressed you out to the point that you lost your voice."  
  
I blinked at him more in desparation and fear. "Touma-san even got mad. And you know it's worse when he's doing it so calmly."  
  
We both shivered and nodded our heads while sweatdropping and sighing at the same time.  
  
"That's bad." He answered.  
I nodded quickly.  
  
"I've known him since I was little! And I'm still scared of him!"   
  
I looked up to him with the sheets covering the contours of my body as I put my hands on his shoulders. "But how the hell am I going to get Japan's idol's voice back?!"  
  
Ryuichi got Kumagorou and they nodded their heads together.  
  
I bent my head down and sighed. "You both aren't helping."  
  
Ryuichi then lifted up his finger and got something. He ran back into the room and wrote on a dry-erase board, "I'm going to have fun seeing you try?"  
  
I looked at him. "I'm going to jump you again. Stop being cute."  
  
Blink, blink. He tilted his head at me with a smile.  
  
"Stop that! We just..." I blinked my eyes again. "And you're starting to have a cold..."  
  
Erase, erase. Write, write.   
I expected something like, "Since when did I ever care about that?"  
But, he wrote it in one word. And it was straight and to the point: "So???"  
  
"Aw dammit!" I shook my head. I pounced on him again and looked down at him as I pinned him to the bed. "You're cruel. You sometimes get so awful I _know_ the devil worships you."  
  
"Devil or god? I'm both." He had said to me once. "That's why I'm the fallen angel."  
  
I smiled as he looked up at me. I started to tease him while pulling one of his bandage's strap with my teeth.  
  
"I know." He winked at me. "But _You_ worship me."  
  
  
To be continued...  
  
--  
Author's notes: See, Tatsuha will get tortured by life but I needed waffy before the real angst begins. ^^;;; * big sweatdrops *   
And Ryuichi isn't torturing him with angst... Hee.  
  
Oh, and one more thing! I just wanted to say that I've never seen readers so into a fic before! ^_~  
  
Doushita no? - what happened? 


	9. Chapter 8 I have chosen

Disclaimer: Gravitation belongs to Maki Murakami-sama. I just love writing too much so I write fanfics.  
  
Note: Ryuichi still has no voice. They're just communicating by 1) lip movements and 2) whatever it is called between two bishies in love.  
  
  
Aching Desire  
(Nagareboshi 3)  
by Miyamoto Yui  
  
Chapter 8 – Kimeta. (I have chosen.)  
  
I laughed, "You know it's bad when you understand K say, 'You are in trouble, Tatsuha Uesugi! Yes, that's right.' And that's about the extent of my English."  
Ryuichi patted me as we walked to the front door. "I've taught you English!"  
"'Yes' doesn't count." I winked at him.  
"You just didn't pay attention to me! I taught you so many times!"  
"You are just so sexy when you speak English. Do you think I'll pay attention to what it all means???"  
"Good point."  
  
As I took a hold of the knob, my heart became heavy again.  
  
"I guess I've got to go bye bye…" I sighed as I took up my small backpack that Ryuichi had given to me.  
Ryuichi smiled softly at me and patted my head. "Daijoubu."  
  
Kumagorou waved at me. "Ja ne!"  
  
I leaned over to pat Kumagorou as I kissed Ryuichi on the cheek. He then placed Kumagorou on the couch as he grabbed my face suddenly and really kissed me on the mouth.  
  
That's what I love about you.   
You're so extreme and intense.  
  
But you always know what you want. Even if it kills you.  
  
I glanced at the bandages… * mental sigh *  
  
I smiled back as I patted his cheek and blinked slowly. "I'll see you later."  
  
"You have to make my voice come back."  
"There's no way I can do that." I blinked. "That's out of my control."  
"I know. But I wanna see you try." He stuck his tongue out at me.  
  
"Bye, Ryuichi." I turned and left him.  
  
It felt good to say his name. You don't realize that saying someone's name can give you such a response until you don't have them anymore.  
  
But, as I stood in front of the elevator, I felt my stomach turning inside out. I couldn't pinpoint if it was the guilt of making Ryuichi lose his voice, deceiving my father, or that something was not quite right.  
  
Someone walked next to me and we both entered the elevator.  
When the doors closed, the man said, "Please don't make a scene as we exit the elevator in the lobby."  
"Huh?" I turned to him.  
"Uesugi Tatsuha-san, my orders are to escort you back to Kyoto."  
  
I knew that voice anywhere…  
It was my father's bodyguard, Minoru.  
  
I looked from side to side and tried to think of a plan.  
  
"Don't even think about it," Minoru said. "If you resist, it will be to your disadvantage."  
"My father…"  
"He is dying, Uesugi-san." He shook his head.   
"This is pretty underhanded." I replied in disgust.  
  
But my father wouldn't do that. He was too nice.  
He was just thinking of my future.   
  
I know he's thinking well on my behalf, but…  
  
I leaned back on the elevator's back wall in defiance and crossed my legs and arms.  
  
Ryuichi…  
Help me…  
  
The elevator opened and I was escorted to the family car as I looked up to find Ryuichi looked down at me in alarm.  
  
I smiled despite everything.  
It was one of defeat.  
  
As I rode back, I thought about everything and what I had to and what I wanted.  
  
There has _got_ to be a way! But I knew too well that if I resisted at this point, I could kill my father and I wouldn't be able to live with that.  
  
But if were to truly give Ryuichi up…  
That would kill me.  
  
Life sucks. Either way I choose is horrible.   
  
"Argh!" I sighed aloud.  
  
"Is there something wrong, Tatsuha-san? Are you hungry or something?" Minoru asked me.  
  
I shook my head.  
  
Is there something wrong, my ass! Kidnapping me doesn't merit as 'going home'!  
Is this what my father calls, 'Forcefully escorting you home'???  
  
But my stomach began to churn and I had a bad feeling about this whole situation. I felt that things were going from bad to worse.  
Except…  
He would only do this in such an extreme situation like the time he was sick years ago when I was in elementary school.  
  
When I got home hours later, I was taken to my father's room to find my brother and sister alredy there. Yuki aniki was standing to the side and leaning on the wall as Mika oneesan sat in a chair next to father.  
My father was on his bed with an oxygen mask on. He looked up at me and smiled sadly. When I was next to him, he patted my hand. "Tatsuha…why…why did you lie to me?"  
  
My eyes opened wide as I mumbled, "Father…"  
  
"I want you to be happy, Tatsuha. But I also want to see that someone will inherit this household when I die." He coughed. ""Can you at least grant me this much?"  
  
I gulped.  
  
Why?! Why does it always have to be this way?!  
  
I was his favorite. I was the one that who always listened to him and did as I was told. I only defied him whenever it came to Ryuichi and my obsession with him.  
That was the only thing we disagreed on.  
  
"I…" I gripped his hand back as I looked at him. "I want to be happy too."  
  
I then let go and bowed to the ground. "All my life I've listened to you. Please…please give me Ryuichi."  
  
At least I will fight to the end…  
  
An image of a smiling Ryuichi came before me.  
  
I clenched my hands as my eyes closed tightly. I then grind my forehead to the floor. "I want this. I want him."  
  
My father's voice raised as he coughed more, "You mean you're willing to forsake your whole household for someone you've idolized all your life?!"  
"Father!" Mika oneesan shouted as she held onto him when he tried to get up.  
  
"You're acting like Yuki over there!" he pointed.  
  
I looked at Yuki aniki as he kept his calmness with his arms crossed. He didn't say anything, but nor could he.  
  
I then got up. "Please forgive me for what I'm about to do."  
  
My heart cringed as I took a hold of myself.  
But I've got to pull through.  
  
All my life, I've followed what I was supposed to do. I don't want to do that anymore. I want to choose something…  
  
"I disown myself from this household," I calmly announced as I bowed.  
  
Without looking back, I quietly walked out of the room.  
  
Tap, tap…  
  
  
To be continued.  
--  
  
Author's note: Well, how's that so far? Such a twist of events, ne? * sighs *  
I didn't want to make his dad as the 'bad guy', for there is no right or wrong answer in these types of situations. I just wanted this to be a little realistic since I know there are a lot of people who must have a similar problem or other.  
* sighs * I hurt my throat two weeks ago because of stress. Life sucks sometimes… 


	10. Chapter 9 Convince me

Disclaimer: Gravitation is by Maki Murakami and not mine. I'm just crazy about it.  
  
Aching Desire  
(Nagareboshi 3)  
by Miyamoto Yui  
  
Chapter 9 – Convince me.  
  
  
As I walked out of my house, I heard a loud shout, "Tatsuha!!!"  
  
But no one came after me. Sad as it was, Mika oneesan and Yuki aniki agreed with me on this one, but could do nothing about it.  
I couldn't even imagine how our father would react to this 'rebellion'.  
  
I found myself running away, though. I ran as fast as I could. I ran all the way to the subway station with all that I had. The clothes on my back and the little money I had put in my pocket left from last night's departure.  
  
I sighed as I got my ticket and sat on the train.   
The scenery whirred by me, but everything was in a daze already. I still couldn't believe what I had done.  
I probably damned myself to kingdom come now. And if this was supposed to be a good thing, why do I feel so bad inside?  
  
Because I disappointed my father. That's why.  
  
I sighed even more.  
  
But then again, I cannot give up Ryuichi.  
What's so wrong about asking for that one thing you want the most?  
  
I…I never asked for anything else so badly.  
  
I had thought Ryuichi was just someone whom I would never get to fall in love. No, let me rephrase that: I didn't know he would fall in love with me.  
I thought I was just one of those people he passed by and would never think of again.  
But then, when he kissed me, it just made me want to keep him more.  
  
The telephone poles numerously passed by the windows and I almost counted all of them to relieve myself of thinking of anything else as I sat there quietly.  
  
I began to cough again.  
My fever was gone, but I still felt like I was sick. So, it didn't help any.  
  
For the first time in my life…  
I'm actually homeless.  
  
I smiled to myself like the madman I had always been.  
  
But then I thought about the first time I met Ryuichi and he threw his Kumagorou at me. I remembered how confused he looked and how conniving I thought I would be if I ever met him.  
Instead, I ended up being more kawaii'ed out more than anything and acting like a fool when I thought I was acting so cool.  
  
Then again, my brain flies away whenever I'm with Ryuichi.  
  
Only, I know he doesn't remember the first time I went to Touma's house when I had only turned twelve.  
I had gotten lost in his home and I pushed the door to find the room I had left. Accidentally, I saw Ryuichi coming out of the bathroom with only his towel wrapped around his waist.  
"I'm sorry!" I shouted as he laughed at me with a smile and a wave while saying, "Daijoubu!"  
I shut the door behind me not really believing what I just saw.  
My nose bled and so I was lost and trying to find a bathroom at the same time…  
  
It was then that I realized that my feelings were more than admiration…  
I got depressed over that.  
  
I knew I didn't stand a chance.  
But helplessly, I found myself falling in love with him as the months went by. Even though he only knew me as the boy who accidentally opened the door at the wrong (or right, depending on your view) time.  
And it became even harder when I knew I couldn't reach him at all…  
  
So, you can't imagine how much I was in shock when he said he loved me back…  
I couldn't go to sleep for days, to say the least.  
  
When I got to Tokyo, I walked to the hotel since it was close by. As I was let out of the elevator, I walked calmly to his door and knocked again.  
  
"Tatsuha…" Ryuichi was really shocked to find me in front of him.  
  
"I disowned myself," I answered back as I avoided his eyes.  
  
"Hontou ni?" I could feel him blinking his eyes incredulously as he held one of my hands between both of his.  
He then pulled me into the room.  
  
Ryuichi turned around to fix the couch, but when he looked back at me, I started to laugh. "I just disowned myself. Isn't that so funny?"  
  
He then came to me hugged me tightly.  
  
"But I have you…" I whispered softly as I grabbed onto his sleeves and pulled him to the bed.  
  
"Ryuichi?" I seductively whispered to his ear, "Tell me I made the right decision."  
  
I felt at that moment my heart stop as my mind hazed.  
I know I made the right decision…  
  
But I feel so alone…  
  
  
I then sat him on the bed as I unbuttoned my shirt. I looked down at him as my shirt slipped to my elbows.  
  
Doki doki doki…  
  
While leaning closer to him, I commanded while desparately whispering into his ear,   
"Ryuichi…make love to me…"   
  
  
to be continued.  
--  
Author's note: Whoa…* stop breathing * I don't know, but to me, this seemed to make me really stop and think. For me, this and the first chapters were the most intense chapter so far. I felt like, 'oh my…' when I wrote them.  
Thanks for all the support again!!! So, I made two chapters today for you. 


	11. Chapter 10 Even I fear that day

Disclaimer: Gravitation isn't Yui's. You know what else should be here.  
  
Aching Desire  
(Nagareboshi 3)  
by Miyamoto Yui  
  
Chapter 10 – Even I fear that day.  
  
I woke up to find Ryuichi still sleeping next to me. I poked him on the forehead as he blinked his eyes at me. "Ohaiyo," I greeted.  
"Ohaiyo," he said as he smiled and got up.  
I sat up as he went to the bathroom.   
  
"What do I do now?" I asked him.  
  
I didn't know how to say the million things running through my head. That I was starting college next month and how was I supposed to pay for that? Or what was my father going to do without me? And how was he doing?  
What have I done to myself? Will I ruin Ryuichi and myself because I didn't push him away or that he couldn't stop this obsession with me either?  
  
It's hard enough people love another. It's harder when it's more than an infatuation. I don't even know how to describe how intense it is to love each other so much you'd…  
You'd…  
  
"The winner takes it all," I sang as I put on my pants and walked up to the window.  
  
I sighed as Ryuichi hugged me from behind to tell me it was okay.  
  
"I want to live with you, Ryuichi…"  
Ryuichi then turned my face. "You didn't even have to ask me."  
  
"But how will I pay for everything-"  
He shook his head. "Shinpai shinai de."  
  
I pouted. "You spoil me too much."  
"No, I don't." He then let go as we walked over to the kitchen to get something to eat.  
  
He started to make some eggs as I sat on the couch. "No I don't he says. Ha!"  
  
He started to look at the ceiling with much guilt.  
  
"I remember going past a travel agency with you and I laughed while saying, 'I want to go to an onsen.' That weekend, we went. And then you added, 'If you didn't have school, we could have gone that night.'" I sighed happily. "Yes, you _do_ spoil me."  
  
"Because you never really say you want anything." He flipped the omelet.  
  
"Yes I do," I protested.  
"No, you don't."  
  
That's true. I never really asked for anything else, haven't I?  
I guess I just like where I am and where I belong.  
  
After we ate, I accompanied Ryuichi to go to the stadium where they were setting up his concert for the next week. K then shouted from a distance, "TATSUHA UESUGI!!!"  
  
And yet again, we ran around the stadium as Ryuichi coordinated everything where they should have been. Then, he sat down with Kumagorou to watch us.  
  
"He hasn't gotten his voice back!" K shouted as he held out his gun at me. "You're failing your mission! And if you do, you die!"  
"I promise I'll get it back!" I shouted as I ran even faster.  
"Okay." K then stopped and put the gun in his holster.  
I huffed and puffed for my life.  
  
"Ever seen Gundam Wing?" a voice behind me said as they tapped me softly on the shoulder.  
I feared looking back, so I just gulped. "Y-yes, Touma-san."  
"I can go on Zero mode like my cousin's performance…" he took a gentle hold of my shoulder. "Only I can be so much worse."  
"I-I know you can," I answered back.  
  
K in front of me even sweatdropped.  
  
"Now that we have this in order," Touma then patted my head. And seriously, he asked, "I heard the news."  
  
We looked at Ryuichi out in the stadium trying to coordinate himself with the music and his hand movements. It still made me feel kind of weird though.  
My singer with no voice…  
  
"So, what are you going to do, Tatsuha-kun?" Touma asked as he kept his hand firmly on my shoulder. "Your father will take you back. With consent or not."  
  
"But I disowned myself." I firmly replied.  
  
"No matter what you do. You cannot run away from your fate."  
  
"But why can't I choose this?"  
  
"You can. You've just got to think of a way." He then turned around and whispered with a pat, "I'll think of a way. You just think of getting Ryuichi's voice back."  
  
I glanced back at Touma-san. "Thank you."  
  
"Yuki's unhappy. Mika's worried." He then sighed. "And…I wasn't supposed to tell you this, so keep this a secret okay?"  
  
I nodded. "When you threw Ryuichi to the street, he called me up that night to say that he was canceling-"  
  
"The concert???" I interrupted.   
  
He shook his head. "He was trying to terminate his contract with me."  
  
"What?!" I looked at him not really believing what he had just said to me.  
  
"He was going to quit singing all together and go back to Los Angeles if he couldn't have you."  
  
"I had no idea…" My mind was boggled out at that moment and I couldn't think clearly.  
  
I then stared closely at Ryuichi who was happily waving back at me. I waved back as best as I could.  
  
Touma then let go. With all honesty, he said this in a tone even he couldn't believe he was using, "No…You don't have _any_ idea. You may think I'm awful on Zero mode, but he's even worse than me."  
  
He closed his eyes to whisper calmly,   
"Even _I_ fear that day."  
  
  
To be continued…  
--  
Author's note: I know this is moving slowly, so I'll try to pick up the pace a bit. I don't want this to be too long. You guys might get upset with me over that. ^^;;;  
So, I'll just to really think of what's going to happen and get there asap. ^_^v  
But, I feel this is more intense than 'Infatuation' and I like the way the pace is going though. I don't know, but I feel it really is flowing well. 


	12. Chapter 11 Oboeteimasu ka? Do you reme...

Disclaimer: Gravitation isn't Yui's.  
  
Aching Desire  
(Nagareboshi 3)  
by Miyamoto Yui  
  
  
Chapter 11 – Oboeteimasu ka? (Do you remember?)  
  
When we went back to the hotel, I walked straight to the balcony to watch Tokyo flashing with many beautiful lights. Maybe it's just me. So many would love to leave and yet I yearned to always come.  
But with the silence, Touma's words wouldn't leave my head. As looked at Ryuichi for the rest of the day, I looked at his happy face with a transformation in my vision.  
I always am so surprised how far Ryuichi would go for what he truly cared about. To others, it might sound bratty. To me, I found it more passionate than ever.  
  
Even more than when he changed when he changed.   
Compared to everything I've seen and now what I've just learned, that was nothing. For him to be serious and kawaii little kid in one minute was nothing.  
Sometimes this scared me, but then it was something I found strength in too.  
  
Tap, tap.  
  
I turned around to find Ryuichi standing next to me with his arms crossed as he leaned on the railing. "You look like you've found something out."  
"You always read me so well."  
"Of course I do. I don't observe you when you're sleeping for nothing." He took Kumagorou from his head and shoved it into my hands. "What do you have to say?"  
"Don't get upset with Touma, but he told me, Ryuichi."  
Ryuichi turned away from me immediately. He sighed aloud.  
"You were terminating your contract."  
  
Damn, that was so hard to say.  
  
Silence.  
"Why? You have to at least tell me. There are so many who would love to see you singing. There are many of those who depend on you, Ryuichi."  
He turned to me with his eyes looking distant and his sad smile. "I'm a selfish brat, aren't I?"  
"But I sing for you, Tatsuha." He smiled as he patted my head. "And there was only one reason why I came here. Hitotsu dake!"  
He pointed at me. "You. So that I could stay here with you."  
  
Ryuichi then pushed himself off the railing. "So there's no point singing for someone who isn't even going to be there."  
  
He then gestured for me go inside. "Make dinner."  
  
As I did so, he started writing in a notebook. And when I was done with cooking, I sat next to him with my apron still on. He then dropped the notebook into my lap.  
  
It read:  
  
"I sang to find something that I can't anywhere else. I know you know and understand this. I've told you this before.   
But you know what? I was always looking around. I sang for people and it made me happy. I found something that I was good and made other people feel good too. But that wasn't what I looking for.  
It was something more.  
And I realized that when you said you would jump off the ledge for me.  
  
You probably don't remember this, but I remember a kid who came into my room while I was staying with Touma for a while…"  
  
I gasped in shock.  
  
"…and that boy came into the room after I had taken a shower. He was cute because he blushed so much that I laughed and teased him by saying 'Daijoubu'. Then, he bowed his head and closed the door behind him.  
Other people would have bothered me, but he respected my privacy. Even though Touma told me later that it was one of his good friend's little brother and he was a Nittle Grasper fan, I was so shocked since I found out he was a fan.  
And I was infatuated with that boy until I forgot what he looked like.   
  
Then, I saw him again years later. And you know what I did? Instead of doing all the things I planned in my head if I ever met him again, I threw Kumagorou at him.  
I was so in shock that I threw Kumagorou at him as a reflex.  
  
To make sure he was real.  
  
That's why I scheduled the day of the concert on the day I 'met' you years ago.  
  
  
You thought I'd forget, didn't you, Tatsuha?  
  
  
You love me as a person.  
Not some idol that you've always looked out. But honestly looked at who I am.   
This person who changes when he sings and becomes ticklish when he eats chocolate. You accepted this person without even thinking twice about your answers.  
  
And when I sang Nagareboshi and Fallen Angel, I wasn't singing to find what I was looking for anymore.  
  
I was singing to keep it.  
To keep you, Tatsuha.  
  
And if I couldn't even have that, then I don't want any of it.  
  
Maybe I'm a fool and carefree as they say, but I always know what I want and how I'm going to get it.  
  
Remember, I told you, 'It's either all or nothing. I can't love something in the middle'."  
  
I looked up to Ryuichi as he went to get plates so that we could eat. He smiled at me as bustled around to hide his nervousness.  
  
"Ryuichi…" I mumbled quietly. "You remembered…"  
  
It was then that I bowed my head with a smiled and folded the letter to put into my pocket.  
  
  
To be continued.  
--  
Author's note: I guess this is the pace. Oh god…  
I hope you guys will be patient because I'm telling you now and again that this will be a LONG fic no matter how much and fast I am trying to write it.  
Demo, demo…*winces* This was such a kawaii chapter!! 


	13. Chapter 12 Omoide ga ippai Lots of mem...

Disclaimer: Gravitation isn't mine. It's Murakami-sama's.  
  
Aching Desire  
(Nagareboshi 3)  
by Miyamoto Yui  
  
  
Chapter 12 – Omoide ga ippai. (Lots of memories.)  
  
  
That night, Ryuichi and I headed to Shuichi's and Yuki aniki's apartment.   
When we knocked on the door, I heard the rush of footsteps towards the front. And when Shuichi opened the door, he hugged me.  
Then, he whapped me on the head and pouted. "Tatsuha baka!"  
I sighed as I looked both at Ryuichi and Shuichi. "You guys react the same way."  
  
Figures.  
  
Ryuichi and Shuichi hi-fived one another as I entered the apartment. Ryuichi and I sat on the couch as Shuichi asked, "Wanna drink anything?"  
We nodded.  
"Yo." Yuki aniki greeted as he came out of the hallway. He lifted his fingers with the cigarette in them and motioned for me to follow him. "We need to talk."  
"That's why I'm here."  
I got up as Shuichi went over to talk to Ryuichi.  
  
When I got to the study, Yuki said, "Take my seat. I need to stand up for this one."  
He smoked his cig and let out a sigh while putting his fingers on his forehead to show his exasperation. "You have to be careful now."  
"What do you mean?" I looked at him intently.  
"Bold move, Tatsuha. Only, you idiot, you forgot to think of what happens next."  
I slumped in my chair. "I know. Boy, do I know."  
Yuki aniki paced back and forth in contemplation.  
"I have this feeling that I'm going to do something I'm going to regret," I blurted out.  
"We're just hoping that it doesn't involve father's plans," Yuki aniki said as he took another puff. He then leaned on his desk with one hand.  
"How _is_ father?"  
"Getting worse. He's growing delirious saying your name over and over."  
"Oh god…" I answered. "I'm horrible."  
Yuki aniki patted me on the head. "It's either this or hating the way your life will be if you're forced to do something like that."  
He patted me again. "Mika oneesan and I know you're trying hard. We're with you on this one, Tatsuha. Even Tou-chan is so worried about you and Ryuichi that he's contemplating plans as we speak."  
I smiled despite everything. "Thank you. It really does mean a lot to me."  
"Don't get all sentimental with me, boy." He got up. "If you turn into a coward again, I'll really kill you this time. That's to say before Shuichi drives me nuts again over what you did to Ryuichi."  
He looked at me. "You've got to think about my health too you know? Shuichi whining gets on my nerves, but it worries me. Don't tell him that."  
I laughed at my brother. "I love how you try to cheer me up with such a deadpan attitude."  
"I comfort people in my own way." He then put out his cigarette.  
  
I got up. "You sit down while I pace."  
"Okay," he answered as I walked around the room.  
"I know I can't make everyone happy, but I've got three things weighing on my mind: Ryuichi's voice, my future, and father's wishes. These three things are important to me and so I can't really prioritize them at the moment." I leaned on the wall while holding my chin in deep thought.  
I then turned to aniki as I seriously said, "How about if I adopt a child?"  
"Tatsuha, you're only eighteen years old. How are you going to manage a kid? And Ryuichi's probably going to take you back to LA. He won't stay here forever. What will happen to the shrine even if you do that?"  
"But this is the most plausible solution, Aniki." I pushed from myself from the wall and paced back and forth again. "Father gets an heir. I will be able to be with Ryuichi. That's all I want."  
  
I sighed. "Why do the these two things have to clash to this point? It's tearing me apart. I don't know what I'm doing anymore."  
  
"Don't give up." He got up as he walked over to me. "We'll all think of something. The only thing you have to do right now is keep out of trouble. I don't know what father is planning, but we both know he's going to do something while he still can."  
"He means well, I know…" I sighed again.  
"But, at the same time you keep your guard up, you've got to get Ryuichi's voice back."  
I facefaulted. "Everyone's nagging me about this."  
"If Tou-chan does his 'zero mode' again by 1/8th again, I'm going to get you, Tatsuha."  
My face became grim. "He told you too, huh?"  
"He is a scary man when he wants something." My brother cleared his throat. "And you've worried him because of Mika, Ryuichi, and me. This isn't good."  
I blinked. "Even you fear him, Aniki?"  
He blinked his eyes at me. "I've SEEN him in Zero mode by ½ already. And that's with _me_. I don't want anyone _else_ to experience that. It's not going to be pretty."  
"Oh…okay."  
  
Scary…  
  
We went outside to find Shuichi and Ryuichi looking through photo albums and laughing together.  
Yuki aniki and I both blushed.   
"I recognize those albums!" I said as I pointed at the stack.  
"Geh!" Yuki aniki grabbed one while I took the other. "Shuichi why'd you bring these out?!"  
"We were bored. Besides, Ryuichi wanted to look at Tatsuha when he was little."  
"You've looked at these a million times!"   
He became a chibi and pawed at Yuki aniki. "But a chibi Yuukiii is so cuuute!"  
He let out another sigh. "You're impossible."  
"But you love me."  
"Which is why I got another apartment." He sat down next to Shuichi. "I give up."  
I laughed. "This conversation sounds so familiar."  
Shuichi crossed his arms as he put an album in their laps. "You get spoiled like there's no tomorrow, Tatsuha-kun!"  
I blinked as I looked to the ceiling. Ryuichi put an album in front of me and pointed at my pictures as Kumagorou sat on the other side of him. We continued to look at pictures until Ryuichi pointed to a little girl who stood next to me while I posed to the camera when I first entered kindergarten.  
"That was my best friend, Tsuki. She was really weird, but she was a Nittle Grasper fan." I then smiled as I thought of something, but I shut up.  
  
Ryuichi took out a picture and gave one to me. "This was when I was three…"  
  
It was Ryuichi holding his hands out towards the camera with a smile on his face.  
  
I looked at him and blinked to say, "This is SO ADORABLE!!!"  
  
"Keep it," he said as he pushed into my lap.  
  
I lifted it up and said, "Thank you."  
  
Shuichi then came next to us and commented to say, "That's cute!"  
Yuki aniki tilted his head. "Looks like Shuichi."  
They went back to start going through another album.  
"But this is the only time you'll tell me stories Yuki!" he whined.   
"Okay, okay. And then…" he explained.  
  
Then, I put it in my wallet.  
  
A picture of Ryuichi at three!!!  
* melt, melt *  
  
  
We flipped through the rest of the album, but Ryuichi pointed at another one.   
"Oh, that's days before I accidentally barged into your room." I laughed. "I'm so dorky in my school uniform. It's kind of embarrassing."  
I stared at my twelve-year-old self as I held a sign that said, "My goal in life is to meet Ryuichi Sakuma someday!!!"  
"Dad was so pissed off!" Yuki aniki started to say. "It didn't help that I took the damn picture."  
"Hoshii." Ryuichi mumbled with possessiveness over the picture like a little kid.  
"You want to keep it?" I asked. "Why?"  
He nodded readily without answering me. I then took the picture out of the sleeve and gave it too him as he smiled happily while taking out his wallet.  
  
He then took my hand to write on my palm: "Boku wa ano hito wo sagashite ita kara."  
  
Slowly, I whispered to myself,   
"Because…I…was…looking…for…this…person."  
  
  
To be continued.  
--  
Author's note: Yea!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know what the hell to do now!!!!!!! Aw, I love you plot bunnies.  
And to those wondering, well, I just write. I don't know what I write until I just go with the flow and type whatever comes to my head. If I don't like it, I'll revise it. But usually, I'm satisfied with what I got, so I just take the chance and send it in to the Ml's.   
But again and again, I love you guys! Thank you so much for your support!!! It's encouraging to the point that I've not gotten writer's block for this fic because you guys keep on telling me 'keep going even if it's long' because sometimes when you write long fics, people don't like them anymore. ;_; I don't want that to happen. 


	14. Chapter 13 Trapped within my heart

Disclaimer: Gravitation is by Maki Murakami-sama.  
  
Aching Desire  
(Nagareboshi 3)  
by Miyamoto Yui  
  
  
Chapter 13 - Trapped within my heart.  
  
  
That same night, after visiting Aniki and Shuichi, Ryuichi nor I could go to sleep. I was in bed pondering on the advice my brother had given me, so I couldn't even fall asleep.  
Every time I thought I was almost there, worries started up in my stomach and I got frustrated to the point that I just got of the bed.  
  
I knew what my boy was doing, though.  
When he was stressed, he sang.  
  
When he couldn't do that, he wrote songs.  
  
So, it wasn't so surprising to see find my Ryuichi sitting cross-legged on the couch and tapping the eraser of his pencil on his knee. Then, he would bite on the eraser cutely, but in frustrated concentration.  
  
* write, write *  
  
I then sneaked up on him and wrapped my arms around his shoulders as I read what he was writing on his song notepad, the only one reserved for song writing:  
  
"When you're caught in between  
Desire and Pain  
Tell me where's the difference  
If I experience both   
At the same time.  
  
Aching...Desire...  
Sinking beyond what I want  
I'd do anything for you.  
I'd sell my soul  
If I can keep you  
All to myself.  
(All to myself)  
  
You tell me that love's a path  
Where everyone treads,  
But how come you can't tell me  
The destination?  
In my mind  
I shattered into pieces  
And bleed on your feet  
While you walked all over my heart  
With a smile..."  
  
"It's not finished yet," he pouted as he sighed.  
"What's wrong?" I asked. "What do you want to do with it?"  
He patted his throat. "Utaenai."  
I sighed. "It's because you can't sing along with it..."  
He patted my cheek. "Don't worry too much."  
I smiled back though he knew that I was still depressed over stressing him out.   
"Give me a title for it, Tatsuha?"   
"AH!" I shouted as he threw his pad to one side and pulled me to his lap. He hugged me and asked, "So, what do you think I should call this song we're making?"  
I looked at the lyrics again.  
"Hmm..." I looked at him and seriously said, "Aching Desire..."  
Ryuichi poked me on the forehead with a smile. "Thank you!"  
  
I sighed again as I snuggled there on his warm lap. "Ryuichi? Can I ask you a serious question?"  
He nodded at me. "What's up?"  
"I want to have a kid."  
His eyes opened and looked at him and at me.  
I hit him on the head playfully. "Don't get confused! What I meant was how about if we adopt?"  
He thought about it for a moment.  
"Wait...actually..." I put my finger on his lips. "Before you answer this, I want to propose something."  
Ryuichi nodded his head slowly in apprehension. He then threw Kumagorou at my head. "Stop being nervous! You know you can ask me anything!"  
"I know, but this is going to be kind of different..." I looked around as I closed my eyes. "I don't know how to put this, Ryuichi."  
He started to pat my back to comfort me.   
I smiled softly. "If...if we could have a child, my father would have an heir and I could stay with you."  
I then got up unable to handle the tension though I loved the comfort of being in his arms. This wasn't the time for it.  
I paced about the room and Ryuichi began to sweatdrop.  
"We have to find Tsuki, Ryuichi," I seriously said. "If you let me..."  
  
I stopped to look at him deeply in the eyes to finally let out my weird suggestion. "I will have a child with her. I haven't yet asked her this of course, but if I know her, she'll agree to this weird arrangement."  
  
Ryuichi got up in protest as he held my shoulders, "I know you've thought this out and I appreciate it...but I am _NOT_ sharing you with anyone else."  
  
"This is the only way I can think of," my tone was in desparation as I looked from side to side in confusion. "I'm at my last card."  
  
"It won't make me happy, Tatsuha," he honestly said as he turned his back to me.  
  
I then grabbed him from behind and pinned my forehead gently on his back. "I'm sorry, Ryuichi. Don't be upset with me."  
I slipped a bit while still wrapping my arms around him. "Please...please understand."  
He slumped onto the couch as I continued to hold him almost in tears.   
  
I don't know what to do...  
I'm trying anything I can think of because I'm so desparate...  
  
I want to make you happy like you have made me...  
I understand now how much you want to keep me...  
But...  
* sigh *  
  
He looked at me as he held my face. "I...I cannot share you with anyone...Please understand this much."  
  
We're running out of time, Ryuichi...  
If I tell you why, you'll worry more about me...  
  
In frustration, I got up in anger. "Either way I pick, I'm screwed. You're not happy or my father isn't happy."  
I shouted, "And the only thing that makes me happy is just being with you! Sappy as it sounds, that's all I want!"  
  
"It's so simple in a stupid book. A boy and girl meet. They fall in love. They get married." I looked at him trying to express the pressure I was in. "But it's not so simple in real life. You fall for a super famous rockstar and you're monk. You're both male with a fifteen year difference. And to top it all off, you throw in a father who opposes just the concept of them being together."  
  
"I know life isn't fair..." I backed away as I felt myself almost crying. My body began to ache, especially my heart. "Why...why is it so hard to ask?!"  
  
Ryuichi looked at me distantly as I stared back at him.  
  
I then tilted my head as I began to wipe my tears with the back of my hand. "No one wants to share me with anyone, and I'm trying to understand what you all want from me..."  
I shook my head, "But what do I keep, Ryuichi? What do I keep if everyone keeps on wanting a piece of my mind or my mind or my soul?"  
  
  
"I don't know what to do anymore. Please tell me what I'm supposed to do..." I held his face as I kissed him on the mouth with all my heart, as burdened and heavy as it felt at that moment. "I love you so much I've given everything I have, Ryuichi. I don't know what else to give."   
  
I walked to the door as I turned the knob. "I need to breathe."  
  
  
Click.  
The door closed behind me as I walked quickly away.  
  
  
I feel so trapped...  
And I feel like I'm slowly dying.  
  
If I can't have you Ryuichi...  
I'd...  
I...  
  
...  
  
  
To be continued...  
  
--  
Author's note: I was currently listening to Predilection as I did this chapter so thank you so much to Yama and Katka for helping me find the song, so this chapter's dedicated to you! ^_^  
I'm feeling very depressed right now so I won't get to update too often this week. Please be patient with me because I have to get my life in order. That's why I think Kappei's song came at opportune time. It seems confusing and that's what I am right now. But he always makes me feel better whenever I hear him. (Not to mention the fact that I've listened to him for over 6 years and tempted to do these lyrics by ear...@_@)  
So, thank you so much for the feedback. You can't imagine how happy I am to hear so many people not only liking the fic, not only getting into it, but for the encouragement.  
Thank you very much!!!  
  
Again, I'm just warning you again that this will take a long time to finish at the rate I'm going. ;_; But I hope you're enjoying it though!!! Hope you liked this really heart-wrenching chapter too! ;_;  
And I felt my heart cringe as I did this chapter... 


	15. Chapter 14 Omae o korosu I'll kill you

Disclaimer: Gravitation is by Maki Murakami-sensei. Lyrics to Aching Desire are mine as well as Tsuki the character.  
  
Aching Desire  
(Nagareboshi 3)  
by Miyamoto Yui  
  
Chapter 14 - Omae wo korosu. (I'll kill you.)  
  
As I went down the elevator, Ryuichi's new melody was playing inside of my head. And then, I was more inspired to write more lyrics for Ryuichi to add on later to this song. It just came out of nowhere, but I thought 'Aching Desire' couldn't be complete with a whispered, yet echoed parts of seduction done by my one and only:  
  
"Tell me baby, do you love me?  
Tell me baby, do you want me?  
Tell me lies  
Tell me the truth,  
I don't care  
what you do  
as long as you're mine.  
  
Aching Desire.  
I lust for your touch,  
I sell you my soul.  
We've made a fair trade.  
Let me get deeper into you...  
  
Do whatever you want to me,  
I'll take anything...  
Because I don't care  
What hell you want to do  
As long as you're mine.."  
  
  
"Seems like you've heard the new track, haven't you, Tatsuha-kun?" a voice behind me said as I walked out of the hotel's entrance.  
I smiled as I stopped next to him. "Ah...Touma-san. You always know where to be, don't you?"  
"But of course. That's part of the Seguchi charm, don't you think?" He gestured his hand for me to go on walking. "Walk with me Tatsuha-kun. I think we both need it."   
I nodded my head as I put my hands into my jean pockets. "Ryuichi sent you here, didn't he?"  
"Yes, but I didn't expect you to be coming out when I came."  
We walked on and turned around a random corner.  
"What are you taking a walk at twelve o'clock in the morning?"  
"Why did Ryuichi call you here?" I countered still looking in front of me.  
"I asked first. You answer." Touma-san said as he folded his gloved hands.  
"We had a disagreement."  
Touma sighed. "I hope this was not like the time when Kumagorou-"  
I shook my head. "No, this was our first major fight."  
"Oh..." he nodded understanding me completely.  
"I said I should go have a child," I blurted like the stupid eighteen-year-old I was.  
"Tatsuha? Stop for a moment." He held his hand out in front of me.  
I stopped.  
  
WHACK!  
  
"OW!" I shouted as I patted the back of my head. "Hey that hurt!"  
"It was supposed to." Touma took my collar and looked at me with his blue eyes that never lied. "You IDIOT."  
"I was just giving suggestions! I'm desparate, Touma-san! I'll try anything right now." I pleaded. "I know it wasn't the best, but I can't think of anything else."  
"NEVER _EVER_ under ANY circumstances repeat that suggestion again," his tone became harsh and crisp like the cold air around us.  
  
But I felt the hands that were holding me were like ice...  
Like that of a machine gone mad...  
  
"I've been Ryuichi's best friend since high school." He shook me a little as he was pushing my back onto the wall of some random street. He explained, "Tatsuha, as unbelievable as it is, I'd like to tell you that he was a virgin until he met you when you were only twelve years old. And ever since, he's had an obsession with you, only he didn't know it at the time. But I knew. I knew him too well by then to just ignore it. He tried so hard to not show it to anybody."  
"So don't you EVEN think he'd want to share you with ANYBODY. Ryuichi..." he sighed. "Ryuichi is a passionate person, and you understand this. But when he loves someone, he loves them to the extreme. He won't ever take what he can't have, but he won't give what he wants either. Remember that."  
  
I swallowed all that I could feel of my dry throat as I watched the eyes of Touma disappear while he lowered his head.  
A fear continued to encompass me, but somehow I knew by then it wasn't me he was upset with-  
  
"If you continue to watch us, I'll crush you," Touma threatened to the open air as his hair covered his eyes and I stared at his black hat in front of me in confusion.  
"You never did miss much, Seguchi-san," a voice said, but I couldn't pinpoint the direction since I was already so out of it. "I always liked that."  
  
Tap, tap.  
The person was walking closer and closer towards us.  
  
"Don't patronize me. I hate wasting my time more than anything." Touma let go of my collar as he gradually held my arms lightly to protect me. "What business do you have with us?"  
  
"What will you do, Seguchi-san?" the voice teased. "Still bear a grudge against me? Because of...Yuki Eiri-san?"  
  
The grip on me became shaky with silent anger at the mention of my brother's name.  
He didn't feel cold, he had become an icy fire that would burn anyone around him.  
  
A chill ran down my spine as I realized that the true power of Touma Seguchi when you angered a god with your human pettiness...  
  
  
"I'm warning you, if you come any closer or..." his head rose as his eyes flashed gold for a moment while they turned to one side as he threatened with his most icy tone,   
  
"Omae o korosu."  
  
  
--  
Author's note: All right! We're moving on!   
I didn't expect that people would love the 'possessive' Ryuichi, but I thought that was the way he would react because he was always so extreme that way.  
But, I know I definitely wanted to see a Zero mode Touma...  
  
Well, thank you very much for reading so far! And thanks for the pocky because it's one of my favorite snacks! One of my best friends went with me to buy Chobits today because I couldn't find Gohou Drug 2 with Suki Dakara Suki! 


	16. Chapter 15 you have just now declared y...

Disclaimer: Gravitation is by the awesome Murakami-sensei. ^_^v  
  
Aching Desire  
(Nagareboshi 3)  
by Miyamoto Yui  
  
Chapter 15 – you have just now declared your own death warrant.  
  
"Touma…san…" I trailed off as I stared at his hands clung onto me more to keep from violently charging at the man behind us.  
  
Somehow, we had come to an understanding on when I should leave. I would have to follow Touma's lead on this one.  
  
At that moment, my eyes became slits as Touma kept his back to the man approaching us.  
  
"My, my, Seguchi-san, such a hot temper as always." The man in a black suit laughed as he brought a cigarette to his mouth and puffed it. "Are you going to _kill_ me too because I hurt Yuki Eiri?"  
  
He shook his head with a disgusted attitude.  
I held onto Touma's arms to keep him from becoming too angered by the mysterious guy who had followed us all this time apparently.  
  
"You're not going to do the same to Tatsuha-kun, Kawai-san," Touma seethed through his teeth.  
  
"What? Still bitter that I tried to drive you and Yuki Eiri apart?" He tilted his head as his shades reflected my face under the streetlamp.  
  
What…what is this man talking about?!  
  
"I…I don't understand," I whispered to Touma.  
But he kept silent and refused to answer me all the same.  
  
So, I continued to look at Touma in confusion as his bent head still remained staring at the ground and all I glanced at were a mess of blond bangs.  
  
"Tatsuha-kun is just fighting for what's his own happiness!" Touma shouted in a harsh whisper.   
  
Tap, tap, tap.  
The one called Kawai-san stepped closer and closer.  
  
"But you didn't get to keep Eiri-san in the end. Isn't that sad?" He clicked his tongue as he crossed his arms while crunching his cigarette butt on the ground with his heel. "And then you get married to Mika Uesugi-"  
  
"GACK!" Kawai-san gasped as Touma sicked his hand over his throat. He turned his head as he whispered as if a shinigami himself, "STOP IT."  
  
Kawai-san stared at Touma with snake eyes almost still toying with his emotions from his expressions and smirk.  
  
"Hit a nerve, didn't I?" he struggled to say as he gasped for more air. "I wanted to see how far I could go til you cracked…again. Hahaha. You've gotten a little better. That's why I called you Seguchi-san and not –kun."  
  
"I'm not the little boy you always thought I was. And I don't regret killing that disgusting Yuki you loved so well." His grasp became a little tighter as his knuckles became white while his body shook violently in an aura of red. "You always underestimated me, Kawai-san. Don't make me laugh with the weakness you call strength."  
  
"Years ago, I was just told to bring Yuki back…without you." he replied with determination. "I'm just fulfilling my duty to Uesugi-sama."  
  
My eyes opened wide with shock.  
  
"And I'm fulfilling mine to both his sons," Touma replied just as quickly.   
  
"Your desires plague your vision, Seguchi-san. That was always your one and only flaw."  
  
Ignoring this statement, Touma continued,"If you come back for Tatsuha, I won't just kill you with my bare hands, I'll torture you and make it seem like you committed suicide."  
  
He then tightened his grip a little more. "I'm so upset, I could just kill you right here and now."  
  
"Why don't you? Then you won't have to regret it later when I _do_ get him. You know I will…" he laughed as he choked at the same time.  
  
Then, Kawai-san tried to kick Touma as Touma went under his arm and held his twisted wrist in back of Kawai with his other arm over the man's chest. Still keeping his cool, Touma commanded, "Go, Tatsuha! Take Ryuichi and run! I'll find you later!"  
  
I nodded in thanks as I ran back into the hotel as fast as I could.  
  
How will I tell Ryuichi?! Wh-  
  
HIT.  
  
I stumbled to the ground as someone brought me to their car and wrapped my mouth with masking tape. As I stared out the window listlessly, we turned the corner. I found Touma watching me in horror still holding onto Kawai-san. Kawai-san looked directly at me and smiled the grin that only bastard's have when they've completed their dirty mission.  
  
I can't believe someone has outsmarted Touma…  
But he has just signed his own death warrant by doing so…  
  
At that moment, Touma's lips didn't shout my name.   
His lips moved to say, "Ryuichi…"  
  
I closed my eyes at the thought.  
  
I knew something was suspicious when things were a bit quiet…  
I knew I was running out of time with Ryuichi…  
  
  
Touma's words repeated again in my head: "No…You don't have _any_ idea. You may think I'm awful on Zero mode, but he's even worse than me. Even _I_ fear that day."  
  
  
My eyes became focused as my mouth closed slightly, "Ryuichi…"  
  
I wasn't afraid of seeing my father. But of my Ryuichi's reaction…  
  
  
Ryuichi…  
What will you do when you find out I won't be returning to you tonight?  
  
I then shuddered at the thought.  
  
  
To be continued…  
  
--  
Author's note: Well, I just wanted to play around with the idea that because Touma was the one that helped kill the 'original bastard' Yuki, then there had to be some sort of disapproval for associating with him, right? 


	17. Chapter 16 – When jokes aren’t jokes any...

Disclaimer: Gravitation is by Maki Murakami. All song lyrics, unless otherwise specified, are all mine.  
  
Aching Desire  
(Nagareboshi 3)  
by Miyamoto Yui  
  
  
Chapter 16 – When jokes aren't jokes anymore…  
  
"I'm sorry, Tatsuha-san," a voice interrupted my thoughts.  
  
I looked to the ground as I realized again that it was Makoto all along. But I had been so out of it that I didn't realize it was him until now.  
  
He then took out the piece of tape from my mouth as held one hand on the wheel of the car.  
  
I shook my head. "What's the meaning of all this?!" I shouted in anger. "If you don't turn this car around, I'm going to be more scared of seeing Ryuichi Sakuma search…"   
Again, I closed my eyes and shook my head again, but I was still tied up. "No, I meant _hunt_ for me."  
  
"We won't do anything to him, Tatsuha-san," he assured me. "Your father only wants you."  
  
"Seems like everyone just _loves_ me," I sarcastically replied as my eyes became slits while looking out the window.  
  
I sighed as I struggled to get out of the rope, but it was too tightly wrapped around my wrists and I couldn't even see it because it was tied behind me.  
  
At that moment, I blew my bangs away from my face and seethed through my teeth, "I can't believe you're helping that Kawai-bastard or whatever the fuck his name is. You of all people, Makoto-san!!"  
  
He continued to drive in silence.   
  
"He's the best," he just answered.  
  
"The 'best' my ass." Then I looked around and laughed. "Okay, I have to give credit to him for this stupidity. But you didn't have to tie me up, you know. I'm not a criminal."  
  
"You were given a warning to stay away from Ryuichi Sakuma-san and you disobeyed. Your freedom has been reduced because of it," Makoto explained to me.  
  
"I disowned myself from this household! Didn't anybody HEAR me?" I gritted my teeth as I got more and more frustrated. "What part of 'disown' doesn't anyone get?"  
  
"Your blood," Makoto replied readily and with a deadpan look.  
  
Now I know why he and aniki got along so well…  
Figures.  
  
"Can you at least tell me what's going on?"  
  
Makoto then shook his head. "I don't even know what's going to happen."  
  
I sat there in silence with an exhausted expression. I knew Makoto wouldn't lie to me if he did know something like that. He was devoted to his service that way.  
That was one of the things I respected about him in the first place.  
  
"Would you like the radio on, Tatsuha-san?"  
  
I lifted my hand. "Yeah, why not?"  
  
I should have just kept the damn thing off. Why? Because as soon as he turned it on, "Nagareboshi" was playing the part where Ryuichi whispers:  
  
"You don't have to tell me  
The difference  
between love and hate.  
We're destined to always  
be this way,  
apart by FATE."  
  
A part of me was sinking into my chair wanting to just kill myself at that moment. Another part of me just wanted to turn off the radio. But, when desires don't listen to logic, you become a masochist.  
  
The radio played on and I heard my Ryuichi's voice.  
It was very comforting to hear, but at the same time, very worrisome. I then again thought about his reaction to what he would do when Touma would tell him what had happened to me.  
  
I placed my hand over my mouth and rubbed my chin in nervousness.   
  
I don't even want to remember the last time. It got really uncomfortable. And it wasn't even on Zero mode… * sweatdrops *  
  
As I had gone to take a nap in some room, Ryuichi came into Touma's private bar and sat by him. Ryuichi looked around and held onto Kumagorou in his lap.   
  
I had come out of the room and hid behind the corner when I heard his voice while I yawned. I had been there for about an hour already but was very tired so Touma suggested I take a nap.  
  
"Tatsu wa doko desu ka?" he asked Touma.  
  
Whenever he gets impatient to see me, he calls me Tatsu…  
He REALLY wanted to see me that day because I had gotten over a cold recently. And he called everyday to make sure I was all right.  
  
Touma leaned on the bar and swirled his drink with his wrist. "He hasn't come in yet."  
I laughed as I watched them.  
Ryuichi pouted. "Did he say where he was?"  
"Nope."  
Ryuichi's eyes changed a bit to be a little more serious as he sighed aloud. He kicked his feet under his chair like a disappointed little kid.  
  
I was dying while I watching them because it was so adorable! I was laughing with my hands covering my mouth to not be so loud. The bartender winked at me.  
I nodded back at him.  
  
Touma smirked as he took another sip.  
  
"I…I wanted him to come here because I was so excited to see him since I left Tokyo!" Ryuichi said as he and Kumagorou placed their heads on the counter. "It's already 10pm…I'm worried, Touma."  
  
Touma lifted his hand. "Don't worry."  
  
Then, Touma laughed as he said, "You were only gone for a week."  
  
"I know…" Ryuichi then smiled as he lifted his head and stared at the counter.  
  
"How about if Tatsuha-kun's…kidnapped? What do you think, Ryuichi?" Touma teased with his serious poker face.   
  
(Then again…that _was_ pretty evil if Touma was the one that initiated the joke now that I think of it…)  
  
"Don't even joke about things like that," he instantly changed his tone. "I'd kill them after putting them through seven hells and then some."  
  
Touma smiled sincerely. "Such devotion."  
  
He drank again and I knew it was my cue to come out. "Oh, Ryuichi~!"  
  
Ryuichi then turned into a little chibi as he left Kumagorou on the counter and jumped into my arms.   
  
He pouted as he looked up at me."You guys tricked me!"  
  
I laughed as he hit bit my shirt.  
  
But when we left that evening and drove home, Ryuichi leaned his chin on his palm as he seriously looked out the window with a sad look. The wind blew through his hair as he said, ""If someone ever kidnapped you…"   
  
I saw his eyes become angered at just the thought. "A person without a windpipe is useless, right?"  
  
"Awww, Ryuichi." I patted his hair sweetly as I leaned my head on his shoulder in understanding. "Don't worry about that. They were just joking because I was there to hear it all."  
  
He then took my hand and closed his eyes to kiss it while still looking out the window. With nothing to say, he held onto it tightly throughout the trip…  
  
  
To be continued.  
--  
  
Author's note: Okay! * puts hands up in determination * I tried to make this longer so that you and I can both breathe. Damn! What part are we on now?! And I barely got to part 19 of my Tokyo Babylon fic! And I started this and that one at the same time! * thinks * Then again, I knew what to do with my TB one from the start. As for this one, the reason it took a month to update to the first chapter was because the 'prologue' was one I never planned on, as in I didn't know what to do with it at all. I just wanted to see that Tatsuha through Ryuichi out in a dramatic moment, so I wrote it.  
You know what? This chapter was playing clearly in my mind. I could so see Tatsuha doing all these actions.  
* blushes * Again! Thank you so much for supporting the fic and me! * does a little happy dance * It makes me feel a bit better. 


	18. Chapter 17 Uso da The lie

Disclaimer: Gravitation isn't mine. It's Maki Murakami-sensei's.  
  
Please note: I made a mistake in the last fanfic. Someone graciously ^_^ pointed out to me that I didn't put the detail of when Tatsuha's hands were untied. It was supposed to be before Makoto asks if he should put the radio in. Thanks for understanding. Yui is still not very good with details and is still learning. ^^;;;  
  
  
Aching Desire  
(Nagareboshi 3)  
By Miyamoto Yui  
  
Chapter 17 - Uso da. (The lie.)  
  
I continued to look out the window. But as the scenes became more and more familiar as the minutes passed, I became even more anxious than ever. I didn't know what to expect from this at all.  
In all my reveries, I had thought that if I ever got to even just meet Ryuichi again after I had seen him only in a towel, I would runaway with him.   
I smiled to myself at the childishness I had wrapped myself in.   
  
Runaway, Tatsuha?   
  
That's very funny.  
  
And even furthermore, I thought about the times if we did stay in Japan, what would happen? Even my fantasies and all my plots couldn't help me there. I was always stuck after thinking, "What would my father do without me?"  
  
But two years ago, I did reach Ryuichi. I was able to touch him though I had thought that a nagareboshi wasn't able to be touched. Also, in the process of being able to touch him, I had been burned.  
We both changed each other when I ran to catch his waist so that he wouldn't fall off the railing. I thought that I done the right thing, but said the wrong thing.  
  
I almost regretted saying something so honest of an answer.  
And yet, I found out, my honesty was one of the characteristics that Ryuichi had learned to love about me in the first place…  
  
So, no matter what I planned inside of my head, everything became blank to me.  
  
In my mind, only one thing remained in silence whenever I had looked at my decorated room. As I watched the continuous videos that I could just replay vividly in my mind by then, I knew that no matter what I would do, the result would always be the same:  
  
I loved Ryuichi.  
  
  
No matter how far away he seemed to be from me…  
  
No matter how far I wanted to push him away from me, we were linked in some way…  
  
  
Whether that was something good or bad, I didn't know. It was something already in my blood and kept me going.  
When I got depressed, I listened to his darker songs. When I felt happy, I listened to the lighter ones. When I was confused, there were those in between songs that were bittersweet: happy nor sad, and yet being both at the same time.  
  
"We're here," Makoto had said as he turned into our driveway.  
  
Makoto…  
I've known you since I was little and I'm even closer to you than to Minoru.  
We were only ten years apart, and yet we were good friends throughout my life. He was my bodyguard when I was young. He took care of me just as well as Yuki aniki.  
  
So, I couldn't be mad at him for bringing me here. If it had been anyone else, I would have not been so cooperative.  
Still, the fact remained that like before, he was returning me home.  
  
A home I had disowned…  
  
As I got out of the car, Makoto stood in back of me to watch my every move as I walked towards the room of my father.  
When I opened the door, my father was sitting up. "Tatsuha…"  
  
I stayed dormant at the threshold of his bedroom. I didn't say anything. I was too mad, upset, and nervous to answer anything. I didn't want to disrespect him either. So, I kept my silence as my trump card at the moment.  
  
"No matter what you do, Tatsuha," he coughed. "You cannot escape your future."  
  
"I thought people were supposed to choose what they wanted. I chose what I wanted, Father," I replied. "I have no business being here anymore."  
  
"Be quiet Tatsuha. Listen to me!" he coughed again as he grabbed his chest. One of the attendants came to his aid, and my father began to turn his whole body towards my direction.  
  
"We're leaving now," he announced.  
  
I looked from side. "What are you talking about?"  
  
"You're not going to throw your future away because of some idol you're infatuated with." His eyes hardened as they pierced through the heart of me.   
  
INFATUATION?!?!  
I looked back at him with even more irritation in my eyes.  
  
  
He continued, "He'll leave you someday, Tatsuha. You've got to understand that. That's how they are. You're just a toy."  
  
"Ryuichi would never do that to me!" I shouted as Makoto held my arm as I began to shake violently in fury.  
  
"You'll thank me later, Tatsuha. I know what is best for you," he said with a sad smile.  
  
"Bring me back to Ryuichi this instant!" I shouted as I realized that there would be no more talking to my father.  
  
My father got up from his bed.  
  
I struggled to break free as Makoto kept his grip on me with even more force. At that moment, I turned around and he punched me two times in the stomach.  
  
I looked up to his blue eyes as he watched my hurt ones. I whispered as I fell, "You knew, Makoto. How…How could you lie to me?"  
  
He looked away as he held his arms out for me.  
  
Thud.  
  
  
To be continued…  
--  
Author's note: This is now a critical part in the story. I'm stuck. * sighs * I don't know whether to proceed with what I originally planned or to do another thing that seems also interesting. Well, whatever I do, I hope that I won't cause fangirls to be mad at me. * blinks *  
Oh, and thanks for the ryu x tatsu plushies! They're giving me inspiration. ^_^ 


	19. Chapter 18 Missing

Disclaimer: Yui doesn't own Gravitation.  
  
Aching Desire  
(Nagareboshi 3)  
by Miyamoto Yui  
  
  
Chapter 18 – Missing.  
  
"Ryuichi!" I shouted in relief as I laughed until I cried while I died into his warm arms. He smiled softly as he looked down at me and kissed my forehead.  
"Where were you?" He had asked me while running his fingers through my hair.  
"Touma-san said you were coming back early so I came rushing to Tokyo." I huffed and puffed as I shook my head.  
  
There was something wrong with this whole situation though. I just couldn't pinpoint what it was.  
But I know this has happened…  
  
His eyes could never lie to me. Ryuichi would never lie to me-  
  
"Tatsu…" his voice trailed off as my eyes opened to a changed tone saying, "I'll never forgive you."  
I looked up to his face as my hands continued to tremble and grab his jacket.  
  
"If I can't have you, Tatsuha. I'll give up everything," he said as he shook his head with a confused expression.   
  
He pushed me away as I fell to the ground and scraped my elbows in the process. I was so shocked, the only thing I could say was, "Ryuichi…?"  
  
"Goodbye, Tatsuha."  
  
I stopped breathing as the scene turned into the balcony of his beach house. And I watched him get on the ledge and turn around to smile at me. I couldn't move and my voice had been muted.  
  
So, all I could do was watch that serene smile in which its coldness chilled my bones.  
  
"Predilection…" his mouth moved as his eyes closed slowly.  
  
And he jumped into the ocean.  
  
"RYUUUUUUUUUUUIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCCCHHHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!"  
  
  
"Tatsuha-san? Tatsuha-san?" a voice said.  
"Ryu?" My eyes blinked as tears fell to the sides but I couldn't make out anything. "Ryu? Where is Ryu?"  
  
I only called him that when I felt like a lost little kid…  
As I was feeling that at that very moment…  
  
"I'm sorry, Tatsuha-san," Makoto's voice answered from the front of the car.   
  
I sighed as my head shot up from the car seat. I looked around and was happy nothing had happened to Ryuichi.  
Yet.  
  
Knowing him, he'd be looking for me this very minute. I was just more scared at what he'd do to get me back than where I was being driven to at the moment.  
  
"Where are you taking me, Makoto-san?" I harshly asked as I eyed him through the rear-view window. Bitterly, I wanted to spit into it because I didn't even want to talk to him.  
  
But, I needed a hint.  
Any hint.  
  
Silence.  
  
"You owe me one, Makoto-san. From that time. You actually owe me twice as much." I lowered my eyes. "I'm not the only one who is going through this."  
  
His eyes averted themselves from the mirror as he said, "That girl's home."  
"What girl's home?" I asked incredulously.   
"The one you used to be friend's with."  
"I had lots of girls who wanted to be my friends." I laughed. My eyes blinked as I also answered, "Boys too. And all for the wrong reasons."  
"No, _that_ girl. The Nittle Grasper fan. The one whose pigtails we always pulled and she'd get upset about it."  
"Tsuki?!" I shouted.  
He nodded. "I couldn't tell you in the other car because it was being monitored."  
"And what about this one."  
He smiled to himself as he patted the leather seat next to him. "My custom, baby."  
  
I started to laugh as an overwhelming sense of relief fell over me. "Ah, Makoto-san…"  
  
"Thought I would betray a kid that I treat like my little brother," he laughed as he smirked through the rear view window. "You've got a lot to learn about the world, Tatsuha-san."  
  
I sighed in relief as I hit his shoulder lightly. "God…I thought my father really had you on his side."  
  
There's still a chance…  
I still have a chance…  
  
He rolled his eyes as he handed me a cel phone. While looking at the road, he said, "Don't look too obvious. Since we're being followed by your father, I can't drive you back. But what you can do is page Seguchi Touma-san. He's been calling my cel, but I can't exactly call him back."  
  
I looked at the cel phone before me. "You have one message," I said.  
  
"Open it. It's Seguchi's."  
  
I put the volume up and it was as if everything became silent at that moment as his icy voice said, "Hello Makoto-san, it's me. I'm relieved that Tatsuha's with you and not the bastard." Straight to the point and concise as ever he continued, "You owe me and I'm asking you a favor right _now_. I don't care what you do, but you must get Tatsuha back here as soon a possible."  
  
There was a silence.  
  
Makoto then sighed as he turned the street corner saying, "We're almost there."  
  
Touma's voice became very scary as if were going to kill everything in his path as he said,   
  
  
"Ryuichi is missing."  
  
  
To be continued.  
  
--  
Author's note: Sorry this is very very long, but I hope you will be patient with me even if this will take some time to finish with many chapters to go. * smiles *  
It's getting almost too dramatic, but I thank you for the support. I know my writing needs a lot of work and I try to be long about it, but I also think that if I write too much, it might turn a reader off. Sometimes that has happened to me and I get distracted. * sighs *  
So again, thank you for your support. I believe I know where I'm going with the fic. I just hope I won't get jumped for going on a ledge on what I'm going to do. 


	20. Chapter 19 Drunk on sorrow

Chapter 19 –  
  
Disclaimer: Gravitation is by Maki Murakami-sensei.  
  
Aching Desire  
(Nagareboshi 3)  
by Miyamoto Yui  
  
  
Chapter 19 – Drunk on sorrow.  
  
  
I held onto the phone as if I wanted to choke it with my two hands. Without discretion, I shouted, "RYUICHI IS MISSING?!"  
  
"Tatsuha-san! Calm down!" Makoto scolded as he continued to drive carefully.   
  
Shaking my head from side to side in panic, I said, "But you told me nothing would be done to Ryuichi, Makoto-san!"  
  
He answered, "No, we did nothing to Ryuichi Sakuma. I promise you. I was the one who protested on your defense on that one. If something happened to Sakuma-san, you would never have cooperated."  
  
"Damn right!" I nodded my head with my arms folded and the cel phone lying on the seat next to me. But I shook my head from side to side, "But you must take me back, Makoto-san! There must be a way."  
  
He kept silent.  
  
My eyes looked to one side with my hands now folded before me in contemplation. I whispered my thoughts aloud, "I'm afraid of what Ryuichi might do."  
  
"And not that your father may be marrying you off?" he asked incredulously as he made another turn.  
  
"I know him more than anyone will ever know." I shook my head while closing my eyes. "He won't think logically when it comes to me."  
  
Makoto then sighed as he said, "We have arrived."  
  
As I opened my car door, I gulped while my father's car parked behind us. I looked around in wonder at the place in which I hadn't stepped into for almost eight years.  
Tsuki had left for LA and I had lost touch with her.  
  
But to no avail, just like before, someone came running into my arms and squeezed me until I couldn't breathe. She even had a better deathlock than my beloved Ryuichi.  
"Tatsuha-kun~!" her voice shouted with excitement.  
  
Then, she pushed my shoulders away from her as she looked at me from head to toe. "You've gotten really tall."  
  
"Geh," I replied. "I haven't seen you since I was ten! Of course I've grown."  
  
She then began to poke my arms and waist forgetting that we weren't in kindergarten anymore and that there were other people with me.   
  
"Hey, where are you poking me, Tsuki-chan?!" I shouted while blushing.  
  
It was just SO like her to be like this.  
That's why we were friends…  
  
I then smiled to myself.  
  
She then bowed in front of my father. "Hello again, Uncle."  
  
He patted her head. "Hello again, Tsuki-chan. Thank you for letting us visit you today. Or, should I call you Miyu-san?"  
  
Tsuki waved her hand while laughing. "No, that's all right Uncle! Tsuki-chan is all right by me."  
  
We then walked into the living room of her mansion. I sat carefully on the couch and she socked me in the arm. "You act like you've never been here," she scolded. "Relax!"  
  
The servants brought tea as she sat next to me. My father sat across us with our bodyguards at the threshold of the room.  
"Still like the green tea I made for you?" she smiled as she took a sip from her cup.  
I nodded. It was just as how I remembered. Only, she didn't have all these stains on her face, fingers, or clothes as she had back then.  
  
My father sipped his tea and placed the cup down onto the table. Looking directly at Tsuki, he folded his fingers together. "I'm going to leave it to you, Tsuki-chan."  
  
I almost wanted to fall of the damn seat as my hand trembled.  
Somehow, that seemed more dangerous than it had sounded.  
  
Outside, the chime made a 'sprinkling' sound as I blinked my eyes.  
  
Tsuki just nodded her head knowingly.  
  
My father then coughed as he got up. Looking at me, he said, "Tatsuha, I will see you tomorrow."  
  
My eyes opened wide as my eyebrows almost touched. "Huh?"  
  
"I'm leaving him to your care Tsuki-chan." He then bowed his head towards her and ignored my confused expression.   
  
"If you make any trouble Tatsuha, I won't forgive you this time."   
  
I looked at his back as he left in silence. When the doors closed behind him, I looked at Tsuki, who patted my back as she smiled at me.  
Then, she sighed in relief and grabbed my shoulders, "What is going on here, Tatsuha?"  
  
I shrugged my shoulders.  
  
"I come from LA. I've been here for a week and then your father calls me out of the blue with a weird request." She tilted her head. "I have to find you a bride. To put it bluntly."  
  
"WHAT?!" I shouted.  
  
"But, I'm confused." She then opened a drawer next to the couch and placed various articles in front of me. "It says you're with Ryuichi Sakuma from Nittle Grasper."  
  
"Yes, I am," I nodded.  
  
"Then…" she looked at the pictures before her. "what happens to Ryuichi if you get married?"  
  
"I'm not." I sighed. "I disowned myself from the household I chose Ryuichi over everything else."  
  
She then glomped me. "Tatsuha! You fulfilled your goal in life! Well, one of them."  
  
I laughed. "Yeah, I met Ryuichi after all."  
  
She sniffed. "And the last letter you gave me was when you saw him in only a towel."  
Tsuki snapped her fingers together. "I wish I was there!"  
  
I blinked at her.  
  
She then patted my back seriously. "I missed you, Tatsuha…"  
  
I hugged her back. "Me too."  
  
"Let's go out," she laughed as she pulled on my sleeve.   
  
"And you're just going to ignore what my father asked you to do? To find me a girl?" I lifted an eyebrow.  
  
She nodded readily and shook her head while saying with a matter of fact tone, "Why want a girl when you've got the _god_?"  
  
I blinked at her. "You still have a crush on Ryuichi Sakuma, don't you?"  
  
Tsuki nodded hastily. "Remember! I told you the only one I'd ever share my obsession with was you Tatsuha."  
  
She then smiled at me. "Because I love you."  
  
Getting up from the couch, she then said, "After all these years, I still regard you as my best friend."  
  
I felt warm inside as she said that and so I smiled. "Me too."  
  
  
So, that day, we spent the day together trying to catch up on everything we had missed from the other's life. She told me how she studied design in LA, but was translating books on the side while. I told her about everything from the time she left until the time I had seen her again.  
It took a whole day. ^^;;;  
  
But, in the end, we ended up on some random street in Kyoto with a little cart not too far from a park.  
And we drank and drank to our sorrows. And soon, we lost our minds gradually. I started to complain and laugh at the same time as Tsuki began laughing as if she wanted to escape something she couldn't.  
  
When we came back to her lonely mansion, I fell onto the carpeted floor as she entered behind me while closing the door. We were both laughing on the ground.  
  
Then, as my head began to hurt at that moment, I looked away from her as I reached out for some apparition before me. My eyes were playing tricks on me with the light before me. An illusion appeared in front of me as tears began to fill my eyes.  
  
I then said what had been really bothering me all day,  
"Ryuichi…"  
  
  
Tsuki then patted my head. "Oh, Tatsuha…"  
  
  
"Boku no Ryuichi…doko da yo?!"  
  
  
to be continued.  
  
--  
Author's note: Sorry for the long update. I guess I was more scared at how I would piece all this together.   
It's hard to think when for the first time you realize, there are people watching out for what you do. And…they're actually enjoying it? Well, as my confidence goes up a bit, I'm very happy to know that I am able to make people laugh, smile, cry, or [fill in emotion]. I never thought I could do that with what I wrote. I just thought, 'I just want them to think.' About what? Just life. Not like anyone hasn't done that yet, but still, I wanted to affect you the reader.  
One reader reviewed saying something like this fic had 'beautiful angst, yet warm to the heart'. I thought about that ever since it was posted. And I realize now that that person taught me a lot. I never thought of angst as beautiful before. I always thought it was something to learn from, but cold. Not warm at all. And I realize now that I must learn to find a balance between sadness and happiness. 'Empty angst'…it is sadness without a purpose.  
So, that's why I enjoy making this fic. Angst can be beautiful ne? I don't know if I'm worthy enough of a writer to say that, but thanks for reading so far.   
  
Mansions in Japan are different than the ones in the US. They are bigger than apartments, but not too much bigger.  
Because I couldn't find another word for it, I'm using the word 'mansion' as a large house as it would mean in the US.  
Boku no ryuichi – my ryuichi  
Doko da yo?! – where is [he]?! 


	21. Chapter 20 I can’t go back to you anymo...

Disclaimer: Yui doesn't own Gravi.  
  
Aching Desire  
(Nagareboshi 3)  
by Miyamoto Yui  
  
  
Chapter 20 – I can't go back to you anymore, Ryuichi…  
  
  
Ring, ring…  
Ring, ring…  
  
"Mm…" I complained as I held my head between my two hands.   
  
I couldn't tell where the phone was ringing from.   
  
"Owww…" I softly whispered in pain as I began to crunch into a little ball. "Why do I feel so terrible?"  
  
"H-hello?" a girl's voice said as the phone's incessant ringing came to stop. "This is she."  
  
I blinked my eyes as I felt like my head being swayed from side to side even though my body was perfectly still.   
  
"You're picking up who?"  
  
My eyes blinked more as my blurred vision began to focus on the voice of the girl in front of me.  
  
"Uesugi Tatsuha?" she asked as she yawned and apologized to the phone. "I'm sorry, but I'm a little disoriented right now and nothing's making sense."  
  
As my eyes focused more, I squinted to find a bare back in front of me. "Why is she…"  
  
I then opened my eyes widely in shock as I took the comforter between my shaking hands. I felt so nauseous that I couldn't even do that simple task.  
  
I stared at myself.  
  
My naked self.  
  
  
"Wh-what…oh my god…OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!" I shouted inside of my mind as I jumped out of the bed with some sheets around my waist like a towel.  
  
My heart beat as I shook in panic.  
  
"Wh-what happened?!" Tsuki shouted while still holding the phone as she instantly got off the bed while covering herself with the comforter.   
  
We stared at one another in deep shock.  
  
"Oh my…" her mouth moved as she stared at me while she too realized what had happened.  
  
"I-I'll be right down…" she stuttered as she pressed a button and put down the phone.  
  
Still blinking at one another, she shouted at me, "Tatsuha…that was Seguchi Touma on the phone. And he just made it to the front of my house."  
  
"Wh-what happened last night?!" I stared at her as we both stood there like stones.   
  
Neither of us wanted to answer the horrid question.  
  
I couldn't even breathe. I looked from side to side as I turned my body to face the window and watch Touma getting out of his car.  
  
"Ryuichi…" I started to hyperventilate as I looked at her and myself and then at Touma walking towards the front door below us.  
  
What will I-  
  
Thunk.  
  
"Put on your clothes and come downstairs with me," she calmly said as she just changed right there in front of me. "We don't have any time."  
  
I changed into my clothes as we walked slowly down the stairs to answer the door.   
  
A million things ran through my head and I couldn't catch anything. Nothing was making sense along with the pain I felt as my hands shook nervously.  
  
We…we…  
While I was depressed and looked for Ryuichi…  
  
Tsuki opened the door. "Welcome Seguchi-san."  
  
He bowed his head as he came in with a serious tone. "I'm sorry to bother you, but I've come to pick up Tatsuha-kun."  
  
I asked while looking to the floor in shame, "So, Makoto-san is not going to do it?"  
  
"I have no time to answer these questions. We have to leave before he gets here to really 'pick you up'." He answered as he put his hand on my shoulder. "I have to thank Makoto later for being the decoy."  
  
I shook my head. "I…I can't go back."  
  
"What?!" He took his hat and threw it to the ground. "I'm not going to take this right now, Tatsuha!"  
  
His hands shook violently as he gripped my shoulder a bit more firmly. "Ryuichi has left on his motorcycle to who knows where to find you…"  
  
"And you're telling me you're not coming with me?!" He then punched me as Tsuki held him back. "I've had to deal with Ryuichi's temper before. But it wasn't anything like this and I've lost my patience. He's gone on Zero mode! FOR YOU, TATSUHA!"  
  
"Who knows what the hell he will do…" As his angry aura rose, he bowed his head as his icy tone seethed through his teeth, "I'm not asking you this time, I'M TELLING YOU to come home."  
  
He then took a hold of my shoulder again. I shrugged him off as I still held onto my bloodied cheek. "I can't go back to him now."  
  
Touma then looked at Tsuki. "Please tell me why he can't home."  
  
Tsuki's eyes opened in fear. As she was about to answer, I interceded.  
  
"Ryuichi will not take me back now." I then looked at him directly as I held his shoulders. "He'll never forgive me now…"   
  
I took a deep breath as I shouted with my eyes closed, "We accidentally slept together!"  
  
I opened my eyes at that moment to see Touma's temper rise as I felt like a vein popping. His ice cold hands took a hold of my shirt. He looked at me with the eyes of a maniac angered and close to insanity.  
  
Plop. Bang.  
  
  
I lifted my head to find a helmet dropped to the ground and hit Tsuki's gate.  
As my eyes made their way up to the helmet's owner, I turned pale.  
  
  
Doki.  
  
  
My heart stopped and I couldn't feel anything anymore.  
  
  
It had been too late.  
  
  
I didn't know what to do…  
  
  
All I could do was mumble a single word as my world crumbled under my feet. My eyes instantly welled up as I took a deep breath to say, "Ryuichi…"  
  
  
His stunned eyes stared back at me as his mouth moved slowly to say,   
  
"Tat…su…ha?"  
  
  
to be continued  
--  
Author's note: * sighs * Now that I got this chapter out of the way, I now realize there may be a second part to this series. ^^;;;  
But wah~! I'm already crying…  
I'm just disappointed that I couldn't find another way for this to happen. If I had done it another way, it wouldn't have worked out for there would be no circumstances that Tatsuha would have given in. Especially, considering this is his father, his father wouldn't do something really bad to him because he loves Tatsuha… * sighs *   
This is so hard. I don't know why I do this to myself. But, as I learned from Hibiki-sensei from I, My, Me: If you never let go of yourself, then you'll never learn what's beyond the perspective given to you. 


	22. Chapter 21 we hurt the ones we love the...

Disclaimer: Yui doesn't own Gravi. You belong to me is by Carly Simon, but the inserts are mine.  
  
  
Aching Desire  
(Nagareboshi 3)  
by miyamoto yui  
  
Chapter 21 – we hurt the ones we love the most…  
  
The determined look of intensity and anger instantly left when he mimed my name. And before I knew it, I found myself running after him. He picked up his helmet and walked away from me.  
"Ryuichi! Ryuichi!" I shouted as I opened the heavy gate with my hands as he shook his head and sat on his bike.  
When I opened the gate, he started up the motorcycle.  
  
I ran towards him and as he was about to leave, I caught his jacket sleeve. And he just stopped. Huffing and puffing, I leaned my forehead on his back. "You've got it all wrong, Ryuichi…"  
He turned around and smiled softly at me. Then, his lips moved to say, "Whatever makes you happy, Tatsuha."  
I looked at him unable to speak.   
  
"But tell me one thing…" his lips moved.  
  
Doki doki doki…  
  
It wasn't a question of why…  
It wasn't a question of who did I love more…  
  
He took a hold of my face and leaned towards my ear. Kissing my cheek, I then heard a whispery voice that could barely speak, "What did I do wrong, Tatsuha?"  
  
Ryuichi then let go of me as I stood there with my head tilted as if I had been beaten to a senseless pulp.  
Putting on his helmet, he left me with a nod.  
  
I fell to my knees with a blank expression on my face.  
  
Knowing how Touma was, I knew he was bowing towards Tsuki at that moment as he said, "I will take him back to Tokyo. Thank you for taking care of Tatsuha. I thank you from the both of us. And I'm sorry about my behavior."  
  
I heard Tsuki answer, "No, I understand completely. It's all right. I'm sorry for everything also."  
  
Tap, tap, tap.  
When he walked in front of me, he closed his eyes in frustration as he took my arms to pull me up. I followed him wordlessly as I sat inside his car.  
  
We drove all the way back without exchanging a word.  
  
Getting back to Tokyo, Touma dropped me off in front of my hotel. "I'll be back in 2 hours. Fix up all your stuff because I'm taking you home with me all right?"  
  
I nodded listlessly. I didn't really comprehend anything that was happening. I was just like a walking mannequin. I didn't want to feel anything anymore.  
  
When Ryuichi whispered into my ear, I had turned to stone.  
  
As I jammed the key into the door of the hotel room, I flicked up the light switch to find the room in disorder. I sighed as I walked through mounds of papers, clothing, and such scattered about.   
I couldn't stand the silence of the night. So, I turned on the tv to find commercials on.   
  
I laughed to myself. "I just want noise," I whispered to myself.  
  
Then, I went into the bedroom. I watched the open window and turned on the light. This room was also in disarray.  
My clothes were all over the room and I picked every article up. When I packed everything up quickly, I then fixed up the room.  
  
When I went outside to just fix up before Touma came to pick me up, I then saw two announcers say, "And please give a round of applause to Sakuma Ryuichi-san!"  
  
"Welcome back Sakuma-san! We're glad you're feeling better," the woman said.  
  
He smiled his fabulous smile as if the world had not killed him yet. In fact, he was setting up the mic in front of him.  
  
I shook my head. He can't sing yet.  
He can barely talk.  
  
What are you doing?  
  
Then, I laughed hysterically to myself. Oh, that's right. Touma probably had something to do with this.  
My head shook from side to side. Yes, that's it.  
  
Ryuichi waved his hand and the audience loudly shouted in encouragement.  
  
Then, Ryuichi closed his eyes as he said, "I had wanted to do this song at the concert first, but…" he smiled even more as he continued, "…promise me you'll come right?"  
  
The audience shouted various phrases of support.  
  
But his smile was off.  
It wasn't the smile of my Ryuichi. That wasn't his smile at all.  
  
He had reverted back to the time before he met me…  
Those smiles that used to bother me…  
  
  
"Touma-san, you are a genius," I commented as I blinked my eyes slowly.  
That's a recording. I know Ryu's voice anywhere.  
  
This was pre-recorded! To show that nothing was wrong!  
To hide from the public what was really going on…  
  
Damn, they're good.  
  
Ryuichi then sat on a chair and pulled up an acoustic guitar to his lap. Closing his eyes, he tapped his feet to the beat. Then, he stopped tapping as he began to play and sing…  
  
…and I dropped my things to the floor.  
  
We hurt the ones we love the most…  
We were doing a very good job of it.  
  
His intense eyes came upon the screen as he again closed them tenderly while looking away from the television.  
  
"[Whisper] When passion clashes with logic  
What is left to desire?  
When you love someone to the point of breaking…  
Break me, baby.  
I'm your toy, but please pretend you love me.  
  
Why'd you tell me this?  
Were you looking for my reaction  
What do you need to know?  
Don't you know I'll always be your boy  
You don't have to prove to me you're beautiful to strangers  
I've got loving eyes of my own  
  
You belong to me  
Tell her you were fooling  
You don't even know her  
Tell her that I love you  
  
You belong to me  
Can it be, baby, that you're not sure?  
You belong to me  
Thought we'd closed the book   
Locked the door  
You don't have to prove to me that you're beautiful to strangers  
I've got loving eyes of my own  
And I can tell - I can tell Baby  
Tell her - tell her that I love you  
  
You belong…you belong…you belong to me  
(That's the way I thought it was)  
Tell her you were fooling  
(We no longer know the truth)  
Tell her she don't even know you  
(I know your every move and breath)  
Tell her you were fooling  
(Tell her you love me.)  
I know you from a long time ago, baby  
(I've watched you with my eyes)  
Don't leave me to go to her now  
(I thought nothing could break us)  
You belong to me.  
(I won't accept defeat.)  
  
[whisper] When you said belong  
I meant it was forever, Baby  
But if you don't like my predilection  
Then abuse me.  
But I'll be coming back for more.  
Because…  
  
You belong - you belong - you belong to me  
Tell her you were fooling  
Tell her she don't even know you  
Tell her you were fooling  
I know you from a long time ago, baby  
Don't leave me to go to her now  
You belong to me."  
  
The audience clapped very loudly as the male announcer said, "And that was Sakuma Ryuichi-san's rendition of the song 'You belong to me'."  
  
  
I don't know how I did it, but I just looked around, took my stuff and walked up to the door.  
  
  
"I have cancelled my concert…" he announced.  
  
  
I left the television on unable to turn it off. Like a zombie, I took slow steps towards the door. Without warning and zoning everything out of my mind, I looked up to see Ryuichi coming through the door.  
  
His downcast eyes stared at me like I was a ghost. As I dropped my stuff, I jumped into his arms and wrapped my arms around him. Closing my eyes and crying onto his shirt, I grabbed onto his back.   
I then pushed him lightly away as I grabbed his collar in desparation. "Ryuichi…I love you…"  
As I pulled him towards me, I grabbed the back of his head and pressed my lips to his.  
  
When I let go, he stared at me. Then, he squinted his eyes.  
  
"Get out…" Looking away from me, he harshly said, "Get out of my hotel room, Uesugi-san."  
  
I looked from side to side.  
  
"What are you waiting for?!" his whispery voice tried to shout. Taking my sleeve, he took my stuff and threw my bag out along with my whole body.  
  
"I don't ever want to see you again." As he looked down at me, he sighed with thin lips. Then, he took a hold of collar.   
  
"I've lost my will to sing."  
  
At that, he threw me back down.   
  
"I give up," his mouth tried to say.  
But yet again, he had lost his voice because of me…  
  
  
Click.  
His quiet closing of the door was just as loud as if he had just slammed the damn thing in my face.  
  
  
And I stood up dusting myself as I looked at his door. Then, I touched the door for a brief moment. Nodding my head, I then picked up my stuff. I walked in the opposite direction of the elevators and headed for the stairs.  
  
  
"Please forgive me, Touma-san," I whispered as my voice echoed in the stairway.  
  
  
Sakuma Ryuichi…  
He wants to disappear from the music world…  
  
  
My heart cringed. Then, I stopped going down the stairs as I leaned on the wall not being able to breathe.  
  
"I've lost my Ryu," I whispered breathlessly not being able to cry.  
  
  
  
Everyone always wondered what would happen if I was ever taken away from him.  
No one ever thought about the other way around…  
  
  
  
To be continued.  
  
--  
  
Author's note: Okay guys, I'm just going with the flow. Right now, I'm really really thinking about what's going to happen and how it will all pull off.  
But one thing that really surprised me was that when I thought I'd be clobbered by readers for putting Tatsuha with someone else…well, it was actually quite interesting to you. * smiles *  
And yes, those of you who read my eva fic 'you belong to me', originally, I wanted to use that song for this fic. I thought it would be perfect to see how the song differed in both situations.  
  
As always, thanks for supporting this fic!! * smiles and points at her Chibi * Oh, and blame most of this fic on my inspiration. If it weren't for her telling me, "I read the prologue 9 times", I would have not made more chapters so soon. 


	23. Chapter 22 – Shin for ‘new’ or for ‘shin...

Disclaimer: Gravi is by Murakami-sensei. Clamp is clamp, not mine of course.  
  
Aching Desire  
(Nagareboshi 3)  
by miyamoto yui  
  
  
Chapter 22 – Shin for 'new' or for 'shinji' in 'believe'?  
  
I pushed myself from the wall of the hotel staircase. I then held my head up as I walked down the flight of stairs calmly. When I got out of the hotel, I looked around to make sure Touma wasn't there to pick me up. Fortunately, he wasn't.  
But I had to run quickly from there even though I was in no condition to. I ran in some random direction in between not going to Aniki's or Touma's place.   
  
"Who am I kidding?" I sighed to myself as I slowed down unable to run anymore.  
  
It would be only a matter of days before they would find me…  
  
The only thing I could do was stay at a cheap hotel in the 'not-so-okay' district.   
When I got to my room, I dropped my things onto the carpet and plopped myself on the bed.   
  
What do I do?  
  
What could I possibly do? I didn't know what was worse. Running away or being found later on? And by who?  
I would be in deep trouble with everyone.  
  
No, scratch that. I AM in trouble with everyone.  
  
I pulled on my pockets to reveal only my empty wallet and pieces of lint. "And I need money. If I get anything from the bank, they could find me."  
  
Shit. They'll track me if I do anything with my cards.  
  
I sighed as I held my head between my hands in frustration. "As if my life can't get any worse than it already is."  
  
I slept with Tsuki and Ryuichi was there to hear it without any explanation.  
Touma's unhappy with Ryuichi and myself both personally and business-wise.  
Aniki's probably cursing my stupidity for the umpteenth time for these past few days.  
  
A cold shiver ran through me.  
  
Shuichi…  
My sister…  
  
Ryuichi…he threw me out.  
  
I don't blame you. Damn, I'd throw myself out too.  
This isn't making any sense at all, is it?  
  
"What the hell do I do?!" I got up abruptly as I pulled the curtains open. I just looked at the people on the street walking below.  
  
I can't leave Tokyo. I can't go anywhere…  
I felt like some Clamp character bound to this godforsaken city.  
  
  
The next day, I went out looking for a job. Geez…when you're really desparate, you're really desparate!  
I'm mentally shaking my head as I look around me.  
  
I now know how much of a brat I was at home in Kyoto.   
  
I went to school. I got my three meals. I was an heir to a temple. I had a famous brother who I could crash with. Not to mention his Ryuichi-look alike boyfriend who was also well-known.  
I had a boyfriend that loved me so much that if I ever said, "That person looked at me the wrong way" as a joke, he'd look at them as if he'd kill them. He almost did. ^^;;;;  
  
  
And now what? I've become a bum and a self-proclaimed orphan.  
  
  
I passed by the train station and looked at the advertisements for multiple jobs. Trying not to be too disheartened, I went all over the place.  
But, I found nothing.  
  
After all, I had only graduated high school.  
  
As I left the last prospective employer in tailor's shop, someone called out, "Hey kid!"   
I looked around and pointed to myself. "Are you talking to me?"  
"Maybe I can use you after all."  
I looked at the woman in alarm. "Excuse me?"  
She just pulled me and placed me into a room behind her clothing shop. Then, she threw a pile of black clothes to the floor. "Change into those."  
  
"Hey wait a-"  
  
Close.  
  
I sighed as I picked up the clothes before me. As I changed into the tuxedo, I looked at the mirror before me. "What the hell?"  
  
Knock, knock.  
  
"Can I come in?"  
  
"Okay."  
  
The middle-aged woman came into the room and laughed in delight as she folded her arms. Then, she picked up my chin and tilted her head. "Perfect."  
  
"What are you doing to me?"  
  
"You want a job?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Then shut up. I'm seeing if I can give you one."  
  
I began to feel sick as I frowned inwardly.  
What the hell is she looking at? How about if she uses me as one of those pro-  
  
"I've got an escort service uptown. Instead of working somewhere else in this district, how about working for me?"  
  
She handed me her card.  
  
I gave her a skeptical look. "What kind of escort service?"  
  
"It's like ballroom dancing. You're the paid partner." She patted my back. "Don't worry. You're not sleeping with them or anything. You're just paid companionship, kid."  
  
I eyed her as I threatened to take off the tuxedo.   
  
She shook her head. "It's part of the policy. I'm not into stuff like that."  
  
Then, she patted my back again as she gave me a sincere smile. "Hey, I'm just asking. Just say no if you don't want to."  
  
"I'll take it," I answered.  
  
"What's your name?"  
  
"Uesugi Tatsuha."  
  
"The name's Katsumi. But most people call me Kat-chan." Then, she walked around me again. "And what should we name you?"  
  
"Name me?"  
  
"You need a code name."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Ah!" She hit her fist on her palm and said, "I've got it! Your nickname is Shin."  
  
I nodded my head. "Okay."  
  
Later that night, I signed my contract to her and would start work the next day.  
  
As I put my backpack on and walked home, I looked up the gray sky above me. When I got back to the hotel, I just went to sleep on my bed as I thought,   
  
"Why'd you name Shin?" I had asked as I left Kat-chan. "Just because I'm the new one, you give me that name? Isn't it kind of strange?"  
"No, no!" She wrote out the character for me. "Shin as in 'Shinji.' To believe."  
  
  
"Shinji…" I mumbled as I reached out to the frame I had set on the stand next to the bed.  
Grabbing it weakly into my hands, I closed my eyes as I kissed it tenderly disillusioned enough to believe it was the real thing.  
  
"Good night, Ryuichi," I said as I fell asleep hugging the picture frame.  
  
Things had gone to the way they were before.  
The way I had been after I accidentally barged into your room when I was 12…  
  
  
My tears began to wet my blanket…  
  
  
To be continued.  
  
--  
  
Author's note: Hee hee. Well, I'm glad for the positive reactions I'm getting so far for the fic. ^^v I really thought someone would flame me for tearing Ryu and Tatsuha far apart. ;_; And I can't believe I'm doing this to Ryuichi!!! WAH~!  
I just wanted to say you guys are so cute. * shakes head * I never thought my melodramatic fic would actually be fun. ^^;; Plus, yes, * winks * I am evil. ^^;;; (Thanks for the compliment? That means my fic's getting a reaction?) At least it's not like with Tokyo Babylon where I stopped the multiple times where Sei and Subaru _could_ have gone somewhere…and it didn't happen until part 25.  
But damn! The more I write this, the more I make Tatsuha and Ryuichi more and more possessive over one another. @_@ And you knew I had to make a Clamp reference! 


	24. Chapter 23 – Soba ni iru no…zutto…zutto...

Disclaimer: Yui doesn't own Gravi. 'Ningyo Hime' is from Chobits. Zetsuai is by Minami Ozaki.  
  
Aching Desire  
(Nagareboshi 3)  
by miyamoto yui  
  
  
Chapter 23 – Soba ni iru no…zutto…zutto… (To be near you…for always…for always…)  
  
  
Well, the job wasn't so bad after all. I was just going up to doors of females and giving the compliment flowers and candy.   
So, pretty much, I was a paid date.  
  
It wasn't that awful except for that woman who paid for me two days in a row because she thought I was too adorable to just have one time around. She even outbid the person who was supposed to be my 'date' one evening. I found that funny, but I earned every penny when I had to do ballroom dancing.  
  
Katsumi gave me a crash course on the salsa and the boogie, but I still don't know how I got through that one.  
I had grown quite fond of Katsumi. She was even nice enough to give me 10 percent more than the others since I was so successful. And for only two weeks too!  
  
So, being a paid date wasn't all bad. The women were very decent.  
  
Eh heh heh…if they only knew I was gay. But then again, for only one guy. ^^;;;  
I swear…I'm starting to sound like that idol Aniki loved so much. I think his name was Kouji Nanjo?  
  
Anyway, I knew my time was running out as two weeks passed and someone came up to me as I bowed to my date for the evening. The woman smiled as I let go of her hand with Her payment slipping into my fingers as her chauffeur held out the door for her.  
The blond woman then put down her window as she winked at me. "I'll call you again sometime."  
I just nodded and smiled trying not to show how much I loathed doing this for this particular woman. "Then, see you next time."  
"I left my card with you." Again, she smiled. "Just in case, Shin-san."   
  
As her window went up, I watched her leave the parking lot. When I turned around, I sighed and closed my eyes happy that the ordeal was over.  
"Shin-san…is that what they call you now?" a voice behind me said.  
  
I opened my eyes widely as my back still faced them.  
  
"It's just a code name my employer gave me."  
  
"I never thought you'd sell yourself so easily, Uesugi Tatsuha."  
  
Angrily, I turned around while ripping away the bowtie of my tuxedo. "You know me to be better than that Sakuma Ryuichi!"  
  
"Yes, I had." He just looked at me blankly.  
  
And that hurt a lot.  
He looked through me as if I were a piece of trash.  
  
"If you've nothing better to say, stop wasting my time," I said as I turned around to walk away.  
He then grabbed my shoulder. "You're the one who ran away from me first."  
  
"It was a mistake! You know I would never do that to you!" I took off his hand from my shoulder pretending as if it was the filthiest thing on the planet while closing my eyes…  
  
…how much I realized that I had missed him just touching me…  
…even if he hated me.  
  
"Really?"  
  
It was then that I just shook my head and ran back to my hotel with Ryuichi right on my heels. No matter what shortcuts or alleyways I passed, whenever I looked in back of me, there he was running after me.  
When I made it to my room, I jammed my key into my lock, but he had caught up to me. Ryuichi pushed me lightly into the room as he pressed his back onto the door and locked it behind him.  
  
"I left your hotel room like you asked me too. Please leave mine," I harshly said trying not to make a scene or shout to cause any alarm. "Get out of my room, Ryuichi."  
  
He shook his head. "I looked for you after you left me. I can't leave you now, Tatsuha."  
  
Then, in an insult, he threw money onto the floor. "How much do they pay you?"  
  
"What the hell?!"  
  
Tap…tap…tap…  
He walked closer and closer to me as the yen fell quietly to the carpet.  
  
"How much do I have to pay to get you back?!"  
I shook my head. "I didn't sell my body to anyone, Ryuichi!"  
It was then that he tore my jacket away from me as he held my wrists firmly. "It's all the same to me, Tatsuha. If they can pay to have you for a date, I'll pay to have you all night. Now, tell me how much do I need to pay?!"  
"Ryuichi…" I began to cry as I stared at him in humiliation.  
"This isn't enough, is it?" Ryuichi then gave me a gentle look as he stared directly into my eyes. "What else do you want from me?"  
Shaking my head more, I said, "I…I…"  
  
I became numb again as I laughed and shook him. "Ryuichi! Get a hold of yourself!"  
  
Then, he threw me on the bed and pinned my wrists to each side.  
  
"Tatsuha! Tell me how much I need to pay to get you back!!!"  
  
"But I thought you didn't want me anymore?! You threw me out! You said you never wanted to see me again!" Then I really looked at him. "You won't forgive me for what I've done! I know how you are more than anyone else, Ryuichi!"  
  
At that moment, he whispered to my ear, "Why are you hiding from me, Tatsuha?"  
He began to kiss my neck.  
"Nothing, Ryuichi." I sighed as I closed my eyes not wanting to tell more than I should. "I told you everything I could. You wouldn't listen to me."  
  
Ripping my shirt, he made it seem like it was just a piece of fabric that could be easily bought. His eyes stared down at me as I looked at him.  
Unfastening his belt, he then kissed on my shoulder blades. "Tatsuha…don't you love me anymore?"  
I closed my eyes trying not to cry as I answered, "Of course I do…"  
Sucking on my chest, he then asked, "Tell me how to get you back Tatsuha…"  
"I'm always with you."  
Taking my shoulders and holding them with shaking hands, he said, "Then, why did you do this to me?"  
My eyes looked away. "I had no choice. Either I die on the street or do this. Pick what you would have wanted me to do."  
  
"You're mine…"  
"I know." I nodded my head. "Then show me you forgive me, Ryuichi..."  
  
But it's too late, Ryuichi…  
You won't forgive me if I told you now...  
  
He then unbuttoned my pants with his tongue as he pulled the zipper with his teeth.  
  
It was then that I began to look at one side.   
"That woman…she tried to sleep with me."  
  
"I could tell."  
  
I looked away. "She tried to corner me in her room."  
  
"She did WHAT?"  
  
It was then that I took off Ryuichi's shirt as I held his waist while I looked up at him. He eyed me as he began to violently kiss me all over the place while angrily saying, "These are my lips. This is my throat…this heart is mine…"  
  
Until morning, there was nothing but the sounds that only lovers make as he 'forgave me' and got so much more jealous at the prospect of anyone else trying to even touch me…  
  
  
I then laid my head on the pillow as Ryuichi let go of his grip on my hips and fell on the bed tiredly. I laughed as I held onto his stomach just being happy that he was next to me.  
  
Just hearing him breathe was peaceful to me…  
  
  
But as soon as he fell asleep, I looked at the window. Even if the curtains were closed, I looked at my god Ryuichi.  
The one that was giving up everything for me.  
  
"I can't even forgive myself," I whispered as I got up making sure I didn't wake him up.  
  
Packing all my things, I sighed.  
  
  
He turned over and I stopped making noise around the room while fixing it.  
  
Then, I heard him breathe heavily and I knew he was sleeping again. Zipping up my bag, I then wrote a note and left it on the stand. Taking the photo frame into my hands, my fingers began to shake as I stuffed that into my bag.   
After rezipping it, I brushed his hair away from his forehead and kissed him with my eyes closed.  
  
"You won't forgive me, Ryuichi." I took my bag and put the strap on my shoulder. "I love you too much to hurt you again."  
  
Funny how we all say these things that are paradoxes in themselves.  
Running away won't solve anything. But being with him would cause more problems for him and I didn't want to do that to him.  
Not again.  
  
"Always stay near me, Tatsu…" he whispered in his dream.  
  
I closed my eyes painfully as I turned around to leave.  
  
"I'm sorry, Ryu."  
  
  
Click.  
  
  
I paid the cashier and gave the money of that wicked woman to a bum on the street. "You need this more than I do."  
  
As I looked at the window of my former room, I knew Ryuichi would be getting up soon. And so, I ran as fast as I could with my hands in my pockets.  
  
  
And he'll read,  
"I hope you'll find what you're truly looking for, Ryu. It can't be me. I know it. We always seem to hurt each other…so, I can't be the one that can make you happy.   
  
I have the picture you gave me when you smiled while being confused. I think that's enough for me.  
  
* tear stain *  
  
Thanks for remembering yesterday was the first day we met years ago…  
I'm sorry that this will be the last time I'll see you.  
  
Love you.   
But that isn't a good enough word to describe what is between us, right? It's a weak word. I'm almost starting to hate it.  
It isn't enough…and I'm frustrated with that very fact.  
  
It isn't enough.  
  
Goodbye, Ryu."   
  
  
At that moment, my heart crunched while I passed some shop as a woman sang,  
"Soba ni iru no…Zutto…Zutto."  
  
  
I ran even faster trying not to cry again.  
  
  
  
To be continued…  
--  
Author's note: More angst coming ahead. For once, I'm actually warning you because I can't believe I'm doing this to Ryuichi…wah…  
And yes, this has turned into a real drama. Nooo! I didn't want to do that!!   
  
But...I think is the chapter I like the best so far... 


	25. Chapter 24 – the red thread of fate…snap...

Disclaimer: Yui doesn't own Gravitation. The songs belong to their respective owners.  
  
Aching Desire  
(Nagareboshi 3)  
by Miyamoto Yui  
  
Chapter 24 – the red thread of fate…snaps.  
  
  
"I'm so sorry to see you leave, Tatsuha-kun." Katsumi patted my shoulders as I walked out of the door. She then handed me an envelope.   
"Tips." She then winked her eye at me as she smiled. "But, I must tell you something."  
"Yes?" As I was about to push the front door, she said, "Two people were looking for you."  
I looked down at the ground and gulped. Maybe it was Ryuichi after all…  
"Two blonde guys."  
I turned around with my eyebrows touching one another. "Two blonde guys?"  
"Yeah, they were both asking about you."  
"And what did you say?"  
"I just looked them straight in the eye and said I didn't know you. The person they were looking for looked like my employee Shin, but no one by the name of Tatsuha."  
"Did they come at the same time?" It wasn't likely that they would both look for me together.  
Knowing them, they'd spread the search among many to save time, money, and energy.  
  
I sighed. The Seguchi household was known for their 'energy' philosophy: Use efficiently and only in important issues.  
I learned a lot from Touma, but my head was swimming.  
  
"No, they came days after you started working here. The one with the nice fur coat came in here three days. And then the other one with the cigarette between his fingers came four days after him."  
"Thanks for covering for me."  
"I hate to ask about histories, but what's this all about? They looked like they held a grudge."  
"They kind of do…that was my friend and my brother. Respectively."  
She laughed and smirked knowingly. "Such connections in high places."  
I just laughed in response. "I guess."  
"Well, good luck in whatever you do, Tatsuha-kun."  
"Thank you."  
I smiled as I went out of the shop.   
  
A few blocks off, I closed my eyes as someone passed by with Ryuichi singing, 'You belong to me' on their cd player.  
  
But, the car stopped and I stopped walking as my blood turned cold.  
  
Putting out his cigarette under his boots while getting out of his car, his devilish eyes replaced the calm exterior he always wore. "I've been waiting for the right time to approach you."  
Folding his arms, he laughed. "I can't believe it took Ryuichi a week to find you; and then another one to actually approach you."  
His head bowed as his tone went one octave down.  
  
"Ryuichi tried to slit his throat. Did you notice the scratch marks?" He stepped closer to me. "Or did you notice his bruises on his wrists that I gave him so that he wouldn't do anything?"  
  
"Touma-san…" I mumbled. "I left Ryuichi for good so that he wouldn't have to worry about me anymore."  
  
He then took a hold of my shoulders as he pushed me up against the wall behind me. His eyes became slits. "I can only take so much Tatsuha-kun. For your stupidity!"  
  
Touma-san hands shook violently as I saw my white shirt being stained by his own blood. He was gripping me so hard that he didn't notice his fingernails digging into his palms.  
"I actually took a day off today. Just for you Tatsuha-kun? And you know why?"  
  
"…" I just continued to look at him.  
  
"Because I had to get to you before your brother does."  
  
My stomach began to flip-flop as a bead of sweat fell down my cheek. I gulped as I looked away in alarm. "I've to meet Makoto somewhere at five. Please let me go."  
  
"I'm not letting you go now that I've found you."  
  
Looking from side to side, I shouted, "I have to get away from Ryuichi or else I'll hurt him more!"  
  
"Ping pong!" He began to chuckle lightly as he shook me and banged my back on the wall. "This is nothing compared to anything you've done for the past few days."  
  
The blood spread on my shoulders…  
  
"Tell me, Tatsuha. Being your friend, do you want me to save you for later or just kill you now and get it over with?" He tilted his head while closing his eyes and smiling with a creepy grin.   
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Do I cover for you?" Then, he looked down to the ground with a sincere smile. "Maybe this time, there is nothing I can do for you."  
  
"What? What do you mean?" I knew something was wrong for everyone being quiet, but I didn't know exactly what that meant.   
  
"Your father is of course looking for you. But so is Tsuki. And it was either I get to you first for Tsuki or your brother because of your father."  
  
Doki doki doki…  
  
"Why is Tsuki looking for me?"  
  
It was that Touma lifted my body from the ground as he slammed it into the wall. I felt the blood trickling from so many places…  
  
Dokidokidokidokidoki…  
  
"Congratulations, Tatsuha-kun! Your father would be so proud of you if he-" he laughed as he eyed me harshly. "…_WHEN_ he finds out."  
  
"Finds out what?" My head leaned closer to his as I kept my eyes on his.  
  
Again, I heard the song in my head sing, "Soba ni iru no…zutto…zutto…"  
  
DOKIDOKIDOKIDOKIDOKIDOKI…  
  
And I felt like I heard the red string of fate snap when he said,  
  
"Miyu Tsuki-san is now carrying your heir."  
  
  
To be continued.  
--  
Author's note: God, my heart beat so fast when I was making the last few lines. * sigh, sniff, sigh * 


	26. Chapter 25 – You know I’d do anything fo...

Disclaimer: Gravitation is by Maki Murakami-sensei. I'm just a weird fanfic writer who wonders if Murakami-sensei would kill if she knew what I did to her characters. ^^;;;  
  
Aching Desire  
(Nagareboshi 3)  
by Miyamoto Yui  
  
  
Chapter 25 – You know I'd do anything for you.  
  
I looked at the ground and began to laugh. I laughed so loud that even Touma loosened his grip and began to simmer as he softly called my name, "Tatsuha-kun?"  
  
I pushed him away from me and laughed even more as I looked at the hot sun over us. Putting my fingers on my forehead, I laughed and laughed. As people walked by, they looked at me funny, but that was all right with me.  
"Don't look at that man," one mother told her child as she yanked her son gently.  
  
"Wow, aren't I a lucky guy?" I blinked my eyes at Touma. "I get drunk with my childhood friend and we accidentally slept together."  
  
Putting my index finger up, I say, "Once. Only once! And then you come here after two and a half weeks to tell me all this."  
  
Then, I clapped my hands together. "I lost everything I've ever wanted!"  
  
"Tatsuha-kun…"  
  
Touma now was back to his old self. But as for me…  
  
This was my form of 'zero mode'.  
  
  
I shook my head as he let go of me. I looked at my shoulders and tilted my head while staring at Touma. Patting his shoulder, I joked, "Well, isn't this a mess?"  
  
Then, I pushed him away from me. "There's nothing you can do for me now. Thank you."  
  
Picking up my things once again, I smiled regretfully while saying, "I guess Ryuichi and I weren't meant to be after all."  
  
Touma didn't say a word as I saw his mouth open without something to say. This was the first time I had seen him speechless.  
  
And he let me walk away without following me.   
  
My god and I weren't meant to be after all.  
We come from different worlds…  
I guess it was better this way.  
  
Then, I went into a music store and bought the cd with that song. Pulling out the custom made cd player Ryuichi had given me, I began to sniff as I listlessly listened. I tried to memorize the lyrics as I remembered…  
  
"Why are you listening to that?" Ryuichi asked as he sat on the bed while drying his hair with a towel.  
I looked at the window as I answered, "I really like this song."  
"But it's so depressing." He then got up and threw his towel to the floor as he sat next to me. Wrapping his arms around my waist and interlocking his fingers, he laid his head on my shoulder blade as he softly sang along, "Donna ni mune ga itakutemo. Soba ni iru no.  
Zutto. Zutto."  
I closed my eyes as I put my hands over his and pressed my back more on his chest. "Can this be our song too?"  
He laughed. "Didn't you hear what I said earlier?"  
"Of course I did, Ryu."  
Sighing, he laughed. "Well, okay. Whatever makes you happy."  
It was a very peaceful moment and we were silent for a few minutes.  
Then, he said, "Now that I have your attention, I'll teach you some English."  
"Yes, my sexy teacher?" I looked up at him with a smirk.  
"Don't even."  
"I'm not doing anything."  
"Seriously, what I just sang to you translates to 'Even if I'm hurting inside, [I want] to be near you. For always. For always."  
I nodded my head as I tried to repeat, "Even if I'm hurting inside…"  
"Stop that."  
"What am I doing now?"  
"You're cute when you speak English. You look so frustrated."  
I laughed as I teased him and he couldn't resist me…  
  
Now, I'm on some street in Tokyo listening to a song trying not to get all emotional about it.   
It wasn't working though.  
  
I walked to the park where I was supposed to meet Makoto. As I waited there, the song was on repeat as I watched the millions of people passing.  
  
Tsuki has my baby...  
  
I looked down at the lake before me. "Does Aniki know?"  
  
But I couldn't think straight anymore. Everything seemed so hazy to me and all I wanted to do was…  
  
…was…  
  
go to Ryuichi and Tsuki at the same time.  
Impossible as it seemed.  
  
I laughed at my stupidity and there was Makoto to pick me up without a word. I just followed him resigned to the fate that was given to me. I fought against it, and look where it got me?  
  
At a worse position.  
  
"Your father knows" was the first thing he ever said to me as soon as we drove onto the highway.  
"I figured if you found out where I was." I looked out the window with my hands in a contemplative fashion. "It's not everyday that you call me. Especially when I was in hiding."  
Then I added, "And I found out the news from Touma-san just now."  
"Of course…Miyu-san would try to get in contact with you." He sighed as he kept his eyes on the road.  
"But how did he find out?" I shook my head. "Tsuki wouldn't tell him. I know how she is."  
"He found out through the doctor that checked her. The world is a small place isn't it?" He weakly laughed. "Dr. Yoshiyuki. The one your family has gone to all these years. And his family has checked your family since who knows when."  
"And what now?"  
"Your father has tried to contact Miyu-san, but she kept on ignoring us. She's still in her home, but she won't have anything to do with us."  
  
I took a deep breath.  
  
Give me a break.  
Even the doctor?! And she's by herself?!  
  
Well, knowing her and her 'independent ways', she's probably happy with the baby, but scared out of her mind that it's mine.  
She would understand how possessive Ryuichi is. Come on, we grew up together with Nittle Grasper and our obsession over him.   
  
And after that whole incident…  
I don't even know how she's taking this either.  
  
When I got to my household (or rather, the fortress), I walked up the stairs solemnly as I looked at my father blankly from the doorway. I was in no mood to talk to anyone.  
I was just being quiet because in my head, I was just watching myself do these things. But nothing seemed real anymore.  
  
One thing after the other.   
I couldn't even swim to save my life as more water was poured to drown me.  
  
Responsibility.  
Love.  
Everyone must choose between these things.  
  
And a person loses a part of themselves in the process of choosing. They don't even know if it's the answer they're looking for.  
  
My father smiled at me through his oxygen mask. I just looked at him unable to walk past the threshold.  
"You have an heir! Good job, Tatsuha." He coughed as he laughed at the same time. "I don't like this unmarried business, so you're going straight up to that young woman and marrying her as soon as possible."  
I just looked at him.  
"Then, your future is secured." Then, he proudly stabbed me, "I'm glad you left Ryuichi Sakuma."   
  
I then smiled with the numbness that seeped through my blood as it ran cold. I nodded my head and went to my room.  
When I closed the door, I put my hands on the wall and broke down. Closing my eyes, I pushed my cheek on the poster, but it was all in vain.  
  
They were cold.  
Very cold…  
  
I kissed the piece of smooth paper trying to imagine the lips that I had kissed a million times.  
  
As I sobbed, I tore the picture. I ripped pictures, articles, and whatever I had accumulated all these years about him. Even if it was just a word or a sentence about him.   
  
And then, I chuckled to myself like the mad man I already was.  
  
Opening the window, the pieces of paper danced on the floor. I quietly opened my door and left it all there for them to pick up.  
  
Everything I had ever saved.  
I know I was the one who shattered it anyway…  
  
  
Quickly and shrewdly, I found my way out of the house without the guards finding me. I tried to make it the main streets and luckily found a taxi.  
  
After an hour, the driver announced, "Here's your stop, sir."  
  
"Thanks." I handed the driver his pay and a very generous tip.  
  
As he drove away, I turned around to Ryuichi's beach house's door. It wasn't something big because we hated anything that was too spacious.  
  
I don't know why I came here.  
I should be going to Tsuki.  
  
But…when everything is mixed up, nothing makes sense anymore.  
I don't know what's wrong and right anymore.  
  
  
All I know is that I don't like any of it.  
I don't want any of it…  
  
  
I took my key and put it in through the lock. "Please forgive me…"  
  
As I put down my stuff, I looked around in the darkness. It was very late anyway. And I laughed as loudly as I could.  
I couldn't cry, so I was laughing out my sorrows.  
  
"And this is how the world is…" I started to sing some unknown song.  
  
Looking around the place, I started to break down. I could see memories everywhere and I couldn't stand it. I just came here because I wanted the closest thing to Ryuichi.  
  
"Come here whenever you like. It's ours," he said as he dropped the key into my hands. "Don't miss me too much. I'll be dying in the States."  
"It's only a three-day trip!"  
"Same thing. Three days, one week, a year." He shrugged his shoulders. "It's all the same if I can't see you."  
I sighed. "You know. At the rate we're going, we'll never leave each other even to go to the bathroom."  
He winked at me. "You say it like there's a problem Tatsuha."  
I smirked.  
  
  
You want him…You don't want him…Make up your damn mind…  
My thoughts were just pure nonsense now.  
  
  
That's when I began to really cry.  
  
  
I opened the sliding door of the balcony and looked up to the promising sky. The wind blew and I looked at the moon.  
  
  
  
A flash of Ryuichi came back to me as his words did. He had said with sad eyes, "I don't know what I'd ever do if I couldn't have you, Tatsuha...""  
  
  
Holding out my hands, I laughed with tears in my eyes already losing my mind. "How could you have ever loved this unworthy human, Ryuichi?! You're as stupid as I am for forgiving me so many times!!"  
  
I love you and it was too much, wasn't it?  
I was scared of us suffocating one another.  
  
And we did.  
  
"But you never thought about if you were taken from me…" Slowly, I stood on the ledge and looked at the ocean crashing below me.  
  
"I told you once. While you were sleeping, I said it to you…but did you hear me? I said if you were ever taken away from me, I'd go crazy."  
  
I'd rather die than give you up.  
Is there no one but you, Ryu, that understands that?!  
  
  
I continued to watch the waves as a calm smile appeared upon my face. "A mermaid is very possessive…"  
  
  
And I began to lean forward while closing my eyes while his voice began to plague me and I didn't know if it was real or not.  
  
"Would you jump off the ledge for me?"  
  
I nodded my head.  
  
"Yes, Ryu…  
  
You know I'd do anything for you…  
  
Anything…"  
  
  
To be continued.  
--  
Author's note: Whoa! Thanks guys! No matter how many times I say thank you, you can't understand how much your support means to me!! Whenever I think, "Oh shit, I really am going to get creamed for this one. Demo, demo…I want to do it! If I stay in my little niche that I've built for myself, I'll never learn to improve…", that's when I find out that it is okay. I actually love making this fic. It really has a different feel to it than when I wrote 'Infatuation'. I will attempt to make another fic, but with Hiro and Shuichi next time.   
But, * sighs * because I've made this very long and we're only about ½ - 2/3's done, I can't believe I made this a soap opera. * sighs again * I wanted to make it believable. And to tell you the truth, * rolls eyes * I've actually seen this happen, even if I twist the events a lot or at least, I tried to make it as realistic as possible.   
As for the angst… "…" Damn, didn't know I was that awful. ^^;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; I'm being called 'evil' every few chapters. * smiles * I love you guys! It doesn't help when you fall in love with the song 'Ningyo Hime'. @_@  
And…* sniff * I hope you aren't too mad at me my Chibi for torturing Tatsuha! * sighs * 


	27. Chapter 26 “As long as you’re mine Th...

Disclaimer: Yui doesn't own Gravitation.  
  
Aching Desire  
(Nagareboshi 3)  
by Miyamoto Yui  
  
  
Chapter 26 - "As long as you're mine. That's all that matters…"  
  
I want to always be with you, Ryu.  
  
"TATSUHAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
At that moment, my sleepy and teary-eyed face turned around to find Ryuichi running towards me. I smiled softly at him as I closed my eyes to jump off the ledge.  
"This way, I can always be with you, Ryu. Don't you see?"  
  
"NO!!!!! THAT'S NOT HOW IT SHOULD BE!!!!!" he shouted with all his heart.  
  
At that moment, he grabbed my waist as I was about to shift my weight forward.   
  
It wasn't at the call of my name that snapped me back to reality; it was his response to my mumbling of nonsense that was only logical to me.  
  
Ryu was real…  
He was in front of me trying to save me…  
  
"Why can't it be that way, Ryu?" I then turned around as he pushed his lips on my chest. "Tell me."  
"Tatsuha, it can't be that way." He shook his head from side to side as his shaky arms held onto me. "Remember what I said two years ago, 'I'd jump off the ledge for you too'."  
  
Then, he said as if he were pleading, "No matter where you go, I'll go too."  
  
"You won't forgive me now." I shook my head. "You shouldn't forgive me for what I'm about to tell you."  
  
Letting go of my waist, he shook his head and answer persistently, "Try me."  
  
"How did you find me?"  
  
"Do you really think Touma-san would let you go so easily?"  
  
I laughed as I nodded knowingly.   
  
We were silent as the waves crashed below us.  
  
"He was the one who dropped me off here."  
  
"Touma-san did?"  
  
Ryuichi nodded. Then, he looked away from me for a moment. He let out a deep breath as he said, "Let me tell you something that he and I've never told to anyone."  
  
Slowly, I nodded my head in confusion. The stirring inside of myself started to settle and I began to become calm as things started to make more reasonable to me.  
  
Then, he quietly told me, "Tatsuha, Touma and I used to be together."  
  
I looked at him with wide eyes of shock. "Really?"  
  
"Yes. Really." He sighed and I could tell it wasn't one of those that you give in exasperation.  
It was one of frustrating and regret.   
  
He continued, "It wasn't for very long though. Though we liked one another a lot and we were very quiet about it, he met someone whom he cared for even more than me. Like the way you and I are. That kind of care and affection."  
  
"My sister…" I mumbled.  
  
He sighed without an answer.  
  
And somehow, it scared me because I had a feeling that wasn't his answer…  
But also, I was scared of the truth if he told me what the real response was.  
So, I kept quiet.  
  
Then, he held out his arms out to me. "Now try me, Tatsuha. Tell me something that will change how I feel about you."  
  
My heart beat the fastest it had ever done before. I cleared my throat, but I looked at him both in annoyance and pity. "Miyu Tsuki is carrying my child. So, I'm of course being forced to marry her."   
But I looked at him in anger as I held my hands in fists, "But I'd rather…I'd rather do this…"  
  
I was ashamed of myself.   
I know this was very selfish, but I just couldn't take it anymore!!!!  
  
Ryuichi's determined look stared back at me without blinking. He continued to keep his arms out to me. "I don't care. It won't change anything."  
  
"Ryuichi…" I began to blink as tears began to fill my eyelids again.  
  
[Note: Author is actually crying at this point on as she types.]  
  
"Come here to me, my Baby."   
  
It was then that I smiled at him and let myself fall into his warm arms while singing to his ear the last verse of Nagareboshi, "Catch me."   
  
When he caught me, he held me and I wasn't touching the ground. His lips kissed my forehead as he said, "I know already. Tsuki had told me herself."  
  
I opened my sore eyes in even more amazement. "You did?"  
  
He nodded. "That's why my voice came back."  
  
I laughed sheepishly.  
  
At that moment, his voice wavered as he began to break down and actually cry. Holding me tighter, he whispered in an even lower tone to my ear. His breath on my cold ear made me want to melt.  
  
That's how much I had ached for him to touch me.  
Even his breath made me feel so much better.  
  
He said, "I don't care as long as you're happy, Tatsuha. Even if it isn't with me, I want you to be alive."  
  
I closed my eyes.  
  
"What could make you think I don't love you enough to forgive you?"  
  
"I betrayed you, Ryu. Though I didn't mean to."  
  
He put me down as he sank to floor while holding my hips. Laying his forehead on my stomach, he closed his eyes as if he was praying.   
  
  
We can't say 'I love you' anymore.  
These are futile words to express anything between us…  
  
When one meets the object of their affection, nothing seems impassible. Though, everything in reality, it is all barred.  
And you will give up everything to reach them, even at the chance of never really touching them at all…  
  
  
We are such a funny pair.  
  
I wanted to die to become even a speck close to him…  
To be able to just be with him.  
  
"How did it all come to be like this?" I whispered almost inaudibly while my tears fell down on his hair.  
  
Ryuichi held me even tighter. He then whispered sincerely and with much affection, "As long as you're mine. That's all that matters…"  
  
  
What have I done to you, Ryuichi?  
Was it better that you met me or not at all? I don't know the answer anymore…  
  
  
While holding his shoulders, I cried even more at the man before me…  
  
To be able to just keep me…  
How desparately this god wanted to become an imperfect human…  
  
  
To be continued…  
--  
  
Author's note: Yea!!! I just got Gravitation 12, X 18, and the second X anime series soundtrack! I'm very happy! My parents gave it to me as a present for doing all this stuff for the past two weeks and so I'm very happy! X 18…wah~! SUBARU!!!   
And as for Gravi 12…hiro. @_@ I love his braid. WAI~! I screamed in my apartment and it was dead silent. ^^;;;  
And I'm not an anime Yuki fan, but I like manga Yuki. But now, I've grown to love Yuki in general. The last picture in the Gravi 12 is now my favorite of him. Before it was the one with glasses with a profile shot because it reminded me of someone… ;_; He's so cute when Shuichi says, "Aishiteru, Yuki" and then Yuki puts down his sunglasses and smiles. * winces * That's like my favorite part in Zetsuai the oav! Okay, I'll stop rambling now.  
* smiles * I love this fic. This and 'You Drive Me Crazy' have been the most fulfilling fanfics I've done so far. My emotions go up and down. I want to laugh, I want to cry, I want to kill characters, I think that people want to kill me…but all the while, I feel satisfied. I'm just happy that you guys are reacting to the fic strongly. I really didn't expect such a positive response to all the torture and angst I wrote. ^^;;;;;;   
And the reason why I made the chapters longer was so that the fic wouldn't drag on. I hope you guys aren't bored yet. ^^;;; 


	28. Chapter 27 Dekinai You just can't

Disclaimer: Yui doesn't own Gravi, but she loves the characters a lot.  
  
Aching Desire (Nagareboshi 3) by Miyamoto Yui  
  
Chapter 27 - "Dekinai. You just can't." (You can't. You just can't.)  
  
I gripped onto his shoulders a bit tighter until I felt my muscles ache not knowing how much I was hurting him. But Ryuichi just kneeled in front of me without anything to say. I just looked up to the sky above us and wondered what the hell would happen from here on out?  
  
"Ryuichi." I whispered softly as the waves crashed. "Please stand up."  
  
Like a little kid, he gripped harder and I looked down to find his chibi self pouting at me. I closed my eyes and shook my head with a half-happy smirk all over my face. "You."  
  
I then pulled his hands as he got up.  
  
Then, at the corner of my eye, I saw something flashing. So, I turned my head towards the living room of the beach house. Leaving Ryuichi in his place, he watched me as I walked into the house and towards the telephone. Weirdly, the answering machine was quickly blinking red. Pressing the button, I then heard a loud, "TATSUHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DOOOOKOOOO DESU KA?!!!!! Ryuichi is looking for you! And Yuki won't tell me what's going on so you'd BETTER pick up the damn phone and call me!!!!" Ryuichi laughed as he came in. "Shuichi-san." I nodded. Then the machine went 'BEEP'!  
  
"Tatsuha!" A silence. Then, Shuichi's tone became dark as he said, "You'd better get to your father asap. He's going to die any minute now. That's what the doctor's said after you had disappeared. And Yuki won't say anything else to me. Where the hell are you?! Do I know you better than you know yourself?! I know you'd eventually go to the beach house, so where the hell are you?! Call me!!! Psst. Your brother's worried even though he doesn't want to admit it. Take care of yourself because I want you alive when I see you. I'll kill you later. Please take care." BEEEP!  
  
I looked at Ryuichi with a perplexed face. I didn't even have to tell him anything as he just took my sleeve and pulled me towards the door. "We're going to Tsuki-san's. If you go to your father's again without a plan, you're going to really kill him."  
  
I nodded as I gulped.  
  
In silence, we locked up the house and rode on his motorcycle to Tsuki's home. I gripped my two arms around his waist and placed my head on his back as he recklessly rode without a helmet, but forced me to wear it instead.  
  
I wonder how Tsuki is feeling. But it won't be long until I find it.  
  
When we got there, I took off the black helmet and shook my head as we both reached the front gate. The house, well from behind the gate at least, look almost abandoned. Almost. There was light in her bedroom. We stood before the speaker.  
  
"Yes, who is it?" Tsuki's voice asked through the intercom. I couldn't tell if she was nervous, mad, or confused at us visiting at such an odd hour of the day.  
  
"It's me, Sakuma Ryuichi." But I could tell that even though he was trying his hardest, he wanted to gulp at saying that single line.  
  
"Hai," she answered.  
  
"I also found Tatsuha."  
  
"Alright," she said as the gates beeped and we let ourselves in.  
  
I lifted up my hand to knock on the door and I felt like I was carrying a thirty-five pound cast. I almost couldn't do it.  
  
Click. Tsuki saved me the effort as she opened the door slowly. Then, she smiled as she pulled my hand to come inside. Then, she pulled on Ryuichi's.  
  
I blinked as I closed the door. Why? Because she wouldn't let go of Ryuichi.  
  
I facevaulted. "Tsuki!"  
  
She sniffed. Mature as she was, when she was up against what she really loved, she just turned to complete mush. So there goes the independent woman that I admired all these years.  
  
Ryuichi laughed.  
  
"I'm holding _the_ Sakuma Ryuichi's hand!" she shouted in excitement like any fangirl. Only, this fangirl had a baby inside of her.  
  
"Nice to meet you!" Ryuichi said as he looked at her, this short girl with a long baby blue nightgown on.  
  
Then, they did what I had always thought she'd do if she ever met him: She begged for a kumagorou.  
  
Ryuichi took a mini one from his pocket. He signed it and gave it to her. I slapped my hand on my forehead. What the hell was happening? This wasn't a time to be so friendly! Here I was thinking that Ryuichi would at least be more upset or Tsuki would be more mature about this.  
  
They stopped their introductions as soon as they heard me slap my forehead in frustration. Their eyes turned to me and I looked at both of them. "Okay, let me get this straight because I'm confused. Your doctor said you were pregnant. He told my father. My father has been trying to contact you, but you've not visited him. He's tried to find me through my brother. You get a hold of Ryuichi and he gets his voice back because you told him the news. And now you guys are acting like good friends?"  
  
Ryuichi's eyes averted themselves from me as he scratched his head. "Well, she is helping us." "But you were against this! And what about that in the beach house just earlier?" I countered as my voice went up a few notches in volume. Tsuki just looked at both us and took a bag of chips to eat from the table next to her. "Well, she pointed it out to me this way." He then pushed Tsuki forwards as she looked at me carefully. "You need an heir and." With a scary gleam in her eye, she smiled to say, "I get to bear the child of Sakuma Ryuichi's lover!!" "Geh. Anou." I couldn't believe what I was hearing. So yet again, I facevaulted.  
  
Ryuichi shrugged as he turned into a chibi and made an imaginary circle on the floor with his index finger. "It was a good explanation, wasn't it?"  
  
You. But then, he held a melancholic smile that only I could read. I knew his true thoughts. I knew he was trying his best not to make me unhappy. .even when I could see he a dying inside. and trying so hard not to show me.  
  
I sighed inside as I looked back at Tsuki.  
  
"So, it's not 'my childhood friend Tatsuha's kid'? It's Sakuma Ryuichi's lover's child???" I blinked at her incredulously. Tsuki nodded as Ryuichi did also, but with guilt.  
  
"You're just like Shuichi." I pouted as I glared at her while shaking my head.  
  
Then, I sighed as we all stood next to one another thinking about our next move.  
  
"I feel like a pawn on a chess board," I commented while holding my chin in contemplation. "And I'm cornered from all sides." "We're your knights on that board," Tsuki seriously answered as she patted my arm. "We'll take care of you."  
  
I looked up to see Ryuichi bowing his head in deep thought as his lips became a thin line. I couldn't tell if he was angry, but I almost shivered at seeing the death glare appearing on his face. He then said in a low tone, "How do we checkmate the king?"  
  
Looking at me straight in the eye, I caught his glance as he whispered, "How do you make a chess player stop playing a game without killing them disgracefully?"  
  
I shook my head as I answered, "I don't know."  
  
Tsuki bowed her head as she honestly said what I didn't want to hear:  
  
"Dekinai. You just can't."  
  
  
  
to be continued. -- Author's note: Hello again! Did you miss me? I'm sorry that this took so so long to be updated and I feel really guilty about it, but I really had no time. School is really killing me so I had no time to do anything really. And, I got into a writer's block because I didn't know what to do and because of my writing classes, my confidence in my writing plummeted for a while.so, yeah. That's what happened. But I had time to reply to some e-mails and thank you for being patient. I'm a terrible replier because of my schedule, but thanks! And thank you for reading!!! Even though I can't thank you individually, please know that I really really do appreciate you for reading my humble works. 


	29. Chapter 28 – It was protecting what made...

Disclaimer: Yui doesn't own Gravitation. Murakami-sensei does.  
Ningyo hime is sung by Rie Tanaka.  
  
  
Aching Desire   
(Nagareboshi 3)  
by Miyamoto Yui  
  
Chapter 28 – It was protecting what made me happy.  
  
  
My eyes averted themselves away from both of them. I was flustered on what to do though I was trying to be as calm as I could with what I had to work with. Which wasn't much if you asked me.  
  
There _has_ to be some way.  
  
Ryuichi interrupted my thoughts as he said, "Yes, we can."  
  
Tsuki and both looked at the determined face that wouldn't give up. His eyes squinted as he looked right at me. This look told me, "I will not lose you ever again."  
  
"I have to get to my father's soon," I grimly announced though I didn't need to say anything at all.  
  
What do we do with Tsuki? If anything happens, we'll lose the child. And that's the last thing that we want happening.  
At that moment, I turned to Tsuki. "The first thing I want you to do is get your stuff packed. I'm going to ask Touma-san if you can stay with them."  
  
Tsuki nodded silently as I watched Ryuichi already getting his cell out to call Touma. He then pulled my shirt and kissed me on the cheek as he whispered, "I'll follow you to hell itself, Tatsuha. Please don't ever leave me again."  
His hand trembled and then he let go as he paced around the room. "Touma, I need to ask you a favor."  
Then, Ryuichi started to laugh. "You always know what I'm thinking, don't you…"  
  
When he pressed the button to end the conversation, Tsuki came down and was ready to leave. She sat down on the couch as Ryuichi already began to spoil her by pulling out another Kumogurou from his pocket. This time, it was a plushie.  
  
I sighed as I saw Tsuki die on the couch as Ryuichi tried his hardest to keep from smirking in satisfaction. I think he loved the fact that he could tease her.  
  
"I'm bearing Sakuma Ryuichi's lover's child!" repeated in my mind. I shook my head and chuckled as I looked at both of them.  
  
Pulling slightly on the curtains, we waited for Touma's driver to come and pick Tsuki up. I looked out the window in anxiety as the clock ticked away.  
Sighing, I couldn't help but ponder on the next move.   
  
I turned around and we came up with a plan.  
  
"So, I go to Father's," I said as I leaned on the wall with my arms folded.  
"I hide at Seguchi-san's place," Tsuki added with a smile.  
"I'll be right outside of your residence waiting for your return. I'll be discussing ideas with Touma about doing the concert after all."  
  
  
After a few hours, one of Touma's drivers came to pick Tsuki up. But it was kind of funny because she kissed me on the cheek and she didn't know how to say goodbye to Ryuichi. Instead, they did something that made them both happy.  
I sighed as I saw both of them have their Kumogorou's kiss one another goodbye. Then, she hugged Ryuichi as she waved goodbye. (She was never one to just go out quietly, if you haven't noticed already.)  
"Stay there until we call you back," I instructed her as I patted her shoulder as she got into the car.  
"Geez Tatsuha. You told me this so many times already." She sighed as she looked up to my face while sitting down. "Trust that this will be okay. And it will, Tat-chan."  
I laughed with a thoughtful smile at how warm her words were. She had never changed at all, and that suited me just fine.  
Ryuichi laughed as he pushed the car door to close it for her. "Please don't wear out Touma-san," he said.  
"What? Seguchi-san?" She joked as she blinked her eyes.   
We sweatdropped in fear. Touma was part of Nittle Grasper…how could I have forgotten for a moment about her fangirl impulses?  
  
As they drove away, I closed the gate behind us and looked at Ryuichi. He nodded his head and threw the helmet at me again. I blinked at him and shook my head.  
Instead, I pushed it into his hands. "This time, you hold onto me, Ryuichi."  
He shook his head as he flashed me one of his great smiles.   
"Sure," he answered.  
  
At that, I silently sat on the motorcycle as Ryuichi positioned himself in back of me. I closed my eyes for a bit as I leaned back on him while sighing.   
We weren't even moving yet and he already placed his arms firmly around my waist. I could feel his fear through his touch.  
"I choose you, Ryu," I assured him as I gripped his hand for a few seconds. I laughed trying to make us both feel a little bit better. "I sound like Ash on Poketo Monsters, don't I?'  
He smiled at bit in amusement, but the anxiety remained a bit longer.   
I let go and we were off to my father's home.  
  
It wasn't my home anymore.  
  
***  
  
When we got to the fortress, I digged my shoes firmly on the pavement wondering why the hell did such a traditional looking house stand in a city's residential area? Japan couldn't let go of tradition as with a lot of other countries.  
My father was one of them: the people of the past. I was the bridge that was leading somewhere that fell in between the future and the past.  
I was looking at this house as if I had never been there, and yet I lived there all my life.  
  
I was a stranger with nowhere to go but forward.  
  
I got off the bike with Ryuichi taking off the helmet. He leaned on the bike with his arms crossed unable to do anything.  
Nodding, I went up to the gate and knocked to be let inside as if I were a wandering samurai being led into a trap.  
Looking around, one of the maids led me up to the house. It wasn't my father's room she was leading me to, but to another one. The 'extra' den that we had never used, except to store things here and there. As she opened the door, my eyes opened wide as I found my father sit weakly to my left side waiting for my return.  
  
"I didn't have to send Makoto after you. This is good." He coughed and he didn't even try to get up as they pulled away the screen with the Chinese brush strokes upon them with their black waters.  
I stared in front of me as I watched Tsuki looking back at me with fearful eyes.  
  
My hands clenched in anger. "What the hell is going on here?!"  
  
I couldn't be formal anymore. I didn't want this anymore.  
In that single moment, I finally realized that we were both taken to the extremes. A predicament that we both had not wanted to cross.  
It wasn't about who was right or wrong. It wasn't about my father being so mean and me not getting any of the breaks.  
  
It was protecting what made me happy.  
  
  
And dammit! That was Ryu!!!  
  
  
"You're getting married today, Tatsuha. Omedetto." Again, he coughed as he rubbed his chest. "Right now, by the way."  
  
As my arms were being seized by Makoto, I squinted long and hard at my father. My silence said more than I could ever say to him now.  
  
"I will not do this!" I finally shouted.  
Tsuki chimed in, "I'm sorry, but I won't stand for this either."  
  
All along, she had tried to wring free, but was unable to. Still, she tried as much as I did.  
  
"Yes, I agree with both of them," a voice suddenly said.  
Tap, tap, tap.   
  
The shoes on the wooden floor made the tension in the air even more strenuous as I saw Touma lean with one hand on the doorway. His head was bent and I shuddered to think how he got past all the other guards in order to get her.  
  
"Touma-san?" I mumbled.  
He laughed as he answered, "You didn't think I'd just let you go so easily, would you Tatsuha-kun?"  
  
My stomach churned at the ring he gave to my name.  
This wasn't good.  
  
Lifting up his head, he took a step in and with a slightly annoyed look, his icy tone said, "You guys were very loud, so I thought I'd crash the party."  
  
"Seguchi-san…" my father said as he bowed his head to peer at Touma as if he were still the child that Aniki had clung onto years ago. The child that he had never reached, but Touma could love with all his heart.  
He gripped onto his wooden cane in nervousness.  
  
If there was one person to fear, that would always be Touma.  
  
"You will not do the same thing to them as you did to me," Touma seethed through his teeth as one of the guards was ready to pounce him.  
When the guard did, Touma took his arm and twisted it skillfully behind the guard and grinned devilishly at my father. "First time, your bad. Second time, my bad."  
  
I stared at both of them in disbelief. What was happening here?  
They never showed this kind of tension before…  
  
Touma gestured for me to come to him as he pushed the guard away. "I will be taking Tatsuha and Tsuki-san, thank you."  
  
"Are you doing this for yourself, Touma-kun?" my father laughed as he eyed Touma.   
  
"You took Yuki away from me once before. I won't let you do that to Ryuichi." He clenched his hand so much without a quiver that he didn't even notice that he had begun to bleed.  
  
Aniki?   
Taking Tsuki-chan's hand, we walked over to Touma. Confusion was spreading in questions all over my mind.  
  
But we weren't going to be let out so easily, were we? When we turned around to exit, the entrance was full of people, both guards and maids making a human wall. I took Tsuki into my arms as Touma lifted his head up all the way.  
  
He had gone zero-mode.  
  
He wasn't Touma anymore.  
A demon had taken his place.   
  
Taking one person after the other into his hands, I tried to calm him down, but he pushed me to violently to one side as my back slammed into a wall. Tsuki didn't know what to do as I saw my father fall to the ground in shock, having a hard time with breathing. His body was collapsing and now he felt the gravity along with it.  
  
"Sachou! Sachou!!" a familiar voice called. "You must come quickly!!!"  
  
As my back leaned weakly on the wooden wall with Tsuki trying to keep me conscious with her soft slaps and kind voice, I saw Sakano-san push through the crowd and took a hold of Touma with his hands.  
"Don't do this!"  
Touma's red eyes analyzed Sakano's.   
"Hanase," the voice of the devil commanded. "Let go."  
  
"This isn't you anymore Sachou!!!"   
"I said let me go. I won't repeat this again."  
  
The crowd was dispersing somewhat around us because they were fearful at what we had all done, though it had been my father's doing that put all this into motion.  
  
"You told me to come with you if you ever became this way!"  
  
It then dawned on me…  
This strong relationship between them.   
One that rivaled that of my brother, my sister, or Ryuichi…  
  
At that moment, Sakano did the only thing he could do: He let go of Touma, turned him around, and took a hold of his arms. "Give me back my Sachou!!!"  
  
The wind blew and when I looked at Sakano…  
  
I knew.  
I knew that look.  
It was the same I gave to Ryuichi.  
  
Only…Touma was blind to it, wasn't he?  
  
Touma blinked at him and began to recognize him again…  
  
I was honestly awed at Sakano's power over Touma.  
The only person who could pacify him when the time came.  
It was Sakano who the strongest among all of us even though he was the one who always worried and seemed like such a cry-baby at times…  
  
Touma wasn't to be feared when he went into Zero mode.   
It was Sakano, the only person he would listen to…  
  
"Sakano-san…" I mumbled unable to convey my thoughts coherently to anyone, especially to Tsuki who was in front of me.  
I was so disillusioned that I looked at Touma, Tsuki, and my father with no strength to get up. I feared that if I moved, I would break something even further.  
  
I heard the ambulance come with the ringing loudly through my skull through both of my ears.  
Only…it wasn't for my father.  
  
Sakano shook Touma's shoulders and worriedly announced, "Ryuichi-san has gotten into an accident…"  
  
My eyes opened widely and I was unable to process anything else that he said. And like the idiot I was for my Ryu, in a split second, I forgot about my pain.   
Getting up with one hand to one side, I cringed in pain.  
  
I looked at my father in pain as many tried to attend to him.  
I looked at the entrance to where Ryuichi was being taken away.  
  
Doki…doki…doki…  
  
Do you pick your dying father…  
Or your dying lover?  
  
  
"I'm sorry…" I whispered as I closed my eyes while letting go of Tsuki's arm.   
  
Taking one glance at my father, I pushed through Sakano and Touma. Holding my rib in pain, I felt the blood pulsating as rushed over to wherever Ryuichi was. I bit my lip at throbbing burning at my side.  
  
I had finally cut the bonds that held my family together.  
There was no more balance.  
  
"Yes, I'll follow you to hell," I whispered as I gripped my shirt while running as fast I could not carrying what happened anymore.  
  
Now, where is Ryuichi?  
I ran even faster with that song still playing in my head almost draining me…  
  
/Anata o mitsukete   
Soshite nidoto Wasurezu  
Donna ni mune ni itakutemo  
Soba ni iru no.  
Zutto….zutto./  
  
  
Tsuzuku…  
  
--  
Author's note: I have been super stuck on what the hell to do. I don't want to make this a not-so-good ending with all the build up. * laughs * One of you said this was an addiction. I was very happy and flattered by this comment  
So, I hope you can forgive me by accepting this long chapter? ^^v And do you like the suspense with all these things happening at the same time? * guilty look of trying her best to make her readers more addicted * Did that succeed? I hope it did. ^^v  
Yes, I do understand that Touma and Mika have a child, but because Murakami-sama was unspecific as to whether it was a girl or a boy, I'm unable to make a reference to that character. And either way, it would still be Tatsuha who needs to bear an heir because he is the next patriarch of the family since Yuki has relinquished the role to Tatsuha. So complicated!  
Can Yui finish this by Chapter 30? We'll see… 


	30. Chapter 29 Boku no tame ni For my sake

Disclaimer: Gravitation belongs to Maki Murakami-sensei. Predilection isn't mine but sung by Kappei Yamaguchi. (I AM SO IN LOVE WITH YOU!)  
  
Aching Desire  
(Nagareboshi 3)  
By Miyamoto Yui  
  
Chapter 29 - Boku no tame ni. (For my sake.)  
  
But by the time I got to the front, the crowd outside of the gates of my home were waning. I watched the ambulance leave. It became smaller and smaller as I felt myself finally give in.  
My body finally told me, "You've had enough."  
And I fell to the ground and kneeled on my knees still reaching with my hand like a man looking for an oasis in a desert. "Ryuichi...please hold on..."  
I cringed deep inside.  
  
But _I_ wouldn't give in.   
I wouldn't give up!  
  
While pushing myself up, I felt my side throb in more pain than a thousand pricks pressed upon it.  
"What the hell did I do to deserve this?" I asked as I bit my lip in pain.   
  
My eyes closed as I tried to push myself off the ground again.  
  
"You fell for a man. No actually, a man wasn't good enough," someone told me with endearment mixed with sarcasm. "You had to pick THE idol of Japan."  
  
Opening my eyes, I smiled weakly, "As blunt as always, aren't you, Aniki?"  
"You betcha."  
I wanted to laugh, but it would hurt too much. So I just said, "You talk like Shuichi now."  
"I've been around that baka for too long." He smirked to himself as he helped up while I was trying my best not to show that I was bleeding a little. "I know I've been tainted since the first time I fell in love with that boy."   
"Where'd you come from?" I asked him with an odd look on my face.  
"Where the hell do you think?" He took my arm and tried to help me towards his car. "Tokyo."  
"Then, where is Shuichi?" I looked at the backseat which was filled with pens, notebooks, and pictures.  
"In the ambulance with Ryuichi."  
"How'd you get-" I asked as I was seating myself into his car.  
"You ask too many questions. Think to yourself for a while and then you'll know," he said irritated beyond belief.  
"What about Touma and Sakano-san?" I asked as I put on my seatbelt.  
He then closed my door and went to his side and sat down. He then turned on the engine while pulling out his trademark cigarettes from his pocket. Aniki then commented, "When did you _ever_ have to worry about them?"  
"Good point," I nodded.  
Putting his arm over my chair, he put on his shades, placed the burning cig into his mouth and looked at the back.   
"I'm surrounded by idiots, I swear," he mumbled to himself.  
  
Vroom! And off we were to that old familiar hospital.  
  
"That doesn't make you any better," I added in a humph.  
He nodded nonchalantly. "I fell for a psycho teacher and a pink-haired ball of genki embodied in something resembling a human. Both in the same lifetime. Yeah, I think you've made a valid point."  
  
As we rode to the hospital, I couldn't help but look at Aniki and think of Touma at the same time. "You took Yuki away from me once before," replayed in my mind over and over.  
His eyes, his tone...  
These tips of desparation were not Touma at all. And to go into zero-mode for it...  
  
  
What did Touma-san mean by this? That was what I was dying to ask him.   
But from the looks of it, I knew better. Putting this single lingering thought into his head would make it work in a frenzy. Of course, Aniki would never tell you that he was thinking about it hard with his poker face. But, you knew he was.  
And as honestly brutal as he was with words, he and our sister would hit a note of discord.  
  
Damn.  
But what would knowing do-  
  
"What are you thinking about?" He took a puff as he watched the road meticulously. "And you'd better not shut up when I ask you a question because I've been trying to find you for weeks already. I don't have time to go all over Japan just because Father is worried about you." He took another drag as he kept his eye on the road.  
Explains why you're grumpier than usual.  
I sighed. Then, I gulped as I blurted out, "Do you know why Touma-san couldn't talk to you after 'the incident'?"  
He was the one that unusually became silent.  
"Yes," he answered finally.  
  
He had known...  
  
"Father didn't want me associating with a murderer," he said as he nervously took another puff.  
"That's it?" I asked surprised.  
  
Was that really all?  
No, it couldn't be. Father's and Touma's eyes filled with hatred towards one another could not have such a simple solution.   
I guess everyone has their faults. I can't believe my aniki was a little blind after all...  
  
"But I couldn't stop," he began to say. "He had saved my life. And for that, I'll be forever grateful."  
He put out his cigarette in the car ashtray.  
  
"But Aniki-" I tried to persist not satisfied with the way this was going.  
"We're here," he announced harshly. And that indicated to me that the conversation was done.  
  
But did you know or not? Not...  
I could tell by his eyes. He didn't get what Touma was trying to tell him and I could only have so much as a small clue to help me by.  
  
I guess I was trying to make small talk as my mind was traveling in all different directions and not the one it should have been going towards: Ryuichi.   
As I got up from the seat, my brother just let me without flinching an eye at how pained I looked. He didn't try to help me out.   
"You did this to yourself," he told me. "You get yourself out of it."  
  
At that, he took the cigarette from his mouth and dropped to the ground to crush it with his black shoes. Then, he turned around and I followed him as he walked without discretion towards the room where Ryuichi was.  
  
I always had to keep up my pace with him.  
He never stopped for anyone. Except Shuichi, of course.  
  
  
Ryu was in the IC unit.  
"Intensive care..." I mumbled in something that resembled shock and anger at the same time. I took a deep breath before going through the threshold of the private room.  
  
Silly as it was, I wanted to scream, "Who did this to my honey?!"  
(Shu's influence, I swear! * winks * Maybe not.)  
  
The wound to my side felt heavier and ached as if it resonated with Ryuichi's body. But I guess my brother had not noticed with all the confusion.  
Because I had been wearing black, the little splatters of blood didn't show as it would have on any other material. But it was running cold down one side over my hip.  
  
What could have caused all this? I didn't even want to ask anyone.  
I was avoiding what should have been-  
  
Ryuichi.  
  
My eyes wouldn't stop staring at him lying on a bed looking half-dead.  
A chill went down my spine as fear began to encompass me.  
  
My brother entered the room as the nurse just bowed her head and closed the door politely after herself. But I couldn't quite get myself past the back of the door. I stood there frozen as Shuichi looked at me while standing parallel to the white curtain that was needed in case a patient changed their clothing.  
Ryuichi had an oxygen mask with bandages wrapped on his head. His fingers were all covered with white bandages, but I could see the scratches that peaked through.  
His eyes were closed but no matter how much Shuichi had tried to clean his face before I came, it still had lots of cuts.  
Cuts that were still bleeding.  
  
He was dying...  
  
Why?  
  
"He's very unstable right now," Shuichi gravely said trying not to cry though his voice betrayed that he had already been doing that. "We won't know what's going on until a few hours."  
I watched him as he touched the linen of Ryuichi's bed and grasped it in his hand as he closed his eyes tightly.   
"H-how..." was all that I could say.  
  
"We were going to your father's when I found a crowd of people in front of our house." Shuichi said as he looked at the ground. Then, he came over me and squeezed my shoulder. "We went through the crowd to find Ryuichi in the middle of it. He was badly injured. And Sakano was going to get Touma, who was inside the house."  
"How did you know we were there?"  
"Touma," my brother answered as he looked at me. "He said to come immediately."  
  
Leave it to Touma to order Aniki without a reason.  
  
"Please don't think I'm rude, but can I be alone with Ryuichi right now?" I looked at both of them as they both nodded at me solemnly. When they exited, I said thank you. But without looking at me, Aniki patted my head and left without a word.  
  
Closing the door softly behind them, I locked it.  
  
Then, I walked towards Ryuichi's bed. Standing next to him, I ran my fingers through his hair. I placed my cheek close to it as I smelled his familiar scent and whispered to his ear, "I'm here, Ryu."  
  
Taking his hand in mine, I softly squeezed it as I found myself instantly crying.   
  
I was frustrated at the way things were and the way they were going.  
  
I was angry at why did this have to happen.  
  
I was feeling pity for both of us. Trying so hard to make ourselves part of each other's   
world when they were so different.  
  
I was happy that he loved me so much and that I loved him as much.  
  
I was fearful at what would happen if I lost him. Where would I go? Who would I be without him?  
  
He was the man I had been obsessed for so many years. My obsession was a part of me and to kill that...  
To kill that...  
My heart ached and I couldn't finish my thought.  
  
I started to sing softly to his ear, "Can't get enough...Don't let me down...Just one more night..."  
  
After some silence, I then whispered, "I know I've asked you for so much, Ryu. But please. Even when I was a kid, I thought you could do anything. I still believe that."  
  
  
I didn't want to ask why this had to happen.   
I only wanted to tell you how sorry I was for getting you into such a mess.  
  
Kissing his forehead, I stared at him with my blurry eyes.  
  
I couldn't even ask you, "Please. You need to stay alive. For me."  
I already asked this of you.  
  
In fact...  
You had volunteered it without me ever asking.  
  
I cried even harder at my offense.   
I could no longer see him through my tears as they fell on his cheek.  
  
  
And because of that, he was dying in front of me ever so slowly...  
  
  
  
Tsuzuku...  
--  
Author's note: My God. You guys should tell me that my grammar is terrible! ;_; I'm so horrible with that and proofreading! I'm glad you guys are so patient with me!  
Well, we're nearing the end. Even I wouldn't read this if this were too long. But, I guess I can't just get this done at 30...ack. I feel that if I rush it, important parts will be just glossed over.  
* blink, blink * How can you guys stand reading this when it's so long? Are you sure you aren't bored?* smiles *   
Thank you for being there... 


	31. Chapter 30 Liar

Disclaimer: Gravitation is made by Murakami Maki-sensei. I write this in deep appreciation and love for her and her characters. I hope that you enjoy this fanfic with as much love as I give it.  
  
Aching Desire  
(Nagareboshi 3)  
by Miyamoto Yui  
  
Chapter 30 – Liar.  
  
"Ryuichi. Dousurebaii?" I hung onto one side of his bed while lightly holding his fingers. Then, I placed my head on his shoulder and whispered to his ear. "Oshiete."  
  
I closed my eyes as I kissed his ear.   
  
My tears betrayed me even more as my right hand clenched onto his sheet. "I can't stand to see you this way, Ryuichi…"  
My voice became desparate and I felt that I was losing him in seconds as time ticked away. I gulped as my chest became heavy.   
I took a deep breath almost forgetting that you had to breath in order to stay alive.  
  
I shook my head slowly. "I won't ask for anything else. Just tell me you're all right."  
  
I took long, deep breaths, but I found myself lying my head on his shoulder as if we could both fit on that bed together. And if he weren't so sick, he'd probably challenge himself and take me here.   
I smiled slightly at the thought. At my hope.  
  
"I love you, Ryu…" I then took my head up and looked at him. Leaning forward, I tasted his lips.  
His kiss…  
  
It always tasted like sweet candy. A lime lollipop to be exact.  
But now, it was mixed with a taste of blood because of his cuts.  
  
"Don't leave me," I said with hand clenching onto his sheet again.   
  
But as soon as I said that, I started to feel angry towards him. I was mad at him for going to extremes and at myself for being so stubborn. And yet, these were things that made us crazy for one another.  
  
"You said you wouldn't you ever leave me!" I found myself shouting. Then, I let go of the sheet and stepped slowly away from his bed.  
  
With closed eyes filled with tears, like a child, I shouted with all my hurt, "LIAR!"  
  
My heart felt like it was being slashed through.   
Scar upon scar.  
  
Shh, shh.  
As I was about to turn around, Ryuichi's right hand fell off the bed.   
  
"Ryuichi?" My eyes widened as I saw a piece of paper fall noisily to the ground.  
  
Flap, flap, flap.  
  
I kneeled down and picked it up as well as placed his arm next to him. As I stood up straight, I unfolded this strangely folded paper feeling as if it was familiar to me.  
  
As I unfolded it, my lips quivered. And I closed my eyes for a moment to see if this was true.   
These words…  
"How did you ever get this?" I looked at the paper and at him in disbelief.  
  
[flashback]  
  
"This is so stupid," I said to myself as I slumped to the floor of my bedroom. "Why am I writing this? This is so dumb."  
  
I looked at the growing pile of unfinished fan letters to Ryuichi. And I wondered why the heck would he listen to a twelve year old in the first place.  
  
"I think you're really cool…" I mumbled as I wrote it down.  
Scribble, scribble.  
Crunch.   
  
"ARGH!" I crumpled it in between my hands and threw it into the trashcan. "That's not what I want to say. I want to say more!"  
I sighed as I tapped my pencil on the desk. "But if I put more, it'll sound like a love letter."  
My heart began to beat fast as the times I watched his videos. Or sang his songs.  
  
My eyes looked to the ground as I folded my hands somewhat after putting my pencil down. I turned around and leaned back to watch the window with the moonlight shining upon it.  
  
"Maybe it is," I smiled softly to myself.   
  
I looked at the poster hanging on the wall. The one where his hands reached out to you with those eyes that seemed as if they could eat you alive.  
  
I was feeling guilty.  
Was I supposed to feel that way? Was this normal?  
  
It was on that night that I wrote a poem about Ryuichi to Ryuichi. Only, I never sent it. Why? I lost it.  
  
The next day, I accidentally wandered into his room. And I blushed crimson with guilt at what I had just done the night before.  
He smiled at me…  
  
Selfishly, I wanted to keep that smile all to myself.  
  
I stared at the poster in front of me and knew that it was nothing compared to the real thing. The beauty I had seen in his full, flesh form…  
  
  
It was then that I knew that I had to find some way to reach Ryuichi…  
  
Even if it was impossible.  
  
  
[flashback end]  
  
  
I looked at Ryuichi and was startled to find him blinking in my direction. As if he were laughing, he smiled weakly at me.   
"You're so noisy," he laughed in fake annoyance. "And just _who_ are you calling a liar, Tatsu? Ore?"  
  
I shook my head and cried all over again as I tried my best to hug him while kissing him.  
  
While coughing, he held onto me and sang,   
"Can't get enough.   
Don't let me down.   
One more night."  
  
"I never lie," he firmly said at the end of the song.  
  
Then, he looked around worriedly.   
Only that one time when he thought I was leaving him after we made love did he ever give that look.  
  
"Where was it? The thing I was holding?" he asked breathlessly.  
"This?" I rose it up to his face.  
"That's my good luck charm." He smiled as he closed his eyes.  
  
I nodded. "But how did you get it?"  
  
He ignored my question as he took my hand and kissed the palm. "Take care of your father and Tsuki."  
  
My eyebrows touched as I shook my head. "Don't you dare talk to me that way, Ryu."  
  
Ryuichi reached out his hands as he caught my face and kissed me tenderly. We then opened our eyes and looked at one another.  
  
"Don't worry, Tatsu. I won't ever leave you." Ryu whispered to me. Then, he laughed, "You've got to give me at least that much credit."  
  
I smiled back at him; but at that moment, Ryu's hands fell from my face.  
  
"Ryu?" My face became pale as I blinked trying to deny what was happening. I took him into my arms and looked around in alarm with no words coming out of my mouth.  
  
He was unconscious again.  
  
As I took my hands away from his back, I stared in horror at the red tint spray painted on them.   
  
"RYU!!"  
  
  
  
Author's note: Oh my. I h-hope you guys aren't crying as much as I am. * blows nose *  
  
Dousurebaii – what should I do?  
Oshiete – tell me. 


	32. Chapter 31 antinostalgic

Disclaimer: Gravi is by Murakami-sensei.  
  
Aching Desire  
(Nagareboshi 3)  
by Miyamoto Yui  
  
Chapter 31 – anti-nostalgic.  
  
"Tatsuha-kun?! Open the door!" someone shouted outside and I gasped forgetting that I had locked the door…  
  
…contemplating of killing Ryuichi and myself in a mad rush…  
  
Jab, jab, jab.  
  
"Please open the door or else the hospital will have to call the police and you'll be restrained from seeing Ryuichi. Is that what you want?!"  
  
"Not see Ryuichi?" I whispered in my confusion as I found my voice again.  
  
Letting go of Ryuichi, I walked to the door and opened it. Nurses came in with a doctor as Hiro took a hold of my shoulders and shook me.  
  
"What are you _thinking_, Tatsuha?!" he shouted with his hands grasping onto my clothing in frustration.  
"I…I…" I looked at him not really knowing what I was saying because of shock and sleep-deprivation.  
He then bent his head down and sighed in relief. "Thank goodness you're all right."  
  
The nurses then said, "Please leave the room for a while. We have to check up on him."  
  
We went out and wandered to the cafeteria. I sat on a chair and Hiro got us coffee. As soon as he pulled his seat up, he sighed. Pushing the cup towards me, he patted my head.  
  
"Suguru would have come too, but he's very occupied right now in a meeting. He's standing in as Touma-san's representative."  
  
"Ah." I nodded as I took a sip on my coffee and placed it back on the table.  
  
Hiro sighed again. "You and Shuichi are alike."  
  
"You always say that," I laughed as I shook from nervousness while holding my cup with both of my hands.  
  
"Remember, before you, Shuichi, and I became best friends, I was the one stuck with Shuichi first." He laughed to himself as he drank his coffee.  
  
He said it in jest. 'Stuck', he says.   
But I knew. From the first time I saw that certain look in Hiro's eyes, I had figured it out. Shuichi had run into Hiro's arms shouting that he had finished his lyrics. Hiro was smiling and laughing while saying that he was so proud of him. But as soon as Shuichi went back to Aniki, Hiro's look betrayed him.  
For a second, I saw his longing…the same as my own as I had watched Ryuichi recording later on. Or rather, the crushed face I had whenever I looked at Ryuichi's poster wondering what was the matter with me for loving someone that I shouldn't.  
  
Though, I would never admit this to Hiro, Suguru, or Shuichi.  
  
"Everyone's worried about you, Tatsuha-kun. And Shuichi has been very loud about it. He's even in another slump." He pressed his fingers on his head in annoyance. "And you know how hard it is already for him."  
  
"We're no different." I slumped in my chair and sighed loudly. "Ryuichi…what if-"  
  
"Don't even _think_ about it," he said as he finished his coffee and firmly planted it on the table with a soft tap.  
  
But I knew, he was frustrated at seeing us all this way. He was always that sensitive.   
If it hurt someone he cared about, it became personal to the point that you wish he were blind to not read anything or anyone so well.  
  
You could not get anything past Hiro. He was just like Aniki that way.  
They only let you do what you wanted, as long as you didn't take it too far.  
  
Because if you did, they'd put you back in your place.  
Only, Hiro was much 'sweeter' and more gentle in this sense…  
  
At that moment, his tone softened and became calm as he had always been. "Tatsuha, do you believe in Ryuichi?"  
  
I gave him an incredulously look. "Of course I do! What kind of question is that?"  
  
"Then show him you do." He looked at me with thoughtful eyes full of strength.   
  
"I am!"  
  
"Are you sure?" His eyebrow rose.  
  
I was grinning a bit. Hiro being with Suguru had made him even more shrewd.  
  
"Yes," I calmly answered while drinking my coffee again. "It's just that-"  
  
"You don't know what the hell do, right?" He then smiled and shook his head. "You and Shuichi. Always the same question."  
  
"I'm not going to tell you what to do," he continued. "But, remember this, Tatsuha. You and Ryuichi have something that no one could ever break. It can't be filled with any kind of insecurity. Ryuichi has told and shown you that."  
  
"Hiro…"   
  
"He's stubborn like a kid that way. Reminds me of certain people…" his look became strange once more. The same as when Shuichi let go of him and went to my Aniki.  
  
Then, he smiled again as he pushed his seat and got up. He patted my head once more. "I'm going to go smoke outside."  
  
I nodded as I caught his hand in mid-air. "Thanks, Hiro."  
  
He poked me on the forehead playfully and smiled with assurance. "You go and do what you have to do. Why? Because Ryuichi can't die if you're not there to meet him."  
  
Looking deeply into my eyes, he told me, "You can't love someone that much and let them down. It just doesn't work that way. Despite any circumstances."  
  
I gave him a wistful smile as I blinked my eyes trying so hard not to cry. "You always know what to say and do, don't you, Hiro?"  
  
I let go of his hand.  
  
"Nope." He glanced down at me. "If I did, I wouldn't love 'Anti-Nostalgic' as much as I do."  
  
He then turned around and headed out the door into the patio.  
  
You come all the way here to tell me this…  
You're just as crazy as we are, just not as demonstrative or vocal.  
  
Yes, I've always known why Shuichi loved you just as much…  
  
You're always trying to cover up with your cool and quiet attitude all the disorder that Shuichi gives to your life.  
  
  
"I know," I said after him. "I've always known."  
  
The time when Shuichi started talking to Aniki about his lyrics, Hiro was practicing his guitar. He started to play "Anti-Nostalgic".  
Aniki gave him a knowing look, but Shuichi was oblivious to this silent fight.  
Hiro looked at Aniki and tapped his foot to the song. He was good at acting his part as the dutiful best friend. Hiro didn't give any indication of doing it on purpose.   
Even I was confused on what was going on.   
  
"Toumei ga…" Hiro began to sing.  
  
Shuichi then ran to Hiro and sang along with him…  
  
That was the only thing that could capture Shuichi.  
His song. Hiro's quiet feelings without a prayer or a true voice to tell the person he truly cared for. He could only camouflage it in a song so that Shuichi would never figure it out.  
  
  
I took the last sip of my coffee, got up and threw away the cup into the trashcan.   
  
I had to find the words that would make me just as strong as Hiro.  
I had to believe in Ryuichi…  
  
  
Clenching my hands as I left the cafeteria, I pointed myself towards the entrance of the hospital.  
  
  
I was going to pay a visit to my father.  
  
  
Tsuzuku…  
--  
Author's note: Okay, finally, I got Hiro in here! Yahoo~!  
I tried to bring the Gravi characters together as much as I could. Even if they didn't appear as long as they could have, they were still very important to Tatsuha's 'journey to the end of this fic'.  
And yes! I'm out of the slump!!!! I know the ending to this fic!!!!  
  
(BTW, if you ever need the translation to Anti-Nostalgic, I made one, but I forgot to give it to anime lyrics.com, I think…)  
  
toumei - transparent 


	33. Chapter 32 Kimi ni

Disclaimer: Gravitation is by Maki Murakami-sensei. I love Ryuichi, so I write about him. I've learned to love Tatsuha along the way.  
  
Aching Desire  
(Nagareboshi 3)  
By Miyamoto Yui  
  
Chapter 32 – Kimi Ni. (To You.)  
  
Idiots never think about their physical pain when they're distracted. I forgot about my rib in all the commotion.   
But as soon as I called for Makoto to come pick me up, it came back relentlessly. And the blood was stiffening coldly.  
I wondered if I had stained Aniki's car or Ryuichi's shirt with my blood.  
  
Makoto pulled up, but I held my hand up. The one still painted with my Ryu's blood.   
Grim, wasn't it?  
  
I was not ashamed to show how far I had to go to make my point.  
I did the easy part…it was Ryuichi who did all the special tricks to get me to wherever I needed to go.  
  
I went into the car and stared at the mirror as Makoto looked back at me just as long.  
He knew there was something different.  
  
I did too.  
  
I knew what I was doing.  
In all these weeks of pandemonium, I finally saw where I was going and what I needed to do in order to get there.  
  
I laughed to myself as the car drove onto the main road. Rolling down my window, I smiled.   
  
How easily Hiro had answered my questions.  
But how could I have expected less from him?  
  
"How is my father?" I asked with concern as if this whole mess had never happened.  
  
"He's still hanging in there." Makoto turned the corner. "He's still breathing for one thing."  
"Just as sarcastic as always," I commented and sighed in relief. "I'm glad."  
  
"Touma-san has left the house."   
I glanced in his direction. "And Sakano-san?"  
"Left with Touma-san."  
I nodded.  
  
It might as well have been that way. If things had gotten out of hand and Sakano-san wasn't there to mediate what he did, I would have been very afraid.  
  
I looked at my side. The one that Touma marked on.  
  
I deserved it.  
It just made me more determined.  
  
I patted Makoto's shoulder. "You're always the go-betweener," I sighed.  
  
"It's all part of the job."  
  
With that, he glanced at the window. Showing some other face than a poker one made me worry.  
  
"What do you know about Aniki and Touma-san?" I blurted out.  
  
Silence.  
  
I hadn't expected an answer anyway.  
  
***  
  
When we pulled up, I let myself out as Makoto opened the front gate and motioned for me to go inside. Without anyone following me, I made my way to my father's room without hesitation.  
I wasn't going to scream.  
I wasn't going to prove to him what had changed in me.  
  
I was going there as his son.  
Even if I had disowned myself.  
  
Knock, knock.  
  
"Come in," said one of the maids named Irene.   
As I opened the door, she nodded her head at me and looked at my father.   
  
"Can I be alone with my father?" I asked as I watched her tuck him safely into his bed with a large comforter snuggling his body.  
The one masked with an oxygen tank next to him.  
  
My father's dark eyes weakly looked at me. He nodded his head a bit and Irene left with a bow while closing the door behind her.  
  
My opening line: "I don't want to fight anymore, Father."  
  
I walked towards him while still watching him watching me as he breathed heavily. "I've had enough of this. Please…"  
  
He blinked his eyes as he patted my hand. Father then pointed his finger at his desk.   
I walked over to the desk and picked up the note done on a stationary that had been custom-made by yours truly on Father's day when I was in Kindergarten.  
  
Everyone's just out to make me cry with what I gave them a long time ago, aren't they?  
  
It was one where I drew all these black and white Go pieces because I didn't know how to draw at the time. The only thing I could do was think of 'Daddy's favorite game'.  
  
In my father's writing, it said,   
"Dear Tatsuha,   
  
If you ever had to read this, then again I believe that there must have been a damn good reason for it. I had chosen to keep this quiet all these years and even your mother only knows tidbits of it. Only what I've told her.  
But I'm telling this to you because I see that you're heading the same direction as someone I once knew. You think that I don't understand when in fact, I may know more than I'd like to disclose.  
  
(Aniki did inherit his bluntness, I must say. They speak the same way.)  
  
Because you are the youngest, the heir, and my most treasured child (don't tell your brother or sister that * ha ha *), I'm telling you something that only two people in the world know.  
And now, you.  
  
I made this tape along with this letter so that someday, if I couldn't ever tell you to your face, I hope you'd forgive me for what I've done. Sincerely, your father."  
  
I glanced at the old cassette player I used to own. The blackness mixed with so many scratch marks. I wondered how it had lasted this long with all my abuse and Ryuichi's singing.  
  
I put the tape into the deck and adjusted the volume. Then, I sat on the chair next to my father not knowing what to expect.   
I, at first, expected that it would be my father's voice. But no, it was a song playing with a man's soothing voice singing,  
  
"While the rain was pouring, I thought of you.  
You were whispering to me.  
I looked around and you disappeared,  
But I still can hear your voice.  
'Why did you do it? What were you thinking?'  
I told the boy when he asked me,  
'I'll never come again.'  
  
Never looking back at him,  
It's a world that has separated us,  
We've got to go back to reality.  
Pushing the crowd of people,  
I knew what you were wondering,  
'Why did we ever fall for one another  
when it was destined to fall apart?'  
  
I wondered what the hell was happening,  
When I began to sing and looked your way  
You gave me a cruel look,  
I wanted to tear it off.  
Then you come and visit me,  
Telling me you're my fan.  
'Why are you telling me this? Aren't you ashamed?'  
And you looked at me to say,  
"Why would I be?"  
  
Never looking back at him,  
It's a world that has separated us,  
We've got to go back to reality.  
Pushing the crowd of people,  
I knew what you were wondering,  
'Why did we even fall for one another  
when it was destined to fall apart?'  
  
[instrumental]  
  
Just fade away.  
Can that happen so easily?  
  
Kept the secret from leaking endlessly,  
I told you I would forget you.  
You told me I was weak,  
And you were so right.  
  
  
You never looked back at me again.  
It's this world that has separated us,  
We've got to go back to where we come from.  
Pushing through the crowd of people,  
You knew what I was saying,  
'It's easier to kill yourself   
than for me to tell you what I did.'  
  
Don't believe  
In what you see.  
(We've got to go back to reality.)  
  
Everywhere you look  
They'll tell you sweet lies.  
(See through mine.)  
  
Don't believe   
In what you see.  
(We've got to go back to reality.)"  
  
(I never thought my father listened to music such as this. He always listened to Enka and that 'Apple Song' by that idol singer of old.)  
  
Ever heard of that song, Tatsuha? * laughs * Maybe not. They don't play it as much as they used to. It was one by someone called 'Shinya'.  
  
I met Shinya a long time ago. In a concert that he was giving, the first I had ever gone to, I bought a ticket. But even if it was a front row ticket, I stood at the back with my arms folded because I was upset at the girl that had stood me up.  
I couldn't really blame your mother though. It was raining relentlessly outside and you know how she had the habit of always being late.  
When Shinya got on the stage, I watched this man with golden hair take his microphone into his hands and waved at the crowd. Before, the fans weren't crazy as they were now. We clapped and shouted, but weren't as rowdy as you had been when you came home from your first Sakuma Ryuichi concert.  
I remembered looking at the ground with the carpeted red in different patterns done in black lines. I was very mad at your mother for being late. Again.  
When I looked up, Shinya had started singing his hit song at the time, "Sekai ga."  
  
As much as I liked him, he was so cold.   
And his lyrics showed this, despite his awesome songs.  
  
But my opinion of him changed instantly as I found him reaching out his hand towards me. I thought it was because he was pumping up the crowd.  
  
No. It wasn't.  
  
Without a care, he stared at me and winked his eye at me.   
  
The girls started to die in front of him at his teasing.  
  
I opened my eyes in alarm as all this happened in the back of my mind while watching him. Mesmerized by this man's charm over his audience.  
  
And throughout the concert, I stopped being mad and enjoyed it because I was there anyway. Not wet and with great music around me.  
  
I loved music just as you, your brother, and your sister. You don't remember that I used to sing that song to you when you guys were little.  
I stopped singing when you were able to remember the words. You were the reason I stopped. You started to sing along with me and I feared your mother would think I was cruel for it.  
I guess I was just guilty.   
  
I was.  
  
  
By the end of the concert, I was taken aback. I don't know why, but I wanted to tell him how great he was. How through his singing, maybe I could also find something do with my life.  
I was already eighteen and going to college with no real direction. Your grandparents were so mad at me for that.  
  
I don't know how I did it, but I was able to lie my way through to see this person named 'Shinya.'  
'I'm your fan,' I blurted out. Smooth wasn't I?  
He looked at me and laughed. 'You're cute.'  
I held my head back in surprise. 'Cute?"  
  
I wasn't 'cute'. You don't call a guy 'cute' unless you're a girl, right?  
  
He then shook his head and ran his fingers through his hair as he motioned for me to enter his dressing room. I sat on a chair he pulled out for me.  
  
Without discretion, he stood in front of a mirror. But he was watching me with his eyes and smirk through the reflection of the mirror.  
'Sounds like you more than admire me.' But it wasn't said in an egotistical way.   
  
'Excuse me?' I gulped not knowing what was happening.  
  
'Why are you telling me this? Aren't you ashamed?' he said as he turned around to watch me.  
  
'I think you're great, Shinya-san.' I announced.  
  
But at that moment, when I looked at him, I knew that he had caught on and I was trying to catch up to what my heart was already telling me.  
  
I went to all his concerts from then on and we would meet occasionally.  
The more I went out with him, the more I knew that there was something wrong.   
  
When we were talking backstage, I told him how I was feeling. He took up my chin and gave me a clear look.  
Again, he asked me. 'Why are you telling me this? Aren't you ashamed?'   
  
'Because I love you,' I found myself saying.  
  
'And this is the part where I should say goodbye, isn't it?' he asked me as he still held my chin.  
  
'I'm going to marry that girl.' I turned my head away from him and looked at the ground.  
  
'But you love me,' he answered without hesitation.  
  
Silence.  
  
'You're always gone. You can't stay in one place. I can't always go to wherever you are, no matter how much you spoil me.' I pleaded. 'I've been doing that for four years already and I've got to stop this.'  
  
He leaned forward to my ear to whisper, 'Don't lie to me.'  
  
I stepped back and gave him a stern look. 'We can't do this anymore. I am heir to my father's temple. And you're just getting more and more famous.'  
  
(My eyes opened widely as I stared at my father with his sleeping eyes.  
What? What was I hearing???)  
  
'Then do what makes you happy,' he told me with a grave voice.  
  
Then, he picked up my chin again and stared into my eyes. 'But don't you dare look back.'  
  
He pushed me away and laughed. 'You thought I was serious about you, didn't I?'  
  
'Huh?' I looked at him in confusion.  
  
'I was trying to figure out if I was a good actor,' he blinked his eyes as he remained looking at me and my reaction. 'I needed some fun and you were there being cute.'  
  
'For four years?'  
  
'For as long as you could stay,' he answered back just as sharply.  
  
'Why did you do it? What were you thinking?' I questioned as I looked back at him in disbelief not knowing what to believe anymore.   
  
'I'll never come back.' He told me. 'I'll never come back to you.'  
  
As I was turning around, he hugged me from behind and I didn't know what was going on.  
  
But, I wouldn't look back. I left in the pouring rain not able to cry at all.  
I was so angry at him that I boycotted him. I sold all my cds and threw all the little momentos he gave me.  
He was gone from my life. That was that.  
  
I got married to your mother later that year.  
  
And around the time your sister was born, he made the song. That song called 'Kimi ni'.  
  
I accidentally heard it as I was passing a music store trying to buy groceries for my family.  
The coldness in his songs all these years melted. I could hear it in his voice.  
  
The man who had pushed me away…  
I only realized then what he had done for me.  
  
He pushed me away to save me.  
  
* takes a deep breath *  
  
And I sang this song to you and you forgot it. As it should be.  
  
So, if you hear this tape, I'm probably warning you of the mistake I made…  
Or didn't.  
I watched you grow up. And now, you are fourteen and a half.  
  
And in love with Sakuma Ryuichi even though you don't know it yet.  
  
I saw myself through you and I didn't want you to feel what I did.  
So, I want you to marry that girl Tsuki someday because she was your best friend. But when she becomes pregnant, take good care of her as your wife.  
  
Her mom almost lost her because she was so sickly.  
I hope Tsuki will not follow her mother.  
  
But, my worries will cease, won't they Tatsuha?   
You've never let me down. You've always made me proud.  
  
(I began to cry as I looked at my father.)  
  
But you know what? He couldn't leave me alone. 'Kimi ni' became a number one song, but it was also his last.  
He packed up his guitar and became a business man.  
  
I became a monk that hated rock music as the years went by.  
  
And when I looked at his son, years later, I was reminded of him. Eiri will never forgive me, I know. Touma will never forgive me for trying to separate him and Eiri.  
  
But I saw the past coming back. I just couldn't bear it.  
  
* pause *  
  
Please keep this as a secret between us.   
Promise me you'll be quiet about all this.  
  
(I nodded my head.)  
  
  
You know him, Tatsuha.  
  
(My flustered looked from side to side.   
"I do?")  
  
  
You see…  
The one name Shinya…  
  
He is Seguchi Touma's father.  
  
  
But my son, if I cause you grief in the future over this, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for your confusion.  
Please understand how much I love you.  
  
* end of tape *"  
  
  
Nothing could have prepared me for anything like this. Nothing at all.  
  
I stared at my father in disbelief as I found him sleeping with the oxygen mask still over his mouth.  
I felt like a big burden had been lifted as I stared at him. At the same time, I felt pity with new pain washing inside of me.  
  
"That's why…" I whispered in realization.  
  
  
I couldn't stay mad at my father.  
Not after that.  
  
I thought he was sleeping, but then, he opened his eyes and patted my hand. "You can go to Sakuma-san now."  
  
In a firm grip, he then said, "But if he ever breaks your heart, tell him I will haunt him and torture him if he does anything to my Tatsuha."  
  
That's right, I was my father's boy first.  
  
I nodded my head as I hugged my father. "Thank you…"  
  
Then, with my hand on my side, I ran down the stairs and made my way to Ryuichi, who was just waiting for me to get to him.  
  
And in a sense, yes, I finally saw myself making it there.  
  
  
The last of my insecurity melted away.  
I had finally and truly felt that I had caught my Nagareboshi.  
  
  
Tsuzuku.  
  
--  
Author's note: Yea! I'm glad that this came flooding into my brain so that we can finally enjoy our happy ending. Hee.   
And you know what? This is one of my favorite chapters. I hope you liked it. It took me two and a half hours to do and I finished it at 3:00 am.  
  
And now, we can finally proceed to the end after this plot twist. I hope you have enjoyed this fic so far because I think the pay off was from you the readers and this chapter.  
  
I specifically picked the name 'Shinya' because I love Shinya from Luna Sea. ^_^v  
  
Sekai ga – the world is 


	34. Chapter 33 Insecurity

Disclaimer: Gravitation is by Maki Murakami-sensei. This is a form of love and appreciation to her for this work. I can only hope it's worthy.  
  
  
Aching Desire  
(Nagareboshi 3)  
by miyamoto yui  
  
  
Chapter 33 – Insecurity.  
  
As I walked quickly out of the front door, I was a little surprised to find it dark. I smiled though I cringed a bit as my side hurt.  
  
When I opened the front gate, someone held their arm out to me. "And just where do you think you're going?"  
  
The person turned around and faced me. "Hello, Tatsuha."  
  
"Suguru!" I shouted with surprise. "What are you doing here? Hiro said you were filling in for Touma-san at a meeting."  
  
He peered down to my side. "You explain about that first."  
  
"You never miss much." I sighed.  
  
We walked towards his car.   
After he closed his door, he looked to the back. As he drove onto the street, he asked, "So, what's happened?"  
  
"Simple question. Complicated answer," I sighed as I glanced at him.  
  
"I knew my cousin came here even though he tried not to tell me. But I knew better. So, I just looked at the proposal, rejected it due to various reasons, and came here. I can't believe they wasted my time."   
He kept his hands on the steering wheel and turned. "I came to the hospital and found out the story."  
  
"I didn't tell anyone where I went."  
  
He poked my head with his eyes still on the road. That was something he definitely learned from Hiro.  
"You are as predictable as night and day, Tatsuha," he answered matter-of-factly. Then he laughed, "Unfortunately, because we love you, you can never _ever_ run away from us."  
  
"Touma-san pushed me to the wall when he went on zero-mode." I looked down to the floor. "And this was the result."  
  
"Ah."  
  
"Why did you pick me up?" I asked as I leaned back on the seat.  
  
His hand twitched a bit. "I had to tell you something."  
  
Then, he sighed as he took out a cigarette from his jacket pocket. It was a habit he had recently picked up when he was truly stressed.   
"It was better than popping a vein and shouting like a little kid," he had once told me.  
  
"You didn't have to run away, Tatsuha."   
  
Then, he got off the road. Suguru parked and stopped the engine.   
Turning to me, he patted my shoulder gently. "I know you thought it was for the best, but you've got to understand that there is also another person when you love someone."  
  
I looked at him deeply as he faced the road again and leaned back in his seat with his hands folded. With a thoughtful look, he finally said through the silence, "It would be an almost perfect world if everyone we loved, loved us back. Then, there would be no poems or songs about unrequited love."  
  
He turned to me again with a saddened face. "But no. Things don't happen that way."  
  
Weirdly, he didn't smoke the cigarettes. Suguru looked at them intently.  
  
"Did you know that these are Hiro's favorite brand?" he questioned as he chuckled a bit.  
  
I shook my head. I never noticed it at all.  
I only knew what my brother smoked.  
  
Then, he told me:  
"I told him, 'You can't always help Shuichi out. There will come a time when you won't have an answer for him, Hiro.'  
He looked at me in shock as he strung his guitar.  
  
Everyone had left the studio and we were left there.   
I didn't do it out of jealousy. I did it because I couldn't bear seeing him that way while playing 'Anti-Nostalgic'."  
  
  
At that moment I blinked my eyes even though Suguru avoided my gaze.  
  
  
After a deep sigh and rubbing the cigarette box gently with his fingers, he continued:  
  
"He looked at me with nothing to say and so we sat there in silence.  
It seemed like an eternity and I was feeling uneasy.  
  
But because I wanted to be honest with him, I told him with my eyes still holding their gaze on him, 'Shuichi doesn't love you, Hiro.'  
  
In those stupid dramas or movies, this was just one of those perfect scenes. Go for the person on the rebound.   
But I couldn't do that. I played fair.  
  
He knew that as well as I did.  
How I was. How Shuichi was.  
  
As I got up, he grabbed my hand. I looked at him plainly, annoyed almost. 'Yes?'  
'And you obviously do,' he responded.  
  
But it held no emotion. He didn't say it as if it were good.  
Yet, he didn't say it as if it were bad either.  
  
That didn't help me on my next move.  
  
It was my turn to be surprised.  
He had known all along. Even with my poker face, he knew.  
  
I think that's why I loved him so much. He was just quietly observant like that.  
  
'Let go of me,' I commanded while twisting my wrist free.   
  
More than anything, to hurt my pride was equal to death itself.  
  
'No,' he stubbornly said.  
  
Something I had not expected at all because this was Hiro, right? Calm and cool as always. He never can betray his emotions or be impolite unless provoked.  
  
Then, he grabbed me and hugged my waist. He wasn't crying, but that was because he couldn't anymore. He was thinking.  
I just knelt down and hugged him."  
  
Suguru looked up towards me and smiled melancholically as I sighed.   
He had tears in his eyes.  
  
His voice cracked as he gulped. "Even when he tells me not to worry, I still do. Even though it hurt my pride, I chose to be with Hiro."  
  
With a sigh, he tried to keep the quivering smile as he said, "I'll always feel like I'm second to Shuichi."  
  
That stabbed my heart…  
I took a deep breath as I looked away.  
  
"Because I cannot erase that. Shuichi is a part of him already." Then, he patted my hand. "Like you are part of Ryuichi. And Ryuichi is a part of you."  
  
It all finally made sense to me.  
When I heard what my father and Suguru had said, it was then that I knew why I had done everything to push Ryuichi away from me, no matter how painful it was to the both of us.  
  
Sometimes, I just needed to see things from the outside…  
Why had I been so stupid…  
Telling Ryuichi that he lied about being with me for always.  
  
When all this time, I knew…  
It was because of my own insecurity.  
  
After that long silence, I then said to Suguru, "It was because I thought all this time, 'Why did he have to be with me? Of all the people in the freakin' world, why'd he have to choose this fan?'"   
I clenched my hands as if that would help what I wanted to say. "I wasn't worthy of being with him. That's what went through my mind all the time.   
And no matter how stupid it sounded, it always bothered me. It depressed me even though he would tell me a billion times over the phone or to my ear that he loved me. I felt like I was bringing him down. The idol of Japan would drop everything just to have…me."  
  
I shook my head, "Something inside me wouldn't believe it."  
  
Suguru replied, "You made Ryuichi a better person. You should have heard the stories about how stressed Touma was over Ryuichi being even more reckless than he was before."  
  
"…" I couldn't think of anything to reply with.  
  
So, we sat there again not saying anything to one another. Then, Suguru turned on the engine again and drove on.  
  
All he could say was,   
"But Ryuichi returns your love."   
  
  
As we drove into the parking lot, I finally thought of a response to tell Suguru.   
  
"Thank you," I told him as I got out of the car.  
Across the roof, he looked back at me and answered, "No problem."  
  
We walked towards the hospital. While thinking of my father, I sighed as I repeated Suguru's own words to him:  
  
"It _would_ be an almost perfect world if everyone we loved, loved us back. Then, there would be no poems or songs about unrequited love."  
  
I then added as I glanced at him, "But that would be sad. Love wouldn't mean as much, now would it? You are the only one who tells yourself if you want to become stronger or weaker because of it."  
  
He nodded solemnly.   
  
As we walked down the hall towards Ryuichi's door, Suguru gave me an extra, yet light push with a smile on his face. He didn't have to tell me anything anymore.  
I could see it on his face, but then he put his hands into his pockets as he turned around to leave.  
  
"Hey, wait. Where are you going?" I asked confused.  
  
"Home," he answered quietly.   
With a shy smile, he then said, "Hiro's waiting for me."  
  
I nodded as he turned around to go.  
  
He does love you, Suguru.  
You just don't see it yet…  
  
  
I turned around and we went our separate ways.  
  
We were both the almost the same age. And yet, the levels we walked upon were at different paths of life.  
  
Because of who we were,   
what and who we loved,   
and what loved us back or not…  
  
It made us mature in these two years alone  
To what we had become and will be in the future.  
  
  
I then took a hold of the knob of Ryuichi's room.  
  
  
Tsuzuku…  
--  
Author's note: I didn't know I put 'you liar' from zetsuai until the next chapter. It kind of upset me that I used someone else's idea. * sighs * Trying to be so original and then that happened. Yes, I know I'm very harsh to myself, but I know that's one of the reasons why I write and you read. There's something different…  
Sorry for the delay as usual and I left, but so many things came up. And when you expect so much from a fic…well, it's nerve-racking. It doesn't help that it takes me super long to do this fic. I'm slow like that. I just hope I'm able to pull it off.   
(Oh, and this is to you the fanboy of Suguru. ^_~) 


	35. Chapter 34 Anata ni matte iru

Disclaimer: Yui doesn't own Gravi. Zetsuai's by Minami Ozaki-sama.  
  
Aching Desire  
(nagareboshi 3)  
by Miyamoto Yui  
  
  
Chapter 34 – Anata ni matte iru. (Waiting for you.)  
  
  
When I opened the door, my mouth opened a little as my eyes became wide with worry. There I found the pink genki ball with his head buried in his arms while sobbing.  
  
I looked from side to side to find no one else there.  
  
As I pushed the curtain away, my whole body became unfeeling as I saw a towel cover the head of which was supposed to be my Ryuichi.  
  
I took a deep breath, but my knees fell to the floor like a puppet on stage that had been dropped by their master.   
Barely audible, I asked, "Ryuichi?"  
  
Shuichi moved his head from side to side without noticing me. "Ryuichi~! Ryuichi~! I can't believe it. Oh, yes I can but-"  
  
In a single moment of shock, fear, and anger all encompassed into one, I shouted, "WHAT HAPPENED?!"   
  
"Huh?" Shuichi's head turned towards mine in confusion.  
  
At that moment, my head fell and I watched the ground with my wide eyes staring blankly.   
  
Time was standing still.  
You might as well kill me now.  
  
My father's song repeated, "Why did we ever fall for one another when it was destined to fall apart?"  
  
  
In a daze, I lifted my head. I found the person sitting up on Ryuichi's bed wasn't my honey at all!   
  
"Boo," my brother said with a monotonous voice and a deadpan look to accompany it.  
  
I shouted in surprise and anger, "ANIKI?!"  
  
I tore my hair out for a second and then I grabbed his shoulders. "What the hell did you do THAT for?!"  
  
Shuichi burst out laughing his head off. I gave him a sharp look.  
  
"That's what you get for leaving without telling us," Shuichi said as he stood up and folded his arms together.  
  
I let go as Aniki smirked while he got out of the bed fully dressed in his blue suit.   
As he messed up my hair, he said, "That's what you get for being insecure."  
  
Then, we walked out of the room.  
  
I followed them slowly as Shuichi punched Aniki's shoulder. He laughed, "He looked like he was going to have a heart attack! I told you we shouldn't have done that!"  
  
Geh.  
Why did he always know what the true problem was?  
  
  
"Because I'm your brother," Aniki answered as he glanced back at me.  
  
I sighed as I stuck my head out.  
  
Suguru was right. I'd never get away.  
  
  
We reached Ryuichi's real room and Aniki and Shuichi waved bye to me.  
  
"Aren't you going in?" I asked while motioning them to come inside and visit Ryuichi.  
  
Aniki shook his head as Shuichi answered, "Already did. You took so long that everyone already left."  
  
I smiled as I gave a sigh of relief. "Hey, I have a question before you two leave."  
  
"Yes?" Shuichi asked.  
  
"Did Suguru have anything to do with this?"  
  
"He was the one who said, 'I'll lead him to the door.'" Aniki smirked as he started to get out a pack of cigarettes from his jacket pocket. "And I made up the rest to teach you a lesson."  
  
I eyed him. Then, I smiled again. "Thanks, you guys."  
  
Shuichi shook his head as Aniki lifted up his chin.  
  
"Hey, you." Aniki pointed at my side. "Get that fixed up."  
  
Shaking my head, I smiled. "You just know everything, don't you?"  
  
"You know it." He nodded his head.  
  
As they turned around, Shuichi took the cigarette and pouted until Aniki's shoulders shrugged. When they turned the corner, he smiled at Shuichi even though Shuichi was still complaining.  
  
I shook my head. "They're perfect for each other."  
  
I took a deep breath as I went up to a nurse and got myself checked…  
  
A few hours later, I was fortunate to find that nothing was broken. Almost, but not quite…  
And I'll just be happy at that. ^^;;;  
  
When I got out, I went directly to Ryuichi's room at about midnight. The nurse who was at the counter stopped me to ask, "Do you know who-Oh, hello Mr. Uesugi. Please do enter."  
  
I nodded my head hesitantly with a thank you.  
  
Then, I turned towards the door and took a hold of the knob. As soon as I entered the threshold, I closed the door and fell back onto it.  
There was Ryuichi with a bandage over his forehead (it might as well have been a white bandanna of his) and he hugged Kumogorou in his lap. Even though he was injured and bandaged, he asked with a smile, "What took you so long?"  
  
My lip quivered as I shook my head. "Wasn't that what I asked you two years ago? In the studio?"  
  
"It's my turn," he said as he put Kumogorou onto the stand next to his bed and it faced the window.  
With his arms out, he sighed, "Well, what are you waiting for? I told you just wait a moment. I'd be back for you."  
  
I closed my eyes and opened them again to make sure I wasn't dreaming. Then, I went to him and hugged him. As I rested my head on his shoulder, he whispered, "You never believe me when I say I'll wait for you."  
I shook my head. "No, no. I understand now."  
  
With my father's secret within me, I held him tighter. "My father told me a story about a singer who fell in love with his fan. But the fan didn't know if he could ever return those feelings."  
  
"Sounds like a manga to me," he laughed as he kissed my forehead while still holding me. "Zetsuai to be exact."  
  
I chuckled. "It sure does, doesn't it?"  
  
"But what happened to the singer and the fan?" Ryuichi asked.  
  
"They weren't able to be together because they came from two different kinds of worlds." I sighed. "It was really depressing to hear everything."  
  
Ryuichi then seriously said, "But that isn't our story, Tatsuha."  
  
I turned my face to look into his. He didn't look at me directly, but I could see his deep concentration.  
  
"Are you really sure, Ryuichi?"  
  
My heart beat faster and faster as I looked deeply into his eyes. Honestly, I questioned, "How long were you planning to keep me?"  
  
"For as long as you could stay."  
  
I was dumbfounded because he had answered the same way Touma's father had. "Why…did you answer that way?"  
  
"All this time, I thought you shouldn't be with me, Tatsuha," he explained. "I had exposed you to the press and people harass you all the time though you never tell me. I found out from Shuichi and the others. You try to ignore it, but I keep on saying 'he leads a quiet life, so why are you messing it up for him, Ryuichi?'"  
  
  
I started to cry as I grabbed onto his shirt while whispering. "You're so stupid…"  
  
All this time I had thought that I wasn't worthy enough. And all this time, he thought that he was messing things up for me.  
How alike we were…  
  
"Why am I stupid?" he asked curiously with bewilderment in his voice.  
  
"Because you always think too much about me."  
  
He sighed as he smiled at me. "That's not a bad thing."  
  
"Oww…" I responded as he held my side.  
  
"Is that where Touma hurt you?" His eyes became slits. Then, he sighed. "We will have a nice chat after all this."  
  
"Don't be too mad at him. He was trying to help me get back to you." I patted his back as I put my head again on his shoulder.  
  
"Which is why we're still friends and he's still breathing."  
  
I gave him an incredulous look. "You would do that to your own friend?"  
  
With his hands on my face, he looked into my eyes. "I'd give my soul to the devil himself if it meant that I could have you, Tatsuha."  
  
"You scare me when you say things like that, Ryuichi."  
  
He didn't say anything.   
  
But it didn't disturb me anymore when I looked at his determined face. The one that told me he was confident about one thing: Me.  
  
It was then that I took my head away from his shoulder. I lifted myself onto his bed and put both of my legs on each side of him. Looking directly at him, I tilted my head and playfully looked at the doorway.  
  
"Tatsuha…what are you doing?" He smiled at me as he held my waist.  
  
I leaned forward and bit his ear even though my side hurt a little from the twisting. Whispering into his ear, I answered, "You know _exactly_ what I'm doing, honey."  
  
"Ohh…" He laughed quietly.  
  
It was the worst if I called him 'honey' because that meant that he couldn't resist me no matter what I did.  
  
"But what if a nurse comes in here to check on me?" he asked while blinking at me.  
  
I chuckled at our role reversal. Pulling his collar, I replied, "That's the fun part, though."  
  
"Are you challenging me, Tatsuha?" Pushing off my jacket and shirt carefully, he continued, "Because you know I like challenges."  
  
As I took my hands and began to feel his hips, I leaned closer to him. "I know everything you like."  
  
At that, he pulled my neck to kiss me on the lips as I pulled down the hospital gown.  
  
"Ryuichi…" I breathlessly said as soon as he turned me over and looked down at me.  
  
His body fell on to mine and I panted in pain trying to be as quiet as possible. My fingers grated into his body and he didn't even flinch.   
My mouth pressed onto his shoulder as my shouts became muffled.  
  
Then, he stopped to look at me once again. I watched him as his arms supported his weight above me.  
  
"Ryuichi, what would you have done if you had never met me?"  
  
Slipping onto my body, he rested his head on my shoulder with his hair tickling me. Softly, he answered between breaths, "I would have always been lonely."  
  
Like a little kid, his lip quivered. "I waited for you to grow up, Tatsuha."  
  
"You did?" I blinked my eyes.  
  
"That's why Touma had a close watch over you all this time. I told him to. He sent me pictures and everything about how you were doing from his brother." He shook his head. "When you entered my room accidentally years ago, I always looked for you. In my dreams, if I was in Tokyo, everywhere. I lied about forgetting your face, Tatsuha."  
  
"I never forgot," he continued. "For many nights, I kept on thinking I was some pervert always wanting you even though you were so many years younger than I was."   
  
He began to cry as his tears melted into my skin. "I waited for you to grow up all this time. I kept on singing so that you would know who I was, even though you didn't know I was singing them all for you."  
  
"That was why almost all your songs were bittersweet after I met you…" I mumbled in disbelief.  
  
"So, when you came to the studio that day, I knew I could finally talk to you. After all these years, I wondered about meeting you again" He smiled brightly. "You couldn't imagine how happy I was that Touma found some way to get you to the studio with Shuichi."  
  
I began to cry.  
To meet me? He was this happy to meet me?!  
  
"All this time I thought, 'how could I ever reach him when he's so far away?'"  
  
He patted my cheek. "I pretended that I forgot about meeting you before in that party Touma had before when I met Bad Luck for the first time. So, when you and I were alone, I had to take to you to the karaoke bar. I had to sing to you, but I knew you could never understand what it was for, much less who. At that moment when you looked at me with a smile, I knew I couldn't let you go again without you knowing my feelings."  
  
"So when you told me that you'd jump to save me even if we both died, I was touched. I wasn't lonely anymore. My wait was finally ending." Grabbing onto my body, he took a deep breath. "That's why I can't lose you, Tatsuha. I've loved you ever since you said, 'Sumimasen'."  
  
In my eyes, my god finally became human.   
  
Then he whispered, "Please don't ever leave me again, Tatsuha. If you say goodbye one more time, I won't be able to take it anymore."  
  
  
I wrapped my arms around him tenderly with my whole heart.  
  
  
You had waited for me all this time…  
I can't believe it…  
  
  
How lonely I was to know that I couldn't reach you…  
I can't imagine how painful it was for you to watch me, but you couldn't even touch me…  
  
My heart ached with much hurt.  
  
"Don't worry, I won't leave you anymore, Ryuichi.." I assured him.   
  
Closing my eyes while crying, I whispered,   
"I promise."  
  
  
Tsuzuku…  
--  
Author's note: WAH~! Been crying for two hours. Lost a LOT of my fanfics…especially the latest chapters of Aching Desire. And my outline for the whole story. But most importantly, my poems. The poems I had made for someone (who will never get to read them) but they were the most beautiful words I could ever say to somebody.   
Wasn't that touching? I felt so much for Ryuichi. I couldn't breathe as I typed his part. Waiting for Tatsuha to grow up. Isn't that so sweet? (Yes, I know I'm a sap. ;_;)  
  
Thanks for your support so far! This is almost done. ;_; (Okay, don't know if that's a good thing to say though…) 


	36. Chapter 35 in your eyes

Disclaimer: Yui doesn't own Gravi.  
  
  
Aching Desire  
(Nagareboshi 3)  
by miyamoto yui  
  
  
Chapter 35 – in your eyes.  
  
  
It had been a week since I gave my honey my challenge, and in return, he had told me something that I could have never possibly imagined. Even in my wildest dreams, when I looked at Ryuichi, the possibility had never occurred to me at all.  
For how could a rock superstar wait for someone to grow up? The years between us, one of the things that I thought was an obstruction to my path, was also equally his.  
  
But I could tell. His wait was harder, longer, and even more treacherous.   
  
I felt like my eyes were more open to seeing that.   
  
He knew who I was, where I lived, and how I was growing up because he was watching me slowly and quietly from the shadows. It sounded almost like he was stalking me, but I guess that never bothered me because I had drunk every bit of information that I could ever get of him too.  
Ryuichi had more obstacles in his way. He had more people to deal with, both kinds that weren't so kind and those that became his true friends.  
He had told me all of that. Touma had told me that it had taken him the number of years I had been alive to get from Ryuichi the facts about his life that had only taken me two years to perfect and ingest into my very being.  
  
When Ryuichi was in the hospital, I talked to Touma. Touching his arm as he and my sister were leaving, I asked him something that had bothered me.  
  
"What did Suguru mean by Ryuichi being so much worse than he is now?" I looked from side to side.   
Hadn't Ryuichi always been the Ryuichi that I had always known? Ryuichi could never lie to me. If he did, he was trying to hide a present from me.  
  
Onee-san smiled as she folded her hands. "Before he met you, Ryuichi was so stubborn. He would never listen to anyone but Touma. You can't imagine all the things we had to go through to get him to do concerts, recordings, etc. without a protest."  
  
"Why?" I looked at both of them.  
  
"He had no confidence in his singing." Touma looked to the ground almost ashamed. Something I had never seen before.  
  
Not have confidence? My Ryuichi???  
  
Touma nodded his head at my sister as she smiled and understood what was going on. He took my shoulder and led me to the patio of the hospital. Sitting on a bench, we both sat there quietly looking up at the sky.  
  
"Ryuichi? Not have confidence in his singing?" I laughed at the absurdity at such a prospect. "That's so ridiculous."  
  
Touma-san shook his head with his hands folded while his elbows leaned on his knees. Leaning forward, I focused on his black hat because he wouldn't let me look into his eyes.  
  
So that's how he got whenever it was truly serious…  
How odd…  
  
It was so weird to watch him. How he looked liked his father and that same person had loved my own father.  
  
"You'd be surprised how many times Ryuichi looked like he was going to quit." He smiled. "Yeah, it's true. The man that took Japan and made it fall to its knees for him."  
  
"And what made him change?"  
  
Touma's grin widened as he turned his head to me with his head leaning on the palm of his hand. "You."  
  
"Ryuichi told me about that, Touma-san. That he waited for me to grow up."  
  
"Finally." He sighed while rolling his eyes. "He told you."  
  
I nodded.  
  
"The day he met you, I knew he had changed a little. I couldn't figure out what had gotten into him. After all, he had met one of my friend's little brother." Touma looked at me intently. "I wanted to know what it was that made you special to Sakuma Ryuichi."  
  
I blinked as I looked at him seriously with nothing to say.  
  
"And I figured it out. Ryuichi had something to focus on. All these years, he was singing for fun and there was no challenge." Laughing, Touma looked up to the sky. "Just what do you get the man who had everything by age twenty-eight?"  
  
Glancing at me, he winked his eye at me. "Nothing. I couldn't think of a single thing."  
  
Getting up with his hands in his pockets, his eyes still focused on me. "He went crazy once. Ryuichi didn't know what to do with his life before and after his music debut. I thought it was because he was pressured. But when he said your name while he was napping as we were having a tour, I knew it was you, Tatsuha.  
"You were the one who could reach into him. Ryuichi didn't want things given to him and so he was content on watching you grow even though it tore him up inside. He didn't want you to like him because he was mad, close to insanity, over you. He wanted you to freely love him not as a rock idol, but as an ordinary person."  
  
Then, in silence, we walked to my sister's and his car. My sister hugged me as she left, but whispered into my ear tenderly, "Tatsuha, no matter what you do, I just want you to be happy. That's all I've ever wished for you."  
Touma patted my head and they left.  
  
  
And now, here I was at a playground in front of the stadium as Ryuichi was practicing for his concert the next day.  
I watched the dark sky with the stars twinkling and I sat on a swing.   
Back and forth, I sighed as I smiled at my good fortune. How things ever worked out this way, I could never understand.  
  
"Can I sit here?" a voice asked politely with a bell-like ring to it.  
I shook my head with a smile. "When we were kids you used to push me off the damn swing even if they were all open."  
"I've matured a little." Tsuki laughed as she patted my back. "Okay, so I've only grown about one foot since third grade, but that's beside the point."  
  
Silence.  
  
"What's wrong, Tatsuha?" She stroked the back of my head as she held a look of concern on her face.  
"It's just a mesh of stuff in my head. I don't know where to begin."  
"Then…let's start with me."  
"You're always so ego-centric," I sarcastically remarked.  
"No, seriously, I'm trying to help you out here. Why call me best friend if you're just going to be a big quiet lump over there?" She laughed as she pointed at the little magenta rice grain in front of us. "And with that cute guy as your lover, who could be sad? Are you out of your freakin' mind?!"  
I bursted out laughing.  
"That's better," she said proudly as she nodded her head while folding her arms.  
"Honestly, Tsuki," I sighed as looked at her, "I've been meaning to ask you this."  
"Yes?" She blinked at me and took out a lollipop from her pocket and handed me one but I waved my hand with a no.  
"Why are you doing this for me? I haven't been able to ask you this after all this commotion." I looked at her seriously. "I'm sorry that you had to go through all this with me."  
Tsuki smirked at me. Taking my chin, we looked at each other's eyes.  
  
We stared at one another in silence.  
  
Taking out the lollipop from her mouth, she then answered, "Do you know how irresistible you are, Uesugi Tatsuha?"  
  
"Huh? What's that got to do with anything?"  
  
"Tatsuha, I've been in love with you ever since the day you threw sand in my eye in the sandbox," she laughed as she rubbed her small belly. "Being your best friend was one of the perks to be close to you. To be next to you."  
"Tsuki…"  
"Your charm isn't because we both admired Sakuma Ryuichi for so long. It's that you accept people for who they are. Not what they are. Do you understand?" She leaned closer to me so that we touched forehead to forehead. "I was the outcast of our class. I was rich, but I was always doing things that no one would dare think of doing. But you never let that bother you. You even helped me in my crazy schemes."  
"I still can't believe we snuck out of our houses to go stand in line to go and preorder stuff. Anything for Ryuichi…" I tilted my head and smiled.  
"Why are you so unconfident?" She then got off her swing and threw her finished lollipop stick into the trash can. Then, Tsuki embraced me from behind. "For as long as I've known you, you're always so genki in front of people and then you're so quiet when you're by yourself, except when you're singing a song."  
I leaned back a bit trying to not to harm her and the baby in a way.  
  
I looked at the sand below us.  
  
"Why do you love Ryuichi so much, Tatsuha?" She hugged me tightly. "Why is he so special to you?"  
  
"Because…" I smiled as I held her hands warmly. "…he…he…"  
  
What was it?  
I couldn't find the right words to describe it.  
  
Not because he made me laugh…   
Not because he made me smile…   
Not because he always knew what to do…  
  
"Why would you sacrifice so much for him, Tatsuha?" Tsuki held me while pushing her cheek to mine. "Why is he doing the same for you?"  
  
It made sense to me.  
Weird and sappy as my answer would be…  
  
  
"It's because…" I turned my face to meet her eyes with a soft smile. "…he's breathing and I know it's for my sake."  
  
I instantly felt warm all over at the thought.  
  
She smiled as she had tears in her eyes. "See? That's why I didn't ever think you were crazy when you said you liked him so much."  
  
Tsuki whispered into my ear with her eyes closed, "You didn't love him because he was a singer. You loved the soul he gave to his songs. You didn't love a woman or a man, for that doesn't really matter in this world. Overrated as it is.  
"But if there was ever a day that you'd have to give him up to anyone else, I knew you'd do it, Tatsuha. You cried on the letter you gave me even though you tried to hide it from me." She pounded softly on my shoulder. "Because you loved him that much even though you were only thirteen."  
  
Burying her head onto my shoulder, she cried and I started to have tears in my eyes again just like when I had promised Ryuichi never to say goodbye again.  
  
Then, she said the words that I could never say to anyone before. How she said them so clearly as Hiro, I would always be amazed.  
  
  
"You loved Ryuichi for being himself. Ryuichi isn't a woman or man in your eyes, he's a person that you've watched for so long that you can't bear to be with anyone else."  
  
  
  
I closed my eyes.  
  
It was true. It was all true.  
  
That's why I had not wanted to give Ryuichi that poem I made for him in the end. I was going to keep it with me.  
I said that even though I was doomed to love someone I could never reach, I'd never regret it.  
  
  
In silence, we stayed at the playground for a long while watching Ryuichi practice. His voice echoed the song 'Yoru no naka ni',  
  
"…Long sleepless nights, I spent them without you  
Starving for your breath  
I resolved to saying 'I love you'  
To a photograph…"  
  
  
Tsuzuku…  
--  
Author's note: One or two chapters to go!   
Wow…as we near the ending, I'd have to say that I keep on thinking, "I came up with that?"  
I'm very proud of this fic despite the fact that my one complaint is that it is too long. ^^;;;  
But making that chapter with Tatsuha's father…it was worth writing all 30+ parts before it.  
  
I'm happy to find you guys are enjoying this fic. Thank you for your support and your kind words. I don't know if I can finish this for Christmas, but please consider this my gift to you for the holidays. (And don't worry TB fans! I'll be sure to make a gift for you too! How can I not show my love and devotion to my two sexy boys??)  
  
Yoru no naka ni – in the night 


	37. Chapter 36 Agony

Disclaimer: Yui doesn't own Gravitation.  
  
  
Aching Desire  
(Nagareboshi 3)  
by Miyamoto Yui  
  
  
Chapter 36 – Agony.  
  
  
"Tatsuha? Tatsuha?" I heard my name being called again and again.  
  
I turned over and blinked my eyes to look at Ryuichi. "Yes, yes?"  
  
He threw his Kumogorou at my forehead and laughed. I looked at him in confusion. "Wha-what?"  
"Good morning, Tatsuha," he said in English.  
I then smiled as I replied back. "Ohaiyo gozaimasu, Ryuichi."  
  
He was beaming at me and I sighed. "Oh no…we just went through a long, long, _long_ session of-MMM!"  
Ryuichi grabbed my shoulders and wrapped his arms around my naked body. I looked down at him and shook my head. "You know you shouldn't do this after coming out of the hospital only three days ago."  
  
He sighed with a glimmer in his eyes. He then grabbed Kumogorou and pouted as he bit the ear.   
"Demo, demo," he said in muffled protest.  
  
"You waited for me to grow up so you can have my body!" I laughed as I fell onto him gently and pointed at him accusingly. "That was your intention. I know how you work!"  
  
He smirked at me playfully. "I swear it was all pure until I undid your shirt that night."  
  
I closed my eyes with a twitch in my eye. "Ryuichi…"  
  
"You can't fight temptation." Then, he ran his fingers through my hair. "I've waited for you for thirty-one years! No one ever believed I was a virgin."  
  
True, true! Ryuichi the sexiest man alive never had sex before? That was unheard of!  
  
He sweatdropped as if reading my thoughts while I analyzed him.  
  
"You were repressed," I said with a dead-pan look.  
  
"Naw, I'm all for you," he smirked again while kissing my lips. Then, he hugged me. "It was really hard trying not to seduce you whenever I saw you."  
  
"You're making up for it just fine…honey." I grinned as he shook his head.  
  
He smiled as he lifted his eyebrows. "Hey, that's below the belt!"  
  
"That's what I'm aiming for…"   
  
I then got up to go take a shower. And there he just sat on the bed feeling rejected.  
I poked my head out of the doorway. "I didn't say we had to stop at the bed."  
  
Ryuichi shook his head and grinned. "Ooh! Shower!"   
  
  
After we had our shower, we dressed up and ate breakfast. Ryuichi thought it'd be nice to make me fried eggs.  
He may have been the idol of Japan, but he still couldn't master making an omelet. When it came back to me almost all burned, I smiled, ate it, and thanked God that I was the only one he cooked for. Then again, I'd be the only one who'd eat it.  
  
When breakfast was over, he took me to his car and we drove to the stadium so that he could practice.  
"I have a surprise for you, Tatsuha!" he excitedly announced as he pulled my hand as soon as I closed the car door.  
"Wasn't the omelet the surprise?"  
"No, no!" He then gave me Kumogorou to hold in one arm. "It's a little late, but this was your present."  
"Present?" Bewildered, I looked around as we found our way to the stage from the back door.  
  
There was no one there yet. Then again, it was only eight in the morning and everyone was supposed to come at nine for final set-up.  
  
He turned on some of the equipment and looked at me like a little kid on a field trip, even though he was so familiar with the place.  
  
"What are you so happy about, Ryuichi?" I smiled at him with wild curiosity. "Tell me."  
"Your present!" he said again.  
I put Kumogorou down on the stage to survey the audience's seats.  
  
"Look around, Tatsuha. Remember."  
I shook my head with no idea on what was going on.   
Ryuichi then took my hand and led me to the seat in somewhere in the middle of the stadium. It was one that had the perfect view of the stage. Not too far and not too close either, but just enough to see his face.  
  
I opened my eyes wider. I began to remember after all the concerts I had gone to…  
  
I mumbled in realization, "This was my seat when I went to my first concert…"  
  
Ryuichi nodded slowly. "Wait here."  
  
He ran down to where Kumogorou was on stage. Ryuichi stood in the middle of the stage and held the microphone stand in his hands. Then, he looked up and held his hands out to me as he sang into the microphone,   
  
"…Long sleepless nights, I spent them without you  
Starving for your breath  
I resolved to saying 'I love you'  
To a photograph…"  
  
"Do you remember now, Tatsuha?" he said into the mic as soon as he finished the stanza.  
  
Then, he walked back to me.  
  
"You were really singing it for me that day," I sighed while showing all my surprise.  
  
And I remembered that day when I was laughing as I watched him so contentedly. He winked in my direction, but I never knew it was a code for me to get.  
  
He nodded his head. "Those tickets you got from Touma weren't from him. They were from me. And I wanted to look at you clearly."  
  
Ryuichi looked up to the sky and then back at me. "Since I couldn't touch you, my flirting could go well with the crowd, and it'd mean no harm, right?"  
  
I looked at the ground and then at him again. "All this for me…wow. I…really am honored."  
  
"Yes…all of it was just for you."   
  
***  
  
  
I cheered with the crowd with Tsuki next to me as the first half of the performance was ending.   
"I'll be right back," I said to her as she waved at me with a smile.  
"I won't be going anywhere!" she shouted back while holding her Kumogorou in her lap. The one that Ryuichi had recently given a ski outfit.   
  
(No, I won't understand how they both agree on such things.)  
  
I lifted my pass to get to the back and knocked on Ryuichi's door.   
  
"Come in!" he shouted.  
  
I went inside and locked the door behind me. I ran to him and smiled. "You're doing great out there! I think this was one of the best concerts I've ever given!"  
  
"It'd better be!" he commented as he took off his shirt.  
  
I took a towel and wiped his upper body. "Why's that?"  
  
"Because I'm taking a hiatus again."  
  
"Why so suddenly? You were gone because of your voice." I cleared my throat. "My fault and all."  
  
"Well, we've got to take care of Tsuki and the baby."  
  
I nodded. "Yes, but that doesn't mean you have to take a hiatus."  
  
"Yes I do," he answered as he took a white shirt and pulled it over himself. "We have to find a house and everything."  
"House?"  
He laughed, "I'll tell you later. Tsuki and I were thinking of some stuff."  
"You guys are making plans without me again!"  
  
Ryuichi again chuckled. "No…don't worry about it Tatsuha. That could never happen."  
  
He sat in a chair facing a mirror. Ryuichi then pulled me to sit in his lap as he wrapped his arms around me. I put my head on his shoulder.  
  
"I'll take good care of you as I promised," he softly whispered. "Or else."  
  
He shuddered. "I've only seen you half mad and I don't want to even know how your dad is when he's really pissed either."  
  
I laughed, then, I looked up to his face as I softly poked my finger on his Adam's apple.   
"Ryuichi, sing for me."  
  
He then sang for me,   
  
"Cold fingers and icy touch,  
Tell me that this is life  
Because I can tell you this is love.  
Reach for me,  
I reach for you,  
But we're two realities,  
Separated by a mirror."  
  
I then kissed his throat as he sang. His Adam's apple jumped up and down, but I kept on feeding on the skin of his throat.  
  
Mine…  
This is mine.  
  
When he finished singing, I leaned on his shoulder again.   
  
"How did you ever explain to Touma-san that you fell in love with someone?" I asked.  
"I didn't." He laughed. "He could just tell through the changes in my music. They weren't as cold as they used to be. There was someone behind them now.  
"What I did tell him when asked me why my songs had changed, I honestly said that it was agony. And if this was the way love really was, I didn't want it."  
  
He held me even tighter. "Did Touma ever tell you I lost my head after a concert and how we had to cancel some of Nittle Grasper's tour?"  
  
"Somewhat, but not the details."  
  
Ryuichi looked away in shame. "A year later after your first concert, I gave Touma another ticket to give to you. It was for that very same seat you were in so that I could see you clearly again. But you didn't stay all throughout the concert that time."  
  
Bitterly, I remembered that very clearly too. "I was sick, but I really wanted to see you. In the end, Aniki had to take me home because I had caught pneumonia."  
  
"Did you know how hard it was for me to sing knowing that I couldn't help you in any way?" He shook his head and sighed heavily.   
"You can't imagine that behind that stage, Touma and I were fighting during the intercession.   
  
'You can't go to him!' he shouted at me while trying to restrain me.   
  
'I have to go to him, Touma!' I protested back.  
  
'You cannot leave in the middle of this concert, Sakuma Ryuichi! That isn't how professionals work!'   
His blood was boiling and he breathed slowly while giving me a hard look.  
  
'What am I supposed to do, Touma?!' I took his collar and shook him.  
  
'You can't do anything, Ryuichi!' he shouted back at me while staring me down. 'To him, you are just someone he looks up to! Nothing more!'  
  
I let him go and sat in my chair holding my head in defeat. With tears in my eyes, I looked at him while smiling wistfully. 'You're right. I'm nothing more to him."  
  
Wiping my tears away, I gave my serious look and patted him. 'Sorry, Touma.'  
  
'Ryuichi…' he started to say, but it was time for the performance."  
  
  
While there was chaos outside of his door, we snuggled there quietly on the chair.  
  
  
I looked at Ryuichi and I shook my head sadly.  
The more and more I knew about everything, the more I realized the depths of our loneliness for one another...  
  
Then, he broke the silence with, "Do you know how helpless you can feel when you can't do anything for the person you love?"  
  
I closed my eyes painfully and nodded silently.  
  
  
"When I realized that,   
that was the day I knew I could never live without you, Tatsuha."  
  
"Why?"  
  
Before he could answer me, the stage crew knocked on his door to let him know it was time to perform again.  
  
  
Tsuzuku…  
  
--  
  
Author's note: yea~! Almost the end. One chapter to go!!!  
Woohoo! Have you been enjoying this immensely long fic! Hope you have! Me too!  
  
^_^ 


	38. Epilogue Aching Desire

Disclaimer: Yui does this for pure enjoyment. She doesn't own any of the characters for Gravi or any other yaoi/shounen ai series except making up Shinya (so tech., he's mine). I own every 'song' in this story except when I've indicated otherwise such as 'Bronze – End Chapter' by Koyasu Takehito.  
  
Breathe, this is a long ending.  
  
  
Aching Desire  
(Nagareboshi 3)  
by Yui Miyamoto  
  
  
Epilogue - Aching Desire  
  
  
Ryuichi sighed as I closed the door to go back to my seat. While walking out into the hallway, someone grabbed my arm.  
"Hey-" I started to protest.  
  
But when I felt the cold metal against the skin of my back, I laughed. "Oh hello, K-san!"  
  
"Hello, hello!" He chuckled as he put his gun down.   
For the moment.  
  
I turned to face him and tried not to be rude as I said, "Sorry that I can't talk long, but I've got to go back to my seat."  
  
"No no no," he said in English. "You are in trouble, Uesugi Tatsuha!"  
  
I instantly freaked out and blinked my eyes.   
"What did I do this time?!" I questioned in frustration.   
  
Holding his gun out to my forehead, I gulped.  
  
I must have done something. I know he wouldn't get pissed if I didn't _do_ something.   
Okay, okay, let's see. I kept Ryuichi longer in the shower than I had anticipated, but no one was here before us, so it couldn't be that.  
Ryuichi hasn't lost his voice again, but he did get hurt-  
  
K smirked at me as he put his gun on his holster. Putting his hand on the top of my head, he said, "You didn't let me tell you that you did a good job."  
  
A whirl was coming my way when I began to answer, "For wha-mmm!"  
  
Ryuichi had just run out of his room, got in between us, and kissed me on the lips while smiling. With a thumbs up, he ran onto the stage.  
  
I didn't want to miss anything!   
Nervously, my eyes lingered towards the direction of the stage .  
  
"Don't worry, he won't start without you," K said as he put his hand on his forehead.  
Then, he sighed while saying, "He went all out today."  
  
"He sure did." I nodded, but K appeared as if there was something more to what he said.  
  
Looking back at K with a sweatdrop, I asked, "W-What did I do?"  
  
"You got his voice back." Smiling, he pointed at the stage, "And now everyone's happy."  
  
Turning me around and walking towards the stage, he put his arm around my shoulder like the buddies we had become. "I'm glad I didn't have to blow your head off on Ryuichi's account. You had me very worried for both of you."  
  
I shook my head and patted his back. "Thanks."  
  
"Ryuichi's charm is that he takes what he wants whether or not anyone has anything to say about it. Your strength is that you're up to par with that." Just like my brother, he scruffed my hair. "All of you have become my family here in Japan, so don't _ever_ worry me like that again."  
  
I smiled at him as we walked towards the stage.  
  
"If anyone does, and messes up…BANG!" he shouted as he pointed his hand like a gun on the stage.  
  
I jumped as I scratched my head while remarking, "I hate it when you do that."  
  
"I know. Everyone does." With a smirk that defined his utter satisfaction, he replied back in English, "And I _LOVE_ it!"  
  
(Author: * smile * hee.)  
  
"I have to get back to my seat," I said as I was about to turn towards the seats.  
  
"No no no, Tatsuha," K told me. "I'll tell you when you can go back."  
  
I blinked at him and then put my head down in disappointment. Once you got him on a power trip, you couldn't ever get him out of it unless you played along for the state of your well being.  
* sweatdrop *  
  
With a wide grin, he pushed my back. "Now you can go."  
  
I shook my head. "See you later!"  
  
That's right, K. It's always so simple in your terms.  
Get what you want or don't go for it at all, but don't ever waver.  
  
I got through the crowd and found my seat next to Tsuki, who was beaming while holding her Kumogorou. "Why were you talking with K-san?"  
"Ryuichi?"  
  
As soon as I sat down, I sat in the chair as Ryuichi nodded his head, lifted up his hand and said, "LET'S GO!!!"  
  
"YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!" the crowd screamed.  
  
"But before my last song, I want my first guest to come out here." He held his microphone near his lips as he turned with a wink to me. With a gesture of his hand, he pointed towards the left hand side of the stadium.  
  
When the guest was coming, the crowd became even more ballistic. I couldn't see who it was at first, but my jaw dropped as soon as Ryuichi bowed to him.  
Ryuichi handed over his mic, but not without saying, "Seems like he doesn't need an introduction."  
  
He laughed as he continued, "With his life currently told in manga-style by none other than Ozaki Minami-sensei, here's Nanjo Kouji-san!!!"  
  
Okay, so my jaw dropped a little bit wider as the song began to play. It was the one called "Bronze - End Chapter."  
  
Closing his eyes, he then held out his gloved hand as the strands of his hair fell gracefully like satin to the side of his tall figure.  
  
When he opened his eyes, he tapped and began to sing.  
  
It was as if I had gone to my first concert all over again. I closed my eyes for a bit as he sang,  
  
"Darenimo kowasenai  
Donna kami ni mo sumuitemo ii  
Inochi nado, nakushitemo,   
Anata dake ireba ii…"  
  
  
My lips mimed the familiar words. These were the words I sang whenever I got very lonely and couldn't bear to hear Ryuichi's voice any longer.   
When Nanjo-san sang the very last words, he lifted his chin and closed his eyes. His face pointed towards the person he was singing for: Takuto Izumi the soccer player.  
  
There was no shame in this. With tenderness, in a whisper, he lifted his hands towards him singing in English, "If I only have you."  
  
"NANJO KOJI-SAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" The crowd screamed and I clapped until my hands hurt.   
I had temporarily lost my voice and nothing was going into my head except the lyrics of his song.  
  
"Thank you very much." Then, he waved at the audience   
Taking the mic, Ryuichi bowed again and then he went to the middle of the stage. "How was that for you?!"  
  
Nanjo-san left and Takuto got up to go with him.  
  
"GO RYUICHI!!!!!!!"   
The shouts were getting out of control and the audience's energy radiated as Ryuichi smiled and said, "But I have another guest. They don't need to be introduced either, so…"  
  
The crowd was silent.   
  
Ryuichi lifted up his hand, "COME UP SHUICHI, HIRO, AND SUGURU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
The crowd went even more wild as Shuichi took the microphone, nodded his head, and they began.  
Bad Luck played "Blind Game Again" and I smiled widely.  
  
Wasn't…wasn't this my brother's definition of love?  
  
My brother, who was I the front row, leaned on his seat as if he were bored while shaking his head. He looked at me and then he smirked as if to say, "I'm getting too old for this."  
But you could tell, he was content with Shuichi's laughter as he sang,  
  
"Blind game again  
Drastic game a game  
Blind game again…"  
  
And there was no doubt as Hiro stole a glance at Suguru and Shuichi kept on smiling as he passed his eyes over the audience and landed them on my brother.  
  
Shuichi shouted, "THANK YOU MINNA-SAN!!!"  
  
"Thank you!!!" Ryuichi said as he and Shuichi, Hiro, and Suguru hugged each other temporarily.  
  
"BAD LUCK!!!!!!!!"  
  
Waving their goodbyes, they also left the stage and went back to their seats in the front.  
  
The spotlight was on Ryuichi again, but then, he sighed as he shyly looked at the audience. "Years ago," he said as he glanced at me, "there was someone on this very stage that sang a song that changed music forever. And when I looked at him, he was the one who had changed my life with his songs."  
  
I looked around the crowd to find no one making a sound, just rustling. Confused, I looked at Ryuichi, for he had never told me about this ever.  
  
For the first time since this concert had been televised, Ryuichi looked directly into the camera and said, "Thank you, whomever you are, for telling Tatsuha a story."  
  
"Father…" I mumbled and Tsuki leaned on my shoulder for a moment with closed eyes.  
  
But Ryuichi didn't know anything about it…  
To him, it's just a story…  
  
Looking back at me he said, "I was once told the same story, Tatsuha. It was in a song that my next guest is going to sing."  
  
He looked at the crowd as he slowly brought his hand out to the left stage.   
  
Tap…tap…tap…  
  
The audience that had awed at Nanjo Kouji and Bad Luck were absolutely quiet. And then, I saw who they were looking at…  
  
Oh my god…  
  
The man, who was still handsome in his later years, smiled as he found me in the crowd. Taking up the microphone, he said, "I am going to sing a song that maybe most of you haven't heard of because it was before you were born."  
  
As the song began, he whispered, "It's called 'Kimi ni'."  
  
I sat there silently like a doll, unmoving and unchanging as he sang.  
  
"While the rain was pouring, I thought of you.  
You were whispering to me.  
I looked around and you disappeared,  
But I still can hear your voice.  
'Why did you do it? What were you thinking?'  
I told the boy when he asked me,  
'I'll never come again.'  
  
Never looking back at him,  
It's a world that has separated us,  
We've got to go back to reality.  
Pushing the crowd of people,  
I knew what you were wondering,  
'Why did we ever fall for one another  
when it was destined to fall apart?'  
  
I wondered what the hell was happening,  
When I began to sing and looked your way  
You gave me a cruel look,  
I wanted to tear it off.  
Then you come and visit me,  
Telling me you're my fan.  
'Why are you telling me this? Aren't you ashamed?'  
And you looked at me to say,  
"Why would I be?"  
  
Never looking back at him,  
It's a world that has separated us,  
We've got to go back to reality.  
Pushing the crowd of people,  
I knew what you were wondering,  
'Why did we even fall for one another  
when it was destined to fall apart?'  
  
[instrumental]  
  
Just fade away.  
Can that happen so easily?  
  
Kept the secret from leaking endlessly,  
I told you I would forget you.  
You told me I was weak,  
And you were so right.  
  
  
You never looked back at me again.  
It's this world that has separated us,  
We've got to go back to where we come from.  
Pushing through the crowd of people,  
You knew what I was saying,  
'It's easier to kill yourself   
than for me to tell you what I did.'  
  
Don't believe  
In what you see.  
(We've got to go back to reality.)  
  
Everywhere you look  
They'll tell you sweet lies.  
(See through mine.)  
  
Don't believe   
In what you see.  
(We've got to go back to reality.)"  
  
I looked at Ryuichi throughout the song because he didn't know. He didn't know anything and I couldn't even cry because I was so shocked.  
  
My father was right,  
Shinya did have a charm much like Ryuichi's, but even exceeding it…  
Looking left, looking right, hand movements, facial expressions…this couldn't describe Shinya's talent and how he could draw a crowd with his fingertips…  
  
Touma looked at his father and dipped his head while sitting.   
  
The audience then found their voice as they shouted, "SHINYA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Bowing to the ground, he said, "Thank you very much."  
  
Then, he smiled and left the stage as people still kept on calling, "PLEASE COME BACK SHINYA!!!!"  
  
No, he won't come back…  
Because he has found what he's looking for.  
  
Ryuichi then took the mic into both of his hands as he surveyed the audience seriously.   
  
"People sing for many different reasons. For many different people."  
  
A hush went over the crowd once more.  
  
He continued, "I sang because I wanted to find something. To find why the hell I live. Seguchi Touma used to say, 'The boy who has everything, what else do you want.' But he was one to talk."  
  
Everyone laughed, but I kept my eyes straight on Ryuichi.  
I folded my hands as I focused on him.  
  
"I didn't know how to sing because I did it for fun." His voice echoed as everyone continued to listen attentively. "But I didn't know how to truly sing until I got my lucky charm."  
  
"Uesugi Tatsuha!" someone called out.  
  
"Shuichi, don't get ahead of me." He laughed as he tilted his head cutely like a child. Looking straight at me, he took out something from his pocket. Lifting it into the air, he nodded, "This was my good luck charm. From some anonymous fan."  
  
"I made a melody to go along with this letter that was addressed to me. I never released it, but I sang this song called 'Kiku', five years ago. Except, the person who had made the letter couldn't hear my song that night."   
  
Then, the high tempo of the song began as he was walking to the middle of the stage.   
  
K, who had been to the side with his arms crossed watching both us, he left with a satisfied smile.  
  
  
"I've listened to you everyday  
Wondering what are you singing for?   
Who do you sing for?  
I listen because I want to know more,  
To know more about you.  
  
And I find no answers at all.  
Just a poster on a wall  
That I talk to.  
  
Embarrassed as I am,   
I take no shame when people tell me  
I admire you more than I should.  
And that's just fine by me,  
Because you'll never know me."  
  
I couldn't even breathe as I shook my head. As he sang this, I could see Ryuichi's eyes had softened, but still with that determination I knew so well.  
  
"Because you'll never know me,  
I can do what I want  
Without you watching me.  
But that's all wrong,  
I want to meet you just once  
To tell myself I live in a dream  
And I've got to wake up.  
  
I didn't listen to you because you're popular,  
I didn't listen because you knew what to sing,  
I listened because   
You never lied.  
Even if the world's not fair.  
  
And I don't think it's fair,  
Just once, I want to know if I'm wrong.  
I want to know if what I feel is wrong.  
Tell me that it is shameful  
So that I'll stop.  
  
How can I fall in love with you?  
  
Because you'll never know me,  
I'll go on with life   
While listening to your songs.  
And that's all right,  
You'll never meet me just once  
For me to tell you that I like your style  
And you've made me a better person.  
  
Just because I listened…  
Just because I listened to your songs…"  
  
  
By the end of it, Ryuichi lifted up his head, but I could finally see, that that wasn't sweat.  
  
They were tears dripping from the side of his eyes. I was trying to hold my own tears while looking at him through the blur in mine.  
  
Ryuichi…  
I really can't believe you were the one who found my note…  
I was embarrassed for even writing it, but I couldn't tear it either.  
  
Tapping his foot, another song immediately started. "I also made a song as a response to that letter. This is my last song for a year, please enjoy it. It's called 'Surechigau'!"  
  
With a wink to me, he grinned happily. "This is why, Tatsuha."  
  
"(whisper) Do you what it means  
that you can't breath  
wanting to crumble into pieces  
out of helplessness?  
Looking at your own reflection  
You knew a change had begun.  
It was your fault…  
  
Surechigau, passing one another,  
You'd think it was all a work of fate.  
I looked at you as you said,  
'Sumimasen' to me.  
Closing the door, I looked at it wanting  
To break it with my hands.  
  
This is wrong.   
This can't be our story.  
I won't accept that   
We'll always be apart.  
It's too cruel  
Upon my heart.  
  
I searched and searched for years  
Knowing I was nothing to you.  
Just a face you passed each day  
On the wall, you thought I never saw.  
But I knew as I gradually lost my sanity,  
I was looking for you everywhere.  
(Hopelessly.)  
  
This is wrong.  
This can't be our story.  
I won't accept that  
I can't reach you.  
It's suicide  
To my heart."  
  
  
He whispered as he held his hands out,   
"Where could you go?  
Where did you come from?  
How can I make you mine?  
How can I keep you forever?  
(How can I make you not say goodbye?)"  
  
  
Putting down his hands, he ran his fingers through his head as if agony. Then, he pulled the microphone close to his lips as if serenading with a kiss.  
  
"Watching you like a mirror  
Where you pound until your hands bleed  
Screaming your name  
In a deadly silence, no one hears me.  
You don't understand anything   
Because I can't even tell you.  
  
  
I don't care about Fate anymore.  
Because I can't see anything  
Nothing but you.  
  
  
This is wrong.  
This can't be the story of  
You and Me.  
I can't accept that you'll never know me  
Because I know who you are.  
I've been watching you from the shadows   
(Silently, silently.)  
  
This is wrong.  
(How can my love for you be wrong?)  
This can't be our story.  
(How can I make you fall in love with me?)  
I won't accept that  
(I can't survive this torture any longer.)  
I can't reach you.  
(Because you don't know anything.  
It's suicide  
(I'll beg on my knees for you.)  
To my heart.  
(I don't want anyone else.)  
  
Please give him back to me.  
You were meant to be mine.  
  
(No matter what Fate says,  
I won't allow it.)"  
  
  
The crowd shouted and clapped in a frenzy…  
  
Holding up the piece of paper with his arm up in the air, he bowed his head humbly, softly.   
  
Looking up once more, he stared right at me with a gentle smile.  
  
  
Then, the lights went out.  
  
  
**  
  
Right after the concert, there was a conference for the press to ask Ryuichi questions. I stood at the side with Tsuki as Ryuichi nodded his head and smiled at the cameras.  
  
After twenty minutes, Ryuichi asked, "Any last questions?"  
  
"What do you plan to do on your one-year hiatus, Sakuma-san?" one reporter asked with a pencil and pad in his hands.  
  
He glanced down as he smiled happily and then looked at everyone. With proudness, he pointed at Tsuki. "Uesugi Tatsuha and I are going to take a break because Tsuki Miyu right there carries the child I'm going to take care of for the rest of my life."  
  
There was a 'wow' throughout the crowd and the reporters wanted more than ever to ask questions but Ryuichi bowed and said thank you.  
"But we thought that you and-"  
  
Ryuichi lifted up his hand and shook his head.  
  
That night, Ryuichi and I went over to Tsuki's place to crash. The next day, we made plans for the baby as we sat around her dining room table over ice cream. I kept on taking Ryuichi's because it would make him too hyper.  
  
"What are we going to name him?" Tsuki asked as she licked her spoon.  
  
"It'll come in time," I answered as I took another lick from Ryuichi's spoon.  
  
"First thing's first, where are we living?" Ryuichi asked as he took back the spoon and licked it again. "Here or LA?"  
  
"I still want to go to LA for my schooling," Tsuki said as she sighed. She took a scoop from the ice cream container.  
  
"But I have to live here at the temple," I sighed and took a big bite out of Ryuichi's spoon.  
  
Kumogorou was getting dirty with the little splat of mint chocolate chip on his face.  
I rubbed it away with my thumb.  
  
"Okay, okay, so you're living here in Kyoto and Tsuki goes to LA." Ryuichi took another lick satisfied. "And I pay for everything."  
  
Tsuki shook her head. "You can't do that! I can pay for it."  
  
Ryuichi shook his head as he gave me the spoon and took a hold of Tsuki's hand. "You've helped us out a lot, Tsuki-chan."  
Smiling he said, "And as repayment, you're covered for the rest of your life."  
  
"You're kidding," Tsuki blinked her eyes as she said this. "Oooh! Thank you! But you know I can't do that."  
She sighed as she cupped her hands over Ryuichi's. "I went to LA so that I could get away from this heiress thing. I'm the only daughter of this family, but my parents died so early that I've lived alone for several years now.   
"I wanted to do things for myself, so that I could say 'I did it all by myself'. Thank you though, Ryuichi-san."  
  
"If you need anything, just call us in Kyoto." Ryuichi said with a smile. "We'll be there in the next sixteen hours at your doorstop."  
  
I looked at them. "So where does the baby live?"  
  
"My job requires me to move from place to place." Tsuki frowned as she took a big bite of her ice cream.   
  
"So, we can keep the baby here in Japan?" Ryuichi asked with a hopeful look. "Please?"  
  
Tsuki shook her head as Ryuichi still held her hand. "I'll miss the baby…."  
  
We sat there for a while in silent. With only the sounds of eating ice cream, we all looked at one another with sighs willingly given out.  
In the end, we decided that we would have the baby here in Japan, but on every vacation, the child would go to Tsuki.  
  
Tsuki rubbed her small belly while trying not to cry.  
I knew she was sacrificing a lot because she had always wanted a child. That was one thing she always wanted most in the world.  
  
Ryuichi grabbed onto her hand while I got up and hugged Tsuki from behind. Softly and sincerely, I thanked her, "Thank you so much…"  
  
  
She shook her head and lightly patted me on the head. Being always the one to think of me first, she hit me on the head. "What did I tell you? Never look back."  
I nodded and wistfully smiled. "Of course, of course."  
  
I looked at both of them.  
"So, is there anything else we have to talk about?" I asked as Tsuki fell back onto me warmly.  
  
"We can't make anymore plans. They always change anyway." Ryuichi looked at us with a reassuring nod. "We'll just see what happens."  
  
We all nodded to one another.  
  
"That's very true…" Tsuki agreed.  
  
I hugged her tighter knowing how much this whole incident hurt everyone…  
And yet how much closer it made everyone…  
  
All that mattered was that the baby would grow up where people loved him right?  
  
  
I had prayed that my father would at least last until the baby was born, but it was never to be.  
Days after the concert, we three visited my father for the last time.  
  
As we climbed up the stairs, Aniki, Onee-san, and the rest of the game came to say their last goodbyes to my father. The doctor said that it was only a matter of days now and nothing they did could prevent it now.  
Tsuki and Ryuichi patted my father's hand. My father, who could no longer talk, but was with an oxygen mask, managed to smile at them.  
I turned around trying not to cry. It was because I knew. We all knew what he would have said by now and his smile explained it all.  
They left the room and I was again alone in the room with my father. I stood next to him and held his hand.  
  
"I understand now, Father," I explained while sighing and a burden within my heart. "I can't believe it always takes me so much longer to realize stuff."  
I began to form tears in my eyes again, but I didn't shed a tear. "I always thought Aniki and Onee-san were so much smarter than me. That they could get things so much faster than 'little Tatsuha'.I thought that I had to find some way to be better than them so that you would be proud of me too. Onee-san always listened to you, but you never told Aniki that you were always proud of him too. But you told me and I had to make him see it though he never thought you would say such good things about him."  
"But I thought that I was wrong and weird to fall in love with Ryuichi just because he was a man," I continued as I held his hand a little bit tighter. "I thought that you would push me away because I never seemed to follow what I should do, though I tried my best to. No matter what I did, there was always something that made me stand out, though quietly.  
"But you know what I realized? You and I are the same in that sense, Father. You always told me, 'Always try to outdo yourself.' Short and simple. I never needed to fear about losing anything as long as I knew who I was.  
"The only thing that ever mattered and that you were proud of was that I always tried my hardest to get what I wanted, without anyone's help. 'The day you stop trying is the day that I disown you, Tatsuha,' you told me when I was ten because I didn't get number one in that math competition. Only now…only now did I learn. That was my strength all along, Father."  
  
With his hand, he gripped me weakly and I smiled. But as I let go and turned to walk out the door, I saw his eyes.  
Father was waiting for someone other than me now…  
  
As I closed the door behind me, I saw someone's footsteps. I bowed my head as he came towards me.   
While he passed me, he stopped to pat my shoulder. With a tired look, but with the same determination as any Seguchi he said, "Do you think your father would mind if I could visit him now?"  
  
That was when I patted his hand and I started to cry. This was the question Mr. Seguchi had always asked me all my life. And when I was little, I always shook my head to give an excuse. I couldn't understand why my father refused to see him when he was such a kind man to all of us.  
Nodding, I finally replied, "Yes, I think he'd like that."  
  
But he gave a smile as if he knew that I knew what had been left unspoken all these years…  
  
My father died the next day.  
He had waited for Shinya…  
  
***  
  
The funeral was a small one. Father always hated large gatherings, and I now I knew why.  
Everyone paid their respects. And as expected, everyone thought I would be giving the eulogy. But I didn't.  
Aniki did. Not because he was the writer, but because he was the one most like Father.  
  
After two days, my sister, brother, Shuichi, Ryuichi, and I rummaged through everything in the house. (I had already sent home the maids and other servants with payment for their years of service. But, I gave Minoru what my father had specifically asked for: A driving escort service.)  
Pretty much everything was kept in as it had always been, but I had personally asked to pack father's things. Everything in his room was kept in one part of the house.   
Well, almost everything. We split the inheritance, only, I gave my share to the baby. The only thing that mattered to me was the tape and letter, for safe keeping. After all, it was addressed to me.   
Touma couldn't make it those days because he was finishing up the case about Ryuichi's 'accident'. It turned out that it wasn't an accident at all. Kawai-san, whom I never liked anyway, wanted to win favor with my father instead incurred the wrath of Touma. And let's just say that this never went to court, but Touma dealt with this situation with as much personal attention as he could give it. * shiver *   
  
Shortly, after the funeral and all the cleaning, Ryuichi, Tsuki, Shuichi, the group, and I went over to Los Angeles. Everyone took a short vacation there to escape the tumult of everything.  
They helped us move most of Ryuichi's and Tsuki's things back to Japan. It wasn't much though. Ryuichi left everything in his home in LA except a bag of small things: Music sheets and notes. He didn't need anything else.  
As for Tsuki, she brought what she thought she would need in Japan because she was going to live in Kyoto for a year.   
When we left, Tsuki was given a home as a gift by Ryuichi, but it wouldn't be lived in until the next year when she would start school.  
  
Everyone came back to Japan at the same time, but parted as soon as we all arrived in Tokyo. Ryuichi and I went home as Tsuki went to hers.  
  
But before Ryuichi entered the house, I closed the door behind me.  
"Hey, why did you do that?" he asked with confusion in his voice.  
"I have properly greet you!" I shouted with a guilt so silly. "Just knock."  
"Oh…okay…" He did as he was told.  
  
Knock, knock.  
  
I opened the door and smiled. "Welcome home, Ryuichi."  
Nodding, he understood me without a word.  
Glancing at the spot where I had thrown him, I looked back at Ryuichi and threw my arms around him. This time, he was the one to carry me as he closed the front gate behind us.  
"Please…please give Tatsuha to me," he whispered to my ear lovingly.  
I nodded as he carried me into the house. "Yes, he's yours now."   
  
  
Many months later, Tsuki gave birth to a healthy baby boy with Ryuichi and I looking on to each side of her..   
It was chaotic to say the least as he looked at everyone while everyone was trying to introduce themselves.  
I kind of felt sorry for him, having to learn all our names.   
  
All our names…  
Names of people that had worked so hard to help him come into the world…  
  
"So, what's his name?" everyone kept on asking, but Tsuki, Ryuichi, and I had no answer.  
When everyone went away and Tsuki slept with Ryuichi next to her, I had somehow managed to keep the baby in my arms.  
With a smile, I sat in the chair poking his nose. "I've waited a long time for you."  
He crinkled his nose and gurgled at me happily and I laughed. "You're just like Ryuichi. So pokeable."  
But as I looked into his features, he had my eyes with Tsuki's delightful smile. Just looking at him radiated his own charm. It wasn't because he was a baby, but because he had that certain attraction to him that was both unique to Ryuichi and Tsuki. I couldn't describe it though. I just knew they both had it and that's why I loved them so much.  
At that moment, I said while looking at him looking up at me. "Your name is Riki Uesugi. Ri, the first and last letters of Ryuichi. Ki for the end of Tsuki."  
  
I hope that I will be a good father to you as mine had been to me, Riki…  
  
  
A few days later, I had to go back to school and as I passed by the kitchen holding Riki, I laughed as I found Ryuichi shouting at 7 am in the morning, "It's finished!"  
"Finished the new song?" I asked as I walked towards the door.  
Still holding Riki, I slipped my shoes on.   
  
How do other people do this?!  
I was only how old, but my life had changed so much in one year.  
  
I kissed Riki as I handed him over to Ryuichi. Kissed Ryuichi quickly on the lips while placing the cloth on his shoulder so that he wouldn't get wet by Riki's drool.  
"I have to do a presentation this morning!"  
"Wait!" Ryuichi said as he handed over his blue mini-disc player and earphones to me. "You'll have to tell me how this is."  
I nodded my head as I took it into my hands and put on the earphones while slipping the mini-disc into my pocket.  
  
"Say goodbye to Tatsuha!" Ryuichi said as he lifted Riki's hand to say goodbye to me.  
  
I waved and closed the front gate behind me.  
  
While crossing the street, I took out the player and pressed play.  
"But which track?" I fumbled with it. "Oh, there's only one this time."  
  
I had done this many times for Ryuichi, but this was the first time that it felt different.  
  
The beat was medium-paced. What I mean was that it wasn't too fast, but it wasn't too slow either. Just right…  
It was different from any other song he had ever done, and that was just the intro.  
  
But there was a synthesized violin that you could hear clearly that blended well with the music. It carried the tune that Ryuichi would sing along with.  
  
Then, I heard his voice.  
  
"Words are words   
and they hurt you   
(like love).  
I put my faith in a single piece of paper.  
Thinking of you,   
'This is wrong, this is wrong'.  
Wanting the white to bleed  
As I did at that moment  
You closed the door.  
  
You cut me so deep,  
I didn't want to be saved  
From my sin   
(looking at you against Fate's wishes).  
I wanted to drown  
Because I liked being suffocated.  
Thinking, "Anything to get to you,  
Anything to get to you."  
  
When you're caught in between  
Desire and Pain  
Tell me where's the difference  
If I experience both   
At the same time.  
  
Aching...Desire...  
Sinking beyond what I want  
I'd do anything for you.  
I'd sell my soul  
If I can keep you  
All to myself.  
(All to myself)  
  
You tell me that love's a path  
Where everyone treads,  
But how come you can't tell me  
The destination?  
In my mind  
I shattered into pieces  
And bleed on your feet  
While you walked all over my heart  
With a smile.  
  
Tell me baby, do you love me?  
Tell me baby, do you want me?  
Tell me lies  
Tell me the truth,  
I don't care  
what you do  
as long as you're mine.  
  
Aching Desire.  
I lust for your touch,  
I sell you my soul.  
We've made a fair trade.  
Let me get deeper into you...  
  
Do whatever you want to me,  
I'll take anything...  
Because I don't care  
What hell you want to do  
As long as you're mine.  
  
When you're caught in between (Trapped)  
Desire and Pain (I'm going to go insane)  
Tell me where's the difference (I don't know anymore)  
If I experience both (Ever since you walked through the door)  
At the same time. (Waiting for you.)  
  
Aching...Desire... (It's something I can't control)  
Sinking beyond what I want (Let me drown within you)  
I'd do anything for you. (Because I can't let go)  
I'd sell my soul (To the devil himself)  
If I can keep you (Locked forever with me)  
All to myself. (I can't survive.)"  
  
In English, he ended,   
"Because if you breathe 'goodbye',  
I'd rather take a lie.  
Because wherever you are  
That's where I want to be.  
  
My fate has been sealed  
In my lover's hands,  
  
My aching desire."  
  
The song faded. I sighed and then smiled while entering the gates of the university.  
  
Ryuichi then said into the recording, "This was the real response to your letter years ago, Tatsuha. I didn't release it because of all the problems it would entail for you, me, and everyone around us.  
"But I changed it somewhat. Still, I think it doesn't express everything I wanted to say. Didn't I tell you, Tatsuha? That story you told me, it'll never be our story.  
"I won't ever allow it."  
  
  
As I went into the classroom, I sang along with the track,   
"My fate has been sealed  
In my lover's hands,  
My aching desire."  
  
I figured out what was missing and told him later that night, after Tsuki called from LA to say her daily hi to Riki.   
  
As Ryuichi held Riki in the den trying to put him to sleep, I wrapped my arms around his shoulders.  
  
"Thank you for the song." Then, I whispered, "And, I know what's missing."  
  
"I knew you would know," he said as he smiled.  
  
"Whisper this at the end." Looking at the pond before us, I said,   
  
"I'll defy Fate herself;  
I don't care about destiny."  
  
  
Owari.  
--  
Author's note: So, we're finally at the end. I still can't believe it took me 38 parts to get this all out. And I don't even want to go back and see how many pages the whole thing was with revisions, cuts and add-ins. I don't know if Touma's dad is still alive, but for artistic license, please just believe it for this fic.  
  
What mattered most to me was that this was one of the fics that I thought, "Damn…if I make this sucky, everything's going to go along with it."   
Everyone was so kind to me with this fic. Pointing out things I needed to improve, what needed to stay, and why they loved it so much.  
  
'For as long as you could stay'...said with much endearment, trying so hard not to cut your heart off. This was my favorite line in the whole series.  
I thought 'how much do I need to pay to get you back' was it, but no. When I wrote this line, I felt myself fall apart. I cried for a minute in silence not being able to convey this emotion successfully. Trying to show that it wasn't out of spite that he said it, it was because he always wanted to be with Tatsuha's father. He didn't think it would change, if not for the fact that Tatsuha's father needed to fulfill his obligation (whom he learned to love his wife, after all).  
With this single line, I knew that this fic was worth making.  
  
I made this fic the way it was and how long it was because I wanted to show how much Tatsuha and Ryuichi had to sacrifice for one another. There is no such thing as a perfect thing. And it seemed like Ryuichi and Tatsuha's love was 'perfect', but as you read along (and I wrote more), you could see that it wasn't. Tatsuha never felt he could never catch up to Ryuichi. Ryuichi thought that if he ever let Tatsuha go, he could never sing the same way again, so he would have to stop all together.  
Some may say that some parts were unnecessary, but no, they were. These flashbacks showed what had gone on for the two years we don't read or know about. Ever.  
I didn't understand at first why everyone was so excited for this fic. I thought, 'Maybe it's because there's not much out there with this pairing' or 'How can they stand something so long? Am I really doing a good job?' But then, Chapter 31 just did it for me. I was finally able to see what you saw...and I re-read all the other previous chapters.  
Listen to 'Ordinary World' when you read Chapter 31, it's more powerful that way.  
I didn't understand what Adri said when she said, 'That's what I like about you'. And now, I understand: I try to outdo myself. I don't challenge others; I just try to make myself a better person each day.  
  
There were some reviews that said, 'Very realistic'.  
I do agree. I made this because right now, I'm very skeptical of where I'm going. Stay in the States and go to grad school and follow my parents' instruction. Or do I go to Japan and teach there, with all the protests of my family? Obligation vs. Passion. I think that's what made these characters very real. Not to mention that this was a dominant theme in old Japanese texts ("Kokoro", for example – my favorite book).  
I realized that even if I can't act, I am acting through my writing. I've to pretend I am Tatsuha for several months now. And going back through the chapters, I see how he has matured in the story as well as I have in writing and as a person.  
Just like Deep Inside of You for X, I still can't believe this took me so many months to complete. Why? It was because I wanted to take my time to make everything count. Someone on the SeixSu ML recently said, "Love is not always good," or something like that. And that's very true. But neither is it something that is completely satisfying and completely bad or good.  
I wanted to convey that through this fic. The more I wrote it, I realized that I wanted to tell a story that wasn't just a story. I don't know how to convey this. So, as a reader told me, "Your fics breathe." Now, I understand why people can see past all the mistakes I made. I don't care about giving my heart because my fic will have no soul without it.  
  
Thank you to readers Adri, Teresa for always helping me, Melissa for telling me "I've read the prologue nine times" and so it got me to writing the rest of the fic, Madiha, Ruri-chan, Dyoklako, Lady Muraki, Yin, Winnie, Mie Ame, Daryl, Saku, Laura, Malina, Yuu, Kujakku, Lishy, Keeta maxwell, Emily, Psycho gurl, Ita-chan, Saffire, Starsweeper, Evangeline, Fei, Rinny, Yami no Tenshi, dJeu, Ayako, Mirai Shinranui, syn D, Keinami, Cafe Mocha, Shime, tearlesereph, whomever puts a blank ;_;, V-Amy, Topaz, Rika-chan, Emchan, Lilywind, Karen, Rosethorn, Sumari Mikhale, Talon no Hentai, MysticHakai, Kioku Mitsu, Kuma Kuma, Lia-chan, and all the lurkers whose names I wish I knew...Please know that each and every one of you is deep appreciated.  
I would never finish this if it weren't for you. ^_^v  
  
And all those who have read this fic and to those who are going to read it.  
  
You can't imagine how much of a comfort it is to find that other people appreciate what you love to do. I just make fics to make a voice because I'm usually quiet. So, thank you and even if I'm bad with e-mails, I do read them. You can't ever imagine how much happiness fanfic-ing gives me and to make people cry or laugh or feel something really moves me.  
Any feedback about anything would be greatly appreciated because onto the next fic with my self-challenge, "How can I make this better than the last?"  
  
As long as you read, I will keep on writing. (And with all the fan service with it! ^_~ I'm a rabid fangirl too!)  
  
In conclusion, this is dedicated to my lola who's birthday is today and my grandfather…may they rest in peace…  
  
Merry Christmas and I love you for believing in me...  
  
Love,  
Yui miyamoto  
12/26/02  
  
  
Translations:  
"Darenimo kowasenai  
Donna kami ni mo sumuitemo ii  
Inochi nado, nakushitemo,   
Anata dake ireba ii…"  
  
No one can break  
Whatever god wants to block us, it's all right  
Life, etc., whatever lost,  
If I only have you, it's all right.  
  
Surechigau – pass one another  
Sumimasen – sorry, form of apology or 'excuse me'. 


End file.
